How would you deal with knowing your going to lose your true love in less than 20-30 years?

Question

With your love going through life risking procedures and years of medical observation, how well would you handle knowing that your one and only love will not be by your side when you both are old? The possibility of losing him/her at such a young age, and knowing it will happen?

Answer 1

I would make every minute count. I would have him/her make a list of everything he/she wants to accomplish while here on earth and spend my life helping him/her accomplish these things. I would make memories that last forever, take lots of photos, laugh til it hurts, love til it hurts, and cry when I needed to. But mostly I would spend the quiet time we had together to enjoy my love's spirit and memorize his/her facial expressions, intonations, and feelings.

Answer 2

I'm going through this right now. In two days she is having her second and much riskier neck surgery. When she was two years old she had a schist removed from her brain. Her entire family history is diabetic and this year has been diagnosed with it. She has mitrovalve prolapse. She needs lower back surgery when she recovers from the neck surgery. I'm only with her for 4 and a half years and at ages 42 and 40 we are so in love with each other. The only thing that has helped me,,and I'm not a Bible thumping, full time practicing Christian, is reading the American Standard Version of the Bible, twice. I know death is not the end to our living energy. This is not just from the Bible but also human science,,,scientists has proved that energy can not be created or destroyed but can only be converted to another type of energy. Every atom in our carbon based bodies have positive and negative ions that convert to something else when something is taken away. I will miss her if i live longer but i will know not all is dead, especially the memories.

Answer 3

I suppose one of the people who answered previously made the best point. We don't know where we'll be tomorrow, never mind in 20-30 years. I think that even though your loved one may not live to be old, they are getting more of a chance at life than many others. You should be grateful for the time you DO have. If you believe in heaven, perhaps it is comforting that you will see each other again. We all have to lose our loved ones eventually but I can imagine it must be hard when medical professionals put a time frame on when you may lose them. I wish you peace & strength.

Answer 4

You speak of life risking procedures, and overlook the reality that life itself is a risk. A perfectly healthy and strong true love could die sooner that a less healthy one. Just be happy while you are together and think possitively. He could end up outliving you. Or the two of you could end up passing away at the same time, or within days of each other. Think positive.

Also, let me share with you and interesting observation. Many old retired people wish they were single and away from their spouse so that they could enjoy their retirement years without the restrictions that the spouse places on them. In other words, many of them wish they could just go out and enjoy themselves and have what they view as a good time in their golden years, instead of arguing about where they will move to retire, what pastimes they will be able to enjoy, etc., etc.

I'm single now, age 66, and retired. When I look at what some other people are enduring, I feel very fortunate to be single, retired, and living the quiet, peaceful, uneventful life that I enjoy. You may not be able to envision the joy of being single right now because all you can see is the joy of being with your true love, but trust me on this, there are advantages to being single--especially when you are older.

So don't fret. You'll do just fine, and without agony, no matter how it turns out. We all adapt to what life dishes out for us.

Answer 5

The sad thing is that any one of us can pass at any time so there is no specific timeline on love. My dad died in 2000 at 56 and my mom this year at 59, they were together for 34 years and loved each other truly and faithfully. You are given only so much time, use it wisely. It would be hard to know the end is coming but tomorrow could change your window of 20-30 years too. Love while you can and take every moment as a precious gift.

Answer 6

I think it would be very difficult, obviously. If you've spent a good number of years, prior to the medical problems arising, with this person, to know that at some point, down the road, the person you've fallen in love with, may not be there, for you, later on, it would be difficult.
I would simply enjoy the time you have with this person, in the moment, and not think too much, about the future, and what it holds. Just be thankful you have that moment, now, to share your life with them.
Be grateful every morning, when you wake up, that you have another day and opportunity, to be with this person, and to make the most of it, while you can!

Answer 7

How do you know you will still be alive next week?!?

If you love them, then you will want to give them your love and support for each and every day you are blessed to share together. If you are proposing that someone should end a relationship because their partner had a slowly degenerating and eventually fatal disease, that would be incredibly selfish and would prove that their love was not "true" in any sense of the word.

When entering a relationship, we hope that we will live long and healthy lives and somehow miraculously die in each others arms while we sleep from old age. But that is not the real world. One of you will die first - the probability has to be 99.9%!

In this day and age, so few relationships even last 5 years, let alone 20 or 30!! And most of them end by choice not "by death do us part".

Then consider the advances made in medical science in the past 2-3 decades... a cure or at least more effective treatments will likely be found during that time.

Answer 8

well the same thing doesn't always work for everyone. But when I was told I was going to lose my boyfriend through cancer. I started seperating my emotions. I started going out more and being with my friends and staying at work longer until we really wasn't around each other as much. When I actually knew he was dying and was in the hospital and not coming home I started packing up his belongings. I took all his clothes out of the closet and the draws. I moved the bedroom around and bought new curtins and bedspread. I even got rid of all our pictures together which now I kind of wish I had kept at least one but at the time it was best for me to do it that way. When he died his family came and got his things. It was easier for me to pack his things while he was still alive. I felt like I was just cleaning out the closets and making room for a new life. I don't think I could have done it after he died. I kinda made it like I had already moved on. He died two weeks later but when I went home there was nothing there to remind me of him. Did it hurt, yes it did. But it was still better for ME to handle it that way. Hope this helps.

Answer 9

My husband was murdered almost 15 years ago. We had been married for 7 years. One second we were having lunch together, the next second homicide is calling me. He was 32 - I was 33. It killed me too. I'm totally different now. Not a day goes by that I don't think about him. I'll forever, the rest of my life, love him. I won't love another because the pain of the loss is way more than I can stand again. Imagine how much you love him now - you will hurt 100 times as much IF you were truly in love. I don't wish this kind of heartbreak and pain on my worst enemy.

Answer 10

First of all, 20-30 years is a long time in day-to-day life. In medical technology, it's eons. Thirty years ago, no one would have thought there would be medicine to prolong the lives of HIV/AIDS for as long as they have. Also, I know for a fact that in the field of cardiology, they have made amazing discoveries in that time.

I know it's hard watching someone you love go through so much pain, but it makes you appreciate everything the two of you have together. Savor each day.

Good luck.

Answer 11

I would enjoy my time with that person more then ever. I would avoid any type of fights or any other problematic issues. I would show that person my love more then ever and stick with them till the end. This will happen to everyone sooner or later and is the reason why a relationship must always be taken seriously and treasured. The time that you have left with that person is priceless to the love that you should show them that you have for them. Good luck.