Why am I feeling this way?

Question

My ex husband is married and his new wife is pregnant. He was mentally abusive, so I left him and took my two small kids with me. Although I know he's not good for me, I still am jealous of his new relationship. What if he treats her better? what if she makes him happy? I still have not moved on. I am working full time and going to school to secure a future for my kids. However, I feel cheated out of love and happiness. Is this normal? what to do?

Answer 1

You should have thought of all of the hard work you were going to have to go through when you divorced your ex. He is happy and he is getting his revenge on you by living a good happy life. You should do the same. Live a good happy life. It's the best revenge. You should not blame him for all of your problems and unhappiness. Maybe he is treating his current wife well because she treats him well. Maybe it is the same. Who knows. What does it matter. You left him, and you need to focus on your life and making it better for you and your kids.

Answer 2

I was with my first husband for 13 years married for 8. We divorced because we could no longer get along. I remarried he is not, for a long time I worried if he would treat the women he was seeing better than me, my child would tell me all the things they would do and all the places they would go and I would get very bitter and sad. I love my new husband and it has taken some time for me to get over my first husband, but I just told myself as long as I worried about what he was doing, who he was seeing, where he was going I could not focus on my new marriage, and basically should have just stayed with him. My point is move on with your life forget about him. When you do you'll find that your kids are happier and you are happier and it will give you time to focus on a new life. You can never be cheated out of love and happiness you are your destiny!!! You live for your kids, your happiness, and your self being. Your ex probably gets a kick out of knowing you still care or wonder what it is he's doing, don't give him the pleasure. He lost a great thing and his new wife will probably feel the raft of his actions very soon. Keep working, going to school,loving yourself and children and in the end you'll have more than you ever anticipated, but most importantly you'll have happiness and joy in your new life!

Answer 3

I'm sure it is probably quite normal to feel the way you do. As you have obviously been apart quite awhile you have forgotten about how bad things really were for the two of you. You need to keep reminding yourself of why you left him and took your children. Never forget those reasons and it will always remind you that you did the best thing for yourself and your children. Sure she probably makes him happy now, but will she put up with his mental abuse ?? I'm sure that he will eventually treat her the same way as he treated you. You must try to get over these feelings and move on, knowing you have done the right thing for the happiness and wellbeing of your family. You sound like a very caring mum and l'm sure you will find love again, just let go of this jerk of a man and let yourself free to find it. Good luck

Answer 4

Totally normal! He gets to go off and start a new life with someone else while you are trying your best to raise productive children that contribute to society. You are in a tough spot no doubt but remain hopeful and focus on what you do have. You need to stay strong for your kids sake. Kudos to you for going back to school! I believe that eventually you will find someone who loves and deserves you. My sister is a single mother of two whose babies are 12 months and 4 days apart. She has been alone for a year and a half and just recently met a great guy. He is totally into my sister and treats the kids better than their own father! She is taking it slow, but I know from her story that you will find who you are meant to be with some day too.

Answer 5

I can understand how you're feeling. My X husband was verbally abusive but when it came to talking to others, he was (and still seems to be), the nicest guy. It's not that you're jealous, you're hurt and have reason to be. To this day I have problems, thinking maybe there was something wrong with me and the only answer I can come up with is he always seemed to thrive on being the center of attention and making a good impression on other people. Behind closed doors, he was a different person. I gave up trying to figure it out.

Answer 6

I think that its a very normal phase of your divorce. Ask yourself this: Would it have been easier for you if you had found someone first? you probably wouldnt be jealous of her if you had. Kudos for you on working hard and going to school to secure a good future for your kids. You will find someone who loves and respects you abd your kids when you are ready for it. As for right now, keep your focus on your kids, you left for them also keep going to school and remeber that you are NOT cheated. Remember that you are a beautiful, wonderful person that deserves, and strives to do better. You are a hero to women, and you should know that, not may women have the courage to leave that kind of a situation and work so hard to make her life better. You are a HERO. Keep your chin up honey and keep moving along. Good things will find you when you are ready to recieve them.

Good Luck, Cherry Red

Answer 7

Your feelings are completely normal. You were married to this man, and that means you loved him. Once you truly love someone, you will continue to love them for a lifetime; however not all love relationships are meant to last a lifetime, nor are they good or healthy for us. You left him because the relationship was not a healthy one for you or your children. Ya know that old saying, you may not want him, but you don't want anyone else to have him...well, it's true! Take some time to think about what is best for you and your children, and the feelings of jealousy will lessen in time. In other words, take care of you, so you will be ready for your Mr. Right when he comes along.

Answer 8

Of course thats normal to wonder about that stuff. And to answer you, no he isnt treating her better. Ok, well maybe he is for the time being but after being with her for a while, his true colors will end up shining through. Honestly, you should be glad your out of that relationship and feel sorry for his new wife and child. Being mentally abused isnt something anyone should have to deal with.

Answer 9

Of course it's normal to feel this way. But you have to move on, find someone new, remember why you left him in the first place. And I don't think he will treat his new wife better, people like him need therapy and a long time to improve.
Anyway you are doing good, just forget about him and good luck.

Answer 10

Yes. That's normal and reasonable. I mean, you have to forget about him to some extent, but to some extent you never will. Just make sure that your kids get their fill of him. They are probably feeling a little left out as well with the new baby and all.

Just one example, my parents divorced when I was 8 years old. The divorce was about as amicable as you can get and I had a good relationship with my Dad (and his new wife for that matter) despite only seeing my Dad every other weekend. I had a pretty good relationship with my mom's new husband, too, and they have now been married over 20 years. About 11 years after the divorce, my father died. I was 19. I was at my Dad and Step-Mother's house all that day and my mom stayed at her house. I realized later that she wept the entire day. Part of that was for me, but part of it wasn't. After all that time, more than a decade, and after another marriage, a good one, my mom still loved my Dad. It wasn't the type of love that was going to get my parent's marriage going again. Not at all. She was happy with her new husband. But she still loved my Dad. Is that normal? I would say yes.

You probably have feelings for your ex-husband as well. After all the mental abuse, you still had two kids with him. Now you are raising his kids and working your a** off and have no time for yourself and he gets a new woman and is having fun. You are stuck with work and furstration and it doesn't seem fair. Totally understandable. What are you going to do about it? Well, what can you do? You have to keep on working and raising your kids. You owe it to your kids. Even if he doesn't life a finger, you still have a responsibility (and the woman usually gets stuck with that). Make sure he sees them and pays child support. Also, make sure you have time for yourself. As the kids get older, that'll be easier, but go out on dates and go out with friends. Make sure you hang with the kids, too. But make sure that for at least a few minutes in the evening, you sit down and do something just for yourself.

You know you aren't supposed to judge yourself by where others are in life as there will always be greater and lesser persons than yourself, but people always do. Nevertheless, your husband will go on and do what he's going to do. You can't do a thing about it, but you can at least do something for yourself and your kids. That's where your power lies. Good luck.