We have been together for 2 years and there has been a lot of damage. I don't trust him at all. His dad is a well-known preacher and I don't want to embarress him. We made a mistake....and now, how do I fix it?? I want to do the right thing here, but should I sacifrice all my happiness???
2006-12-26 15:42:47 · 23 answers · asked by jjen514 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
do NOT get married if you don't think the relationship is stable and strong.
2006-12-26 15:45:01 · answer #1 · answered by Jennifer D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not get married if you do not trust him! Marriage is firmly grounded in love, trust and mutual respect. Your marriage would be doomed from the start.
Plan on giving your baby up for adoption. A baby shouldn't be brought up by a mother who feels that the baby's conception created "damage", mistakes and unhapiness. There are thousands of young women yearning for a chance to raise a child.
The preacher's embarassment is your LAST concern. You are human. The son is human. The well-known preacher would know of a young couple in the community that could give the baby a good home. The preacher, of ALL people here on earth should be the most loving and forgiving of everyone involved.
Never get married for the wrong reasons. Always give a baby the best home life available.
Do the right thing for everyone involved....yourself included. You can get a fresh start from all this. There are pregnancy counselling centers that will help with any financial difficulties to insure your comfort and the baby's during your pregnancy.
Take your time to review ALL of your options. Don't worry about embarassment, marriage or damage. You are young and you can recover graciously from this.
Good Luck!
C-F
2006-12-26 23:55:14 · answer #2 · answered by Crispy_Frog 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Two years, huh? And why did you get pg now? and why would marriage sacrifice your happiness?
I don't answer very many of these, but depending upon how far along you are, you might consider abortion.... yeah, I know, not pleasant, but beats the options: 1. adoption: Yeah, the couple say you will be in the kid's life, and as soon as they get the kid, they disappear faster than an ice cube on a desert....and you'll never see them again......(until the middle of the second trimester, you have only a parasite, and look into what other cultures think of abortion -- just the fundamentalists think it's a BBBBBBBBAAAAAAAAABBBBBBBBBYYYYYY Asian, India Indian etc. have no problem with abortion... carried to its extreme with the fundies, every cell in your body can become a person, so destroy one without giving it a chance to be a person is abortion. See Planned Parenhood. It's your body, hon.
2. Most who are single moms will tell you that just about no guy is willing to raise some other guy's kid --- just read all the questions on here about soon to be married couples and their soon to be step kids.... just a mess. Or the many questions asked by single moms ---"All I want is a nice guy to help me raise my child"....yeah, sure.... If you think the last two years were bad, you have no idea how the next ones will be with a screaming, sick kid at 2 am. with a guy who really doesn't want to be a dad.... Children are divisive, not bonding, and if you don't have a solid relationship, it will be even less solid with this guy you are with.. Every child, hon, deserves to be wanted to be born into a solid marriage of two people firstly committed to each other and secondly committed to a new child. From this note, you don't have that, so your future, doesn't look too good now that you are pregnant....and the guy isn't really husband material...at least from what you have written....
"Should get married now that I am pregnant?" is your question. Absolutely not. You indicate you don't even much like the guy. Your marriage stands no chance of happiness, hon,...you say "There has been a lot of damage....." does that mean he's cheated? Oh just great, huh???? It sure looks that way from the little you have written here that even you know this relationship has no chance of happiness. You deserve better --- you deserve to be happy. We all do. And your situation doesn't look too happy.....
Sorry for you sweetie.....All your choices are bad ones, and marriage looks to be one of the worst.
2006-12-27 00:07:06 · answer #3 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sleeping together unprotected was your mistake....getting married to someone for that reason only would be mistake #2. One mistake plus one mistake adds up to a whole lot of trouble.
Two wrongs dont make a right. His dad's embarrassment is not your responsibility to take care of. Will he be less embarrassed when you get married for the babys sake and then get divorced?
You need to do what is best for you and your child, and if getting married is not the best then dont do it. Especially not if you are only thinking to save the preacher some embarassment.....
2006-12-27 00:27:32 · answer #4 · answered by Lrn'dTheHardWay 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just because you're having a baby together is no reason to get married... trust me.
My husband married his ex-wife because she was pregnant - despite the fact that they had a horrible relationship together. And he regretted it every day (she had a miscarriage a couple of weeks after they were married). He was miserable for 4 years before he finally got the courage to leave.
Don't sacrifice your happiness. Don't make a mistake that you'll regret forever.
2006-12-27 00:09:02 · answer #5 · answered by rexmcd248 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should wait it out. Don't just get married right away. You could always try working things out with him, and taking your time. Wait until after the baby and see how he acts with him/her. The baby might bring you both together, but why not wait and see?
If things don't work out between you to, it's best for the kid to not have parents who are only together because they have to be. You want them to be raised around a healthy relationship. Even if things don't work, try to stay friends with the dad so that your kid is raised knowing you both love him, even if you don't get along.
And last, don't stress yourself too much while you are pregnant. It's a hard enough time with all the hormones and discomforts of pregnancy.
Take care
2006-12-27 00:01:20 · answer #6 · answered by Lesli B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not 1950! Don't marry someone just bcuz you are pregnant. A child can have a mommy and daddy without them being married. If there has been 'a lot of damage' btwn the two of you, imagine how much damage the child will endure if you stay in the relationship and get married.
2006-12-26 23:49:45 · answer #7 · answered by syrag 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't get married if you don't think he can be a loving husband and a good father to your child. We all make mistakes, and you are in enough pain and going through enough stress without adding a bad marriage and then a divorce to the mix. The right thing isn't necessarily marriage, but the right thing is definitely what is best for your future, his future, and your baby's future. I wish you the best.
2006-12-27 00:01:05 · answer #8 · answered by No Shortage 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no, but, if he changes to someone you can trust and love. Then yes. Marriage is a decision that you have to live with for life. Don't let outside influences affect your life decisions. the fact that his dad is a preacher is irrelevent. the church should not hold his dad accountable for the sins of his son.
2006-12-26 23:57:29 · answer #9 · answered by krzylove 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
preacher or not you should never get married because of a child. It should be because you want to spen the rest of your life with that person. if you marry this man because of the baby you will be miserable and you might even blame the child for you unhappiness. my opinion: his dad is not important you are important figure out what YOU want.
2006-12-26 23:48:10 · answer #10 · answered by I♥Karma 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't fix it, but you can try to deal with it. I wouldn't get married. For the sake of the child, you should provide a loving, nuturing, and stable environment. If this doesn't involve him then so be it. This is YOUR body and baby- who cares if he is a preacher's son.
2006-12-26 23:49:34 · answer #11 · answered by admb 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋