Is it unreasonable to ask the mother of our One month old to drive 80 miles so my family can see the baby?

Question

She wants my family which consists of several aunts and uncles brothers and grandparents to go to her house to see the baby. She said that is to far to drive to take a newborn? As of now I am driving to her house everyother weekend to see my son and havent asked her to come to me. Just think my family has a right to see my baby boy and my whole family shouldnt have to drive down there. Oh before you all rip me a knew one. I suggested driving her there and back. All I did was asked her when would a good time be. Can I get your opinion on this.

Thanks

Tim

Answer 1

I think it's completely reasonable. She could feed and change the baby before she left. The baby would most likely sleep the whole way anyway. When my son was 6 or 7 weeks old I went almost 400 miles to see my sister. It took eight hours but that was because I had to stop and feed/change him. She wouldn't need to stop. If you drove her, she could sit in the backseat with him and tend to any need that could come up.

Answer 2

Well Tim,
Yes it is totally unreasonable. The first thing is that u r not married to her and u have no right imposing urself or ur family's wishes on her. For god sake she just had her baby and is tired. She and she alone is taking care of ur newborn baby twenty-four seven when u r not around, get the picture yet?

Ur family has nothing to do with ur not being married and together. They can't legally or morally say anything against her decision and yes I do think it is very unreasonable of u to even ask her.

U r being selfish and not thinking of the baby either. What if the baby should get sick all of a sudden during the long 80 mile trip to and from and it's mother was forced to take her new born baby to a doctor who she doesn't know or have the confidence in, unlike the doctor she takes the baby to and she IS totally confident in. How would u feel if something serious happened God forbid?

Man, wait till the baby's older and see what type of baby it developes into (cranky, colicky, etc.). Son, I'm not saying u don't have the right to share time with ur baby, but how supportive r u 80 miles away and ur family? Have them come visit for now till the baby gets to be around six to eight months old then the baby's mother and u know ur baby better. And for God sakes be nice about it or u'll turn her into the wicked witch from the west and then u'll be s**t out of luck all the way around until u go to court, so don't take it there cuz she'll win no matter what, unless u can PROVE her unfit. So chill baby, chill. Be nice and sweet as pie. Or pay the consequences.

Talk to ur dad He'll know where I'm coming from. I got eight kids with five different mothers take it from an expert in these matters. God bless.

Answer 3

An 80 mile drive isn't that far it's only a little over 2 hrs.(depending on where you live and your traffic). Even less if its just open road.
The baby will sleep 90% of the way.
And since your vollunteering to drive that makes it even better.
Now here's the flip side.
Sometimes, new Moms don't want to take there new baby very far away from home...
They are afraid the baby will catch something from someone.
It's just a Maternal thing..
Would your family be upset if she waited till the baby was maybe 5 or 6 months old. by then the babys immune system will be stonger and also by that time, your wife would probably LOVE to get out to see your family and show off the baby.

Answer 4

Yes i think it is very unreasonable especially because the baby is just 1 month old i suggest you drive your family to her house after all a 1 month old cannot travel 80 miles! and before you take the baby in long trips you should consult a doctor

other hints that might help:

1.dont let anyone breathe on the baby the baby might get colds,cough or any other virus ,maybe use masks for the family to wear
2.2.5 months old is the best age to drive to your 80 mile away home

Answer 5

I've been in a similar situation, so I see both sides of the argument.
From my own experience, an 80 mile car trip can seem very difficult when you are a first time mama with a newborn baby. My husbands family lives 5 hours away, and at just 3 weeks after my daughter's birth I was already being made to feel "guilty" because I didn't want to make the trip.
It's a lot of effort to get a little one out the door, and tough to do a long car trip if the little one is still eating and needing frequent diaper changes.
Remember that grandparents or relatives seeing the baby is a PRIVLAGE, NOT A RIGHT. If they feel that they are not only "entitled" to seeing the baby, but are also "entitled" to having that baby delivered to them; they are in the wrong.
If your family is eager to see your son; they should consider carpooling down there one day. Otherwise; they should wait it out until mama and baby feel better equipped to make the journey.

Answer 6

I am divorced and have a jerk for an ex-husband. However, I am going to answer this question truthfully.

For one, when my daughter was born, I was living 4 states away and the drive to visit my family was 4 1/2 hours. When I was on maternity leave, I wanted my family to see her as often as possible. When she was about 4 weeks old I drove her home and back. Then I did that again at age 6 weeks and age 10 weeks. She was fine! Babies sleep a LOT at that age. She slept for the whole car ride. If she woke up, I pulled over and fed her. I did this because it was my family and I wanted to see them, and I wanted them to see my baby.

I know how you feel. You want your family to see your baby. That is normal and the baby should get to see them! It is not going to hurt him to be in a car for a trip! HOWEVER, this is ONLY GOING TO WORK IF THE MOTHER IS THERE WITH THE BABY! YOU CANNOT TAKE A NEWBORN FROM HIS MOTHER FOR ANY PERIOD OF TIME OVERNIGHT! So unless you and she are on good enough terms to make this trip together and have her stay with the baby overnight, it will NOT BE A GOOD IDEA!

If you are going to drive her, then she should oblige. However, she is the mother. If you are not together, then she is probably not going to agree. As much as I hate to say this, it sounds like you're going to have to get a good lawyer and go to court for visitation that is fair for both of you.

Answer 7

Tim,
sorry to answer with a question, but if your son is only 1 month old, why are you not with him, helping her mum in such a difficult period?
As you are not there for the day-to-day issues (and believe me they are A LOT) I will say, NO, YOU DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO ASK FOR THIS OR ANYTHING ELSE.
The first days with a baby are tough. You have no minute for yourself. The baby is crying for this or for that, and when is finally sleeping you need to be washing their cloths or cleaning the house or maybe, sometimes even cooking something for yourself. Do you have ANY idea of what is she going through right now?
If she has a minute for herself she probably wants to use it to sleep and rest, take a shower, being a woman and not a mummy for one second.
Please, think on your baby and his mummy now, not on yourself and your family.
At this moment, if you were leaving with her, you will be heating visits yourself. As you are not there, you don't get it.
Being a parent is much more than just inseminating someone. And being understandable about your kids capabilities is an important quality that helps you through parenthood.
So, don't be selfish and keep on driving yourself and/or your family. It is a minimum discomfort comparing to all she is going through right now.

Mom of a 19 months old

Answer 8

I've never been a mother, but as the father of 3, I'd say for her to stay home, and let others come to her.
My reasoning is that a one month old child is a chore to take care of. You not being there, you wouldn't know.
The mother has the right to be comfortable in her own home, and able to rest when the opportunity arises. She'll also have the right to tell others it's time to leave if she starts to tire during their visit. Then she can retire to her own bed.
Recuperation time varies, and people who think she should make the trip just aren't taking into consideration her physical comfort level, nor her probable fatigue.
If they want to see the child that much, let them travel. I would never have suggested to my wife we drive more than 5 or 10 minutes for the first month or two, and it wouldn't have mattered which one of us was driving.
She is due the consideration. And btw, if you are separated, you don't have the right to ask her to bring him to you. And for good measure, I can guarantee you that you are not going to get a mother of only 1 month to let her child go anywhere without her.
For someone to suggest that would mean they have no clue about the situation.

Answer 9

She may have refused to be ignorant, I don't know. But if I where her... I would stay home. I wouldn't want to sit on my bottom, not even on a hernia cushion that long. I have tried feeding my newborn in a car and it was very aquward and when she cried, I had to stop. You can't drive with her out of the car seat, even if someone else is driving. Also she is getting up every few hours, every night to feed that baby. She will be tired. Not to mention that her hormones are still settling. I think it is unfair to expect that or even suggest it.

I agree that everyone has a right to see her. But let me explain what I do. I live over 100 miles from my family and I am currently pregnant. There is no way I am driving. My family is coming down to see my baby or they have to wait until the next holiday. That is the way it is and they will come, I am pretty sure.

If your family puts pressure on you for this... I think you need to stand up for her. You may not like your ex... but she is your baby's mother and I don't like guilt trips... but if you want a good relationship as possilbe with her, you need to not push this and not let your family pressure you for this. It is really a rude thing to expect

Answer 10

For me, I think she is being unreasonable. I want my daughter to know all of her family, because family is important. My parents live 200 miles away and I know that I want to go there a few times a year and getting my child prepared for long distance travel on a regular basis was important. She was about 3 weeks old when I started taking her on the trip. She didnt mind it as long as she could see me and she was fed.

Answer 11

Yes!!! you are asking to much
that is way too stressful to expect a brand new mum to take a new baby that far cramped up in a car for 80 miles especially if you expect her to come home the same day.If you were to set her up somewhere comfortable for a couple of days where she can relax shower & wash & cook etc it may be ok but if you expect her to run around & visit all your family you must be joking!
She is right
let them all visit her house to see the baby,if you were living together they would all come to you wouldn't they?
I think you are just upset with her & you are looking for reasons to pick