I miss him terribly and want to tell him to come home, but don't want him to resent me in the future.
2006-12-26 16:47:03 · 14 answers · asked by Kritikopoula 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
He is an engineer on a cargo ship. He has been doing this job for 10 years and this is going to be his last trip, he will make $50,000 this trip but his mental state is not good. He describes the trip like being in jail for 7 months and this trip is even harder because he is working 20hour shifts! I miss him like crazy and it kills me to hear him so down. I think its in both of our best interests for him to leave, ehat do you think???
2006-12-26 17:41:44 · update #1
money is not worth it when you truly love someone and want to be with them. think about that.
2006-12-26 16:49:34 · answer #1 · answered by Lisa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes you've got to pay some dues, but that doesn't make it a good lifestyle. How long has he had this job and what are the career dynamics? Is this how it's always going to be? If so, he is going to have a difficult time sustaining a relationship with anyone on a long term basis, as not many women want a life partner who is only around 5 months of the year. Can he work into a job with this company where he doesn't travel so much? Does he at least have a goal for a time when he won't be doing this? As for yourself, you've got to decide if your relationship can withstand whatever time it will take until he is not gone so much. I don't think your relationship will flourish. You'll just grow apart because you are apart.
EDIT ADDITION: I read your additional comments and at this point am kind of baffled by your question. He compares his job to being in jail, you are not happy he is gone so much, so here's what I'm picturing, a scale with 2 people's happiness on one side and a reasonable paycheck on the other. It seems to me that him leaving his job is a given. Some of the best advice I have ever been given though is; Don't just go FROM something, be sure you're going TO something. So it seems to me that planning where he's going to go. Deciding on what new job he is going to go to is your job right now.
2006-12-26 16:57:01 · answer #2 · answered by Caper 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well my husband recently just left a job with simular peoblems. We decided that this job wasnt good for our relationship, He was missing out on very important things and he made really good money. He left that job and found one that pays well and allows him to be home more often. Maybe this is a solution for you. You have to honestly ask yourself if the money is qorth the sacrifice, money dosent replace anything at least not for long, and if you have children together that makes it even bigger, as the kids could grow to resent him and so could you. you have to decide if this is what you want your life to be like and decide from there. In our situation no amount of money could replace his time. Good luck. Cherry Red
2006-12-26 16:52:50 · answer #3 · answered by CherryRed 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some things are more important then money. I learned that way too late in life. Take that into consideration. What is $ worth if you are still unhappy and spending all of your time only working. You need to balance work and life. Being away 7 months a year isn't balanced.
2006-12-26 16:50:23 · answer #4 · answered by Bored Enough To Be Here 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is something the two of you have to figure out together, sit down with him and first try and see if there is a way to satisfy both of you, for example truck drivers have that problem sometime the girl could get her CDL or just ride along sometimes... that's just an example but sometimes there are ways to get the best of both worlds... if not, then just talk with him about it, and maybe he does need to get another job, but the two of you need to decide together.... good luck...
2006-12-26 16:50:25 · answer #5 · answered by Justin M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a question of priorities, what is worth more, time spent together, or the money? Can you possibly move closer to where he works? Can he get a job closer to you? I know being in a rural area job opportunities suck here but I'd rather live here then where I don't want to be just for the sake of money.
2006-12-26 16:49:51 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should learn to love being alone so much! When you are living together all the time, you get at each other's throats, but with the way you are now, you can stay in love forever, cause he's gone most of the year! So have fun being alone, and enjoy the in love feeling whenever he is home.
2006-12-26 16:48:34 · answer #7 · answered by T.M.Y. 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
7 months a year!! That's alot. Do you want a husband who's gone most of the time? That would not be a very good life for you and your 85 children. He must quit or you should look for someone else.
2006-12-26 16:49:53 · answer #8 · answered by Dianne 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You never know what may happen. He may lose that job so as someone else said enjoy the distance & the money. I doubt they will last forever.
2006-12-26 17:02:54 · answer #9 · answered by purplemonkeydiswasher_2000 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he really came out and asked you 'do you think i should quit' and you think that he should then you have no choice but to be honest about it. you can say something like 'yes i think you should but i also think that you should make the final decision so if you decide to keep it i'll be behind you 100%'
2006-12-26 16:53:30 · answer #10 · answered by Annie Rod 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋