It's like she always finds some reason to yell at me, threaten me, or just plain have something against me...one day it's "she rolled her eyes at me" and the next it's "sure she can come over" but recently she was mad because I turned off my phone at my family's christmas dinner party. I only do that to be nice to my family. She was yelling at my finace while I was on the phone with him telling him that I shouldn't turn off my phone when she needs to get a hold of him. I didn't know she needed to get a hold of him. I think she's nuts or just bipolar, but I don't know how this marriage is going to work if she's always getting mad so quickly about something!
2006-12-26 15:51:58 · 22 answers · asked by kiwii 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Just try to avoid her at all costs for now.
I am sure you have talked to your fiancee about this right?
What does he have to say about it? Honestly, as soon as he was ready to make that commitment to you, he should have been ready to always be on your side too. He needs to tell her to lay off of you.
You should come right out and ask her what her problem is with you. For one, she won't be expecting it (she only does this to have control and power over both you and your husband) two, you might get an honest answer out of her, and three she might even stop if she knows you will call her out.
If she does EVER come to physically hurting you call the police immediately. Violence is completely unacceptable and if she does it once she WILL do it again.
2006-12-26 16:00:41 · answer #1 · answered by *Amber* 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a big deal that needs to addressed before you get married because a witchy sister-in-law can be just as much trouble in a marriage as a witchy mother-in-law.. It seems like this sister has some attachment issues with her brother and is not willing to give him up to you. She probably views you as nothing but an 'outsider' and will continue treat you that way long after you're married to her brother. Your fiance seems like he needs to grow a spine. He should really be standing up for you through all this! Why hasn't he told her that she is way out of line when she yells at you or threatens you? That's something to consider before you marry him because she's not going to get any better until he tells her to back off himself.
2006-12-27 00:41:03 · answer #2 · answered by Jenny A_331 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you and your fiance should get married until you come up with an agreement of how to deal with her. She is already too intrusive in your relationship. Her family has LET her behave as she does, without any accountability.
It might be that she won't be allowed in your life. Can you imagine the stress she would heap upon your kids?? Every holiday ruined? Your husband walking on eggshells, trying to please you and trying to be a good brother to her.
A good family counselor will help you guys make a game plan.
You need to be sure about your bf -- maybe he is used to being in a family this dysfunctional and he might recreate it in your marriage. This too can be avoided by open communication before the marriage.
This is what I can future press prevention.
2006-12-27 00:14:35 · answer #3 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yikes-- sounds quite daunting! I would say that there are some definite 'control issues' happening here, and if the sister has them, my guess that the brother will have them as well (they may show up in different ways). In any case, he is not demonstrating much courage or respect for you in allowing this rampaging ranting to go on unretorted. I too would wonder about the prospects for a marriage where there is clearly so much enmeshment and disrespect.
All the best!
HealthiaCynthia
Certified Comprehensive Coach
Moderator for My Monday Miracles
http://ca.groups.yahoo.com/group/My_Monday_Miracles/
2006-12-26 23:59:24 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say forget about her and what she thinks, you are marrying your fiance, she won't be living with you just make it clear that you marriage is OFF LIMITS when it comes to what she has to say. Don't buy into the bull she's giving you, she obviously has her own problems and is jealous. Don't let her ruin what you have. Just smile, speak, and put her on mute. Works for me. And always always look great when you see her, it will piss her RIGHT OFF. (giggle) sorry, I've taken a sister in law like that for almost 10 years except she jumps in my face smiling and talking to me then as soon as I am out of sight she will pull a lie out of her ear and tell someone. She was talking about how much she hated me in the store, she didn't know she was talking to a friend of mine....imagine Thanksgiving with her.....she's all in my face like she hasn't said a thing. I realize they are unhappy and have a problem with me and the how well her brother is doing with me so I smile and LOVE TO SEE HER HATE!!!
2006-12-27 00:01:00 · answer #5 · answered by betterthanhers 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your fiance's sister is a tumor. Cut her out of the relationship. Just because she is your fiance's sister doesn't mean you have to talk to or even acknowledge her. Tell him how she makes you feel, and that if she cannot change her behavior, she isn't welcome at your house. If it important that your fiance see her, he can visit her at her house. Ignoring her will have the added benefit of driving her crazy. She is the type of person that rolls the eyes, yells or threatens you, because she knows it gets under your skin and she doesn't like you. When you ignore her, and make it impossible for her to harass you, it will aggravate her to no end.
2006-12-27 01:18:46 · answer #6 · answered by Danny 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like sister dear is not willing to let go of her sibling.
It also sounds like she has always had a control thing going on with her brother. As for marring him...do you love him enough to show the sister that you are not willing to be chased away by her yelling and disliking you? Is your spouse to be willing to step up and be the man in your life and tell her to back off? and finally remember......once you marry, you will be living in your own place. Which you WILL have a say as to what goes on and who can stay for visits. If sister dear is not willing to show you respect than ban her from your place. Good luck.
2006-12-26 23:58:51 · answer #7 · answered by mcdermond3 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Make sure that your fiance understands that his realtionship with his sister shouldn't affect you. If he does not, he is going to bring that tension to you. That is something you don't want. He also has to grow a backbone and tell his sister that she is out of line. If he does not, his sister is going to be on your case forever and it is probably going to make you unhappy. You will try to avoid her and it is going to cause more problems. So, solve the issue with her NOW or forever hold your peace.
Tell your fiance that you are annoyed with his sisters behavior, and ask him what he thinks. Don't forget that if you do not draw the boundaries now, she is going to be in your business as long as you are married with him.
Good luck
2006-12-27 04:02:15 · answer #8 · answered by Confused 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My first husband had an older sister like that. I tried to ignore her when it became obvious that she wasn't going to be nice to me. She actually chased him around once (before I was in the picture) with a pair of scissors when she was pregnant. Their mother always took her side against him and the dad. Pathetic situation. Sorry I can't be more positive. Just try to stand your ground. Only you can decide if it'll be worth it to stick w/him.
2006-12-27 00:00:16 · answer #9 · answered by 60s Chick 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The question is in today's world: "What is a 'fiance'? It used to mean someone you're legitimately engaged to be married to, but more often now it means something else.
I hardly understand many words in the English language any longer.
2006-12-26 23:53:05 · answer #10 · answered by Joe C 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋