I was at the mall with my fiancee / girlfriend and she wanted to buy a hat that said (I Support single moms) and it had a picture of a stripper on a pole.
I told her she would be viewed as sinlge, is that what u want, she said she didnt give a crap what i think she wanted it cause her mom is a single mom. I am 32 and she is 22. I think she doesnt want to miss out her 20's and she wants to be desired. I think she should grow up and be a responsible dedicated fiancee and show me respect , what do u think
2006-12-26 14:32:12 · 15 answers · asked by Bob C 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
you are right
2006-12-26 14:35:26 · answer #1 · answered by mariposa 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree...what she did was completely disrespectful. Supporting her mother has nothing to do with a stripper on a pole....I know the hat was meant as a joke but if she is serious, then she should buy something that really shows support. I think maybe she is eager for attention, but if you are old enough to be engaged then you should act " engaged". What you need to realize though is she is only 22 and you are 32. That is quit an age difference. If you were 42 and she, 32 it probably would not matter, but at the age she is, she still needs to grow up a bit.
2006-12-26 22:41:46 · answer #2 · answered by veronica c 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, so you mentioned a few different concerns here:
1. She'll be viewed as single.
2. She told you that she doesn't care what you think (disrespect).
3. Buying this hat may give the impression that she isn't grown up or responsible.
Well, you love this girl, right? That's why you're marrying her! What is it that you love about her? You may like that she's self-confident and maybe kind of independent (which I gather from her response to your comment), and takes pride in her family background. In this situation, it turns to your disadvantage, that's true; however, you can't ask a person to be someone she's not, especially if it's related to something you liked about her in the first place. Consider if this response is consistent with your fiancee's personality. If it is, then don't expect her to change. Accept her for who she is and be proud of her! Love her for it, and develop the skill of forgiveness and patience. :)
If this is an unusual response for her, if she usually takes your opinion very seriously, then you're probably right. (You know her better than me!). She may be feeling a loss of freedom, missing out on other things. So, in that case, read the signals and help her feel desired, help her feel like she's still in her 20's, not in her 30's. Be willing to step back and help her get out and be adventurous. Remember, you had that time. She hasn't had it yet. You shouldn't expect her to grow up faster than you did. That's not fair to her, and it won't help you have a positive and loving relationship with her.
Congrats to both of you and best wishes!
2006-12-26 23:00:32 · answer #3 · answered by nihonchic 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I definitely understand what you're talking about...
But lets look at this situation in a different way...
So your fiancee/girlfriend comes from a single mom which is definitely understandeable for her to want that hat that had that saying...when it comes to someone that raised you and actually succeeded in doing so...you would want to show off that your mother did it...so i guess your gf has some sort of pride or maybe just proud that she was able to make it through...
but now looking at this a different way...whats up with the picture on the hat...i believe your gf just ignored the fact that the picture was there...she just wanted to get the message across with the phrase...
but now...look at it this way...is she really going to be wearing that hat 24/7? is shegoing to be wearing that hat everywhere you're going to be with her? i highly doubt that...so dont worry about it so much and dont go about the same arguement if she mentions the hat or anything related to the hat...just let her know that you support her...not exactly the picture on the hat...but really the fact that she and her mother we able to make it through...
So just to sum it all...dont worry about it...she'll eventually get over the hat...trust me...us girls...just go shopping and sometimes dont even wear what we buy...so she might just wear that hat once or maybe just a couple of times...and GOOD-BYE HAT!
well GOOD LUCK!
-Noemi
2006-12-26 22:44:39 · answer #4 · answered by FutrEngr17 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is taught to every woman that has ever had an abusive relationship to avoid men who try to tell them what to wear.Regardless of her reasons for wanting that hat, you are trying to exert control over her.It really isn't any business of yours to tell her what she should do. Caring relationships revolve around a mutual trust of each other, and the ability to support each other. Not around what she wears, or her makeup or trying to mold her into what your ideal of the perfect fiancee should be.She is 10 yrs younger than you and you need to respect her as she comes to be her OWN person.Just because she's going through her 20's doesn't mean you have anything to fear. Loosen your reins...She'll appreciate it and you'll learn to like her for what she is..
2006-12-26 23:11:03 · answer #5 · answered by Rhea B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
will you have to understand if you look your age distance to your fiancee or gf you should know that she still young and maybe she never feel that before when she was a single but is ok to give her some advice if she need it coz you much older than her so you should show her the good things to be done as a rule of like her.if she doesn't listen to you then before you do it say " I DO" you already know what's gonna happen what if your married now. so be careful to her coz a few woman are just wanna have fun. atleast before you marry her you already know what kind of color she is.
2006-12-26 22:55:03 · answer #6 · answered by luvu4ever14344 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to grow up and be more secure in your relationship. Her mother is a single mum and if she wants to show her support of mothers in this predicament you should be understanding and supportive. I think you have the problem, relationships are not about control they are about respect for each other. Could you please tell us what a responsible dedicated fiancee is?????????????????????
I have another suggestion.....find a cave and crawl in it.
2006-12-26 22:42:41 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are worried about something very minor.. itd be different if she had a hat that said "**** me" on it.. then you should be mad. Im 23 and personally, I think itd be tacky to wear that hat.. but keep in mind the age difference, dont let her miss out on her 20s.. shell just grow to resent you for it.
2006-12-26 22:55:47 · answer #8 · answered by PenguinsWife 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think she is young and has a sense of humor to buy the hat
As for u, u have an ego trip trouble and need to let her be herself.
U just respect her wishes and help her with the dishes.
2006-12-26 22:59:47 · answer #9 · answered by sunflare63 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you're controlling, I just think with the age gap, you two will have different opinions on certain things. You'll figure things out and get on the same page - the two of you will have to make some compromises to get there.
Good luck!
2006-12-26 22:36:50 · answer #10 · answered by LifesAMystery 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I think you should chill out.Her mom is a single mom, she answered your question. Did the hat say "I AM a single Mom?"
2006-12-26 22:38:46 · answer #11 · answered by Melissa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋