My wife cheats on me and was caught, we have a six year old beautiful boy. I'm a good provider and a good father. And she realizes now that I am that. I still love her and I don't think this is the first time...as mentioned I still love her, what should I do?
2006-12-26 13:53:48 · 25 answers · asked by newpuppie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No one can tell you this. You have to decide. I doubt that you will ever trust her now, no matter how much you love her. If she has a pattern of infidelity, you have to accept that it is a pattern and unlikely to change in the future.
Of course she now realizes your assets or worths, but it could also just be that you beat having to make it on her own too. She may also simply be trying to avoid paying you support.
I dont know that there is anything that she can do to change or that you can do to be able to really trust her as a man should be able to trust his wife. Many will scream counseling, but to my opinion that is just touchy feely feel good nonsense that is worth nothing. Simply my opinon, so you assess the value yourself.
Best of luck to you. Spend a lot of time in prayer. To forgive, if you can would be a great thing, but you have to really be able to forgive and then show by your actions that you have. You also have to do so in your own head, because there will always be something that might make you question where she is, what she is doing, etc.
2006-12-26 14:09:03 · answer #1 · answered by Mr. JW 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well... does she love you (you don't say) enough to put her past behind her and understand that for quite some time, you will still find her untrustworthy as you make your way back to a place of trust...and that she will have to live with that...can she? In other words, you will be quetioning her and suspicious...and only time and her faithfulness will eventually allay those fears...is she prepared for that? Likewise, are you prepared to truly forgive her? That's actually incredibly hard...much easier said than done, because after time, if you have really forgiven her...you must let it go and not bring it up all the time ......down the line.
If this isn't the first time...what's going on in her head? She won't change until she figures that out.........there's something she is seeking...attention, sex, approval, expressed love, naughtiness, something....what is it? Good luck, this is a difficult situation.
2006-12-26 14:05:14 · answer #2 · answered by lotsaanswers 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What are you confused about? She broke her vows, why honor the marriage? She lied to you, cheated on you and put herself and her desires ahead of her child and his future. Why would you keep a woman like this around, weither you love her or not. Do you want your son to grow up seeing this is how men should be treated, like doormats to be walked on? Trust me this is how he will think that men should be, because for him it is all he will know and seem normal. Find him a stepmother that will provide a good role model in his life. Unless you wanna be selfish, putting your desires and love for your wife ahead of your child also, get rid of her. If it was a one time thing you could work it out, maybe. She has done this more than once and doesn't care about you and no matter how much you love her this won't change. So, in conclusion, get rid of her.
2006-12-26 14:37:08 · answer #3 · answered by Danny 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont mean to sound rude but you get what you settle for. Make sure she is sorry for cheating and not just sorry for getting caught. Dont be so quick to take her back, make her think about the true consequences of this ever happening again. If she has done it before and its not her first time then chances are high that she will do it again. Hense the phrase "You get what you settle for". I think you deserve better and hope you wont put up with it again.
2006-12-26 14:10:09 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you think she has made a bad choice, a mistake and she is sorry. Then forgive her and work on your marriage. I would suggest that the two of you go to a marriage counselor. To get at the root of the problem. This way you will have some assistance in rebuilding trust and dealing with the pain. She can discover new and more appropriate ways to handle her issues. And the two of you can learn how to communicate with each other. Good luck to the two of you.. I will keep your family in my prayers. God bless****
2006-12-26 14:05:42 · answer #5 · answered by ? 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have already made your decision. You said that you love her and obviously your family is your first priority.
She needs to make a decision, not you. You love her and your son. You aren't going anywhere! Bravo for you being a good husband and a good father! If she realizes that then she will stop doing what she has been doing!
Good luck to you! I hope she stops! Good men are hard to find and when a woman finds one, she usually tries to hold on to him with all her might!
2006-12-26 14:10:12 · answer #6 · answered by Kokomira 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Women do not go out and cheat with good providers and good fathers. They are looking for lovers. Men who help them to find self worth and value. Men with whom they can see themselves as whole women.
I know we bash cheaters. I am aware it's wrong (I'm married and faithful, by the way) but if for a moment we could see them for the sad and frightened people they are perhaps we could help them to find what they need not to cheat. More helpful than bashing I would think.
Your wife is looking for something. While it is not your responsibility to provide her with her every need, if you do still love her you may want to help her discover what that need is.
Good luck to you, my friend. Whatever you decide.
2006-12-26 14:23:03 · answer #7 · answered by outdone 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to either accept that your wife is going to cheat on you forever, thus setting a poor example for your son OR you can bite the bullet now and take your son and get out to move on to something more stable and engaging. My vote - get out now. Your son will appreciate it later in life when he can grow up to live a mature, committed relationship.
2006-12-26 14:41:21 · answer #8 · answered by Ketel One Up 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Drop her like a bad habbit. . . your relationship has been compromised and will NEVER be the same. If you look past her cheating you are giving her license to cheat again as she knows there is no price to pay. Maybe you need to go screw one of her coworkers or friends and then SHE will know the pain! Good Luck!
2006-12-26 14:08:06 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Has she mentioned any remorse or willingness to at least attempt to rectify the situation? If not, then you have two choices: live with her cheating (because she WILL do it again if you don't put her feet to the fire now) or get a divorce. Simple as that.
2006-12-26 14:09:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋