i was in a serious relationship for 5 years and we have one child together, he is a crackhead that is currently in jail but set to get out soon, i dont want anythign to do with him, but he is her dad, how do i portray my feelings to her, how do i deal with him and all his faults that i dealt with, without making my daughter bitter or unknowing of her father, do i just keep up with my i hate him, and i want him to be as miserable additude, do i just not talk about him and hope for the best, how do i deal with the future, with him maybe or maybe not in her life, i want him to have nothing to do with her, part of that is because of my feelings for him, but mostly because i dont want her to see his addictions, or have the very poor relationship that he has with his other 2 children that he abandoned to come here,
he left them to come to me, to leave his problems in N.Y and then left us to go to TN to live with anouther woman, again running away, how do i hate him and her not hate me?
2006-12-26 17:04:03 · 5 answers · asked by lookingforthepines 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You didn't mention your daughters age, but, if she's old enough then you should sit down with her and be honest about your feelings about him.
Since this IS her father, then she does have the right TO have or NOT to have a relationship with him.
If she does decide to have a relationship with him, then I'm sorry but, you will just have to bite your lip.
But you can tell her that he is not invited to your home..
If he hurts her feelings by letting her down then you can just say in a calm voice, " I told you how your father is/was"..
This way she knows she can still have you to lean on.
2006-12-26 17:15:16 · answer #1 · answered by iwish40 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The hate you harbor in your heart for this man will not only destroy you but could possibly destroy your relationship with your daughter as well. Hate is like acid. It destroys the vessel in which it is held. Hating this man is not hurting him.
That said, I understand your concerns with the issues of abandonment and drug abuse by this man. That's a definite negative influence and none of us want our children subjected to anything negative. The problem with that is, he IS her father. He has a right to know her and she has a right to know him. If his behavior has not changed and he is still using you can be sure it will be found out. What you need to do is be very honest with your daughter. She needs to be warned. I would also hope that any visitation with the father would be supervised. Considering his past record I would think the courts would indeed allow for this.
Bottom line is that you must release the hate. The best way to do that is to forgive this man. As hard as it is and even if he never asks forgiveness you must forgive anyway. Not out of love for him or hope for him but out of love for yourself and hope for a better future and a better life for yourself. We must forgive to be forgiven. This is not going to be an easy situation for you but seeing that it's coming you're best to be prepared. I pray God give you strength and wisdom!
2006-12-26 17:22:15 · answer #2 · answered by Pamela 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm shocked that when 13 years of marriage you haven't any longer have been given get entry to to his economic business enterprise account and are in a position to easily take the money you desire for the youngsters... if no longer nonetheless, you may get baby help. you're especially fortunate that he's in the armed forces because of the fact they're going to start to garnish his wages ASAP! you're able to flow to his CO and additionally document on your divorce so as which you will get the money you desire. As for him being a complete cheat, i'm sorry. it is likewise possible to be entitled to spousal help and that i do no longer think of it can be a foul thought to envision into that as properly. The injury emotions will fade with time. sturdy success to you.
2016-10-28 10:58:23 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your daughter deserves to know her father and form her own oppinions of him...If you bad mouth him in front of her it will hurt you in the future. I would not let him see her without supervision especially when he is using.
You are an adult and you knew what kind of guy he was if he left his other kids for you...what made you think he wouldnt do the same again? Users use people just as much as they use drugs...This guy thinks of no one but himself and his next fix. I wouldnt count on him visiting his daughter to much as long as he is using...I wish you luck.
2006-12-26 17:13:14 · answer #4 · answered by MARY L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOU SOUND LIKE SOMEONE THAT NEED TO TALK TO SOMEONE ABOUT HOW YOU ARE FEELING BECAUSE IF
YOU DONT IT WILL AFFECT YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER,
AND SHE NEED TO KNOW HIM IN HER LIFE. DONT KEEP
ALL THIS IN SIDE. TIME LET IT OUT, THEN YOU WILL BE ABLE
TO DEAL WITH THIS IN A BETTER WAY. AND YOU CAN MOVE
ON FOR YOUR SAKE AS WELL AS YOUR CHILD. GOOD LUCK..
2006-12-26 17:09:03 · answer #5 · answered by luckystar 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋