How Can I Help My Friend?

Question

So here's the deal. I have a really good guy friend that is so great. The problem is this: During the summer he told me he might be bisexual. Well it didnt really bother me because he is my friend and I want to be there for him no matter what. Well, then he said he may be gay. He said he is really confused and some days he feels straight but others he feels bi or gay. I don't know what to do to help him. He doesnt ever want to talk to me about it. We usually share everything. We are so so close. And another dilemma is that i like him. Not as a friend but much more. He has mentioned before that he would go out w/ me or date me if he wasn't so confused. He says he loves my personality and thinks i'm really pretty. I don't know, it makes me really confused also. Can someone just help me sort through this and give me some suggestions to help out my friend. Because I love him a lot and I want to help him ! Thanx for any help.

Answer 1

Don't push the "I like you" issue. It is better to be friends. Just support him in all areas.

Answer 2

I have friends who are either homosexual and bisexual. I didn't find out about their 'new' sexuality til 3 or 4 years after being friends with them. And that was because they thought it was time when they could confide in me.
I think your friend just needs time- give him time, and eventually when he feels the time is right, he will tell you. Trying to force it out of him, even if you're just gently asking, will make him even more withdrawn, and I don't think you'll want that.
Homosexuality and bisexuality still isn't widely accepted in this world remember, so maybe he's nervous about how you'll take the 'real' news.

I get the feeling he's bisexual- meaning he's attracted to both guys and girls, which would explain him confessing his love of your personality and looks.
You could try have a little heart-to-heart session with him, just the two of you, but it may seem a bit too cramped to him, or too intimate so it may not be the best idea.
Whatever you do, good luck, wish you all the best!

ps happy coming new year!

Answer 3

First of all I recommend that you don't try to pursue a romantic relationship with your friend right now. That would just cause additional problems and issues, in my opinion, and may very well end your friendship.

Second, I think if you just talk to him and say some of the same things that you've mentioned here it could help. Something like, "Hey, we usually talk about everything but I've noticed that you don't want to share with me about this. I miss sharing things with you and I hope you'll want to tell me about it when you feel comfortable."

Third, try to encourage him to get help. Many people who are confused like this have issues because of some powerful experiences associated with sex, such as being abused. Perhaps a loving friend who can help him go in the direction of an appropriate counselor is just what he needs. See http://www.providentliving.org/familyservices/strength/0,12264,2873-1,00.html.

Answer 4

find a time when its the two of you and you both feel comfortable, go get coffee, go for a walk or just sit and relax. then just talk to him. tell him that you want to be there for him and that you really care and all you want to do is help. let him know you have feelings for him and remind him that he once said he wanted to date you but was confused. tell him to not think about it just say what he really feels for you. if the first thing that comes to him is he wants to be with you great! if not then back off and let him have his space. tell him you will always be a friend to him and if he can make up his mind about you before you find someone else then you'll give it a chance. GOOD LUCK!! hope things work out!!

Answer 5

I had a thing for a guy friend of mine who turned out to be gay.
Because we used to hang out all the time and he knew I liked him I was sort of a "cover" in high-school. But all of a sudden after graduation he got really into the "gay" scene and didn't want any straight friends around. He pretty much wanted to pretend he had always been gay and I got in the way of that. So my advise is to be there for him, but don't try to take anything to a different level while he's in transition because if you become too strongly associated with a part of his identity he wants to disown you may be dropped along with it.

Answer 6

Hi. I just want to say that I feel your frustration and that I hope my words can help in the slightest way. I am really sorry that you like him because it will be really hard for you. HE needs to look inside himself and answer his own questions of sexuality before getting involved more deeply with you, plus you deserve more than a potential relationship, you deserve a for sure one.
The only thing I can suggest is that he may need to truly try out both to ensure that he is either gay or straight. Being bi-sexual to me isn't real. I feel as though it's a cop out; you're either one or the other. It wouln't hurt him if you both tried to date and be with eachother in a romantic sense. I think that, (as long as you keep in mind that it may end up as nothing and keep yourself in check so you are not hurt) if you two go on dates and try holding hands and touching in a dating way (sex is not a good idea in this stage, sorry) like kisses and flirtateous touches it may help him realize if he is straight or not.
If you do this, you need to be prepared for nothing serious-don't get yourself hurt. But, if you can handle this you will be doing him a huge favor because he will be able to tell if he is attracted to you in a metaphysical, emotional and sexual sense.

Answer 7

Sometimes when people don't want to talk about something then it's best to drop the issue. If hes your friend then it shouldn't matter if hes gay, straight, bi, or "confuzed". You should be able to talk about other things without having to bring it up. I know when I don't want to talk to people about stuff I am confused about in my life then it means strictly not to bring it up with me, because it just makes me want to distant myself from people who always do bring it up. In all honesty, you should stay away from this guy as far as serious relationships go. He doesn't know what he wants or who he is really. So how can you expect to have a relationship with someone who is trying to figure out who they are? It just isn't possible or practical. Until he tells you he is for sure straight..which it doesn't sound like he is anyways.. then you should just be his friend. And def. don't pressure him to go out with you or anything in a relationship kind of way, it might just confuze him more. Give him space so he can figure out what he wants in life. There are also support kinda groups and therapists that could also help him figure it out.

Answer 8

hi! well i think you need to sort things first with him. first figure out if you want to help him first with his sexuality or figure out what to do with your feelings for him.
honestly, if he's already think that he might be gay, your best bet is to just be a friend and not pursue anything more than that. it would just confuse him more. alot of guys say that they are bisexual because they have not accepted that fact that they might be gay. in my personal experience and others, being bisexual is just a transition from straight to gay.
good luck!