My husband will be filing for a Divorce on Jan 10th.?

Question

I love my husbad and do not want a divorce. We have been separted since the middle of October because of my attiude problem. Anyway one minute he will say that he want things to work out but he need time and don't want to come back to the same situation.But as soon as I started asking when he coming home he get upset and say that I am questioning him and that why he's not coming back. He also say that I will never change. Did I get upset and cry and then he tell me that I need to grow up. Get over it. Move On. Let it Go! I don't love you anymore. Stop calling me. Then one day he told me he was bi-polar. That he wanted the marriage to work and once again I asked when was he coming home and he keep saying he need time. So I asked if it was someone else and he said see there you go thinking it somebody else. When r u going to realize that's it you. You will never change. As soon as I come home you will go back to ur old ways. I don't want to deal with that.

Answer 1

Bless your heart.. I was in the same boat last year. My husband came back and we are working things out. After I went to counseling though, I realized it wasn't just ME and he didn't have to go see someone else - which he did. He could have just left..

Anyway counseling and church and the support of friends helped me tremendously. I also got some meds for depression. I thought I could be bi-polar as well. If he needs medical attention he needs to get it. With the right dosage, it will change his life dramatically for the better.

He does seem to be stringing you along and making everything your fault. I finally had to step up and file for divorce. That brought him to his knees as he really didn't want to lose me. I hated to do it but I was tired of living that way.

Good luck. I know it's hard during the holidays.

Answer 2

Well, I'm sorry to hear about this. You have my sympathy. There is nothing you can do. Most every state now uses a "no-fault" divorce and it only takes one person to make everything happen start to finish and it isn't all expensive either. The only sticking point will be the property settlement. I do not know of any judge which will enter a default judgement against you on the settlement agreement without a whole lot of effort to get a response from you. Hire a lawyer to advise you. Depending on the assets and such, you are most likely entitled to a substantial portion, as much as 50%, of the community property, plus possible subsistence and child support payments. Do not try to "do it yourself" on this. Do not sign anything without first having a lawyer who specializes in divorce evaluate it and tell you in lay terms what it is and why you are signing it. Protect yourself through use of the expertise of a divorce lawyer.

Personally, if he is bi-polar, then it is he who has the problem, not you. From what you say, apparently he is trying to shift blame. Time to let him go and pick up the pieces. This situation sounds very much like my 2nd marriage. One day, she just wanted out of marriage and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. I do not think she was bi-polar, but she did have a gambling addiction which she hid very well for quite some time. Anyway, we divided things in an equitable manner and parted ways. This was when I found out it only takes 1 person to do everything from start to finish. It takes 2 to get married, but it only takes 1 to divorce. That, my friend, is a sad state of affairs. Shop around for and get a good divorce lawyer, the sooner, the better.

Answer 3

Bi-Polar disorder is a difficult problem to deal with. People with this disorder that are not on some form of medication are all over the place with their thought processes.

Medications will not totally fix the problem, therefore some counseling is necessary to assist in guiding the person in the right direction in correcting their behavior.

It appears from what you have stated in your question that neither you nor your husband are emotionally capable of dealing with the issues in your day to day life. Both of you should seek the advice and counseling of a mental health professional.

This desire that your husband say's you will never change. Is a classic example of the type of person who needs mental health treatment.

Not knowing how long this problem has existed in your marriage, I am only assuming that it has been around for a considerably long period of time and alot of emotional damage has occurred over the years with the repeated arguments and/or disagreements.. Both of you will require counseling to overcome this unfortunate circumstance, regardless of whether or not you reconcile and stay together as a couple.

Seek counseling for yourself atleast. Because you've a need to deal with these emotions and if you divorce you will not want to carry this baggage into your next relationship.

Seek counseling, try to encourage your spouse to join you maybe you can overcome this great difficulty and be happy.

Answer 4

Seriously I wouldn't shoulder the blame here. He said he was bipolar. If this is true and he isn't on medication, this is the reason he is acting this way. A person that is bipolar is extremely happy one moment and I don't mean alittle happy. I mean on top of the world and everything seems great. The next moment he is so sad that he might feel that he wants to hurt himself. This is why he acts the way he does, because when he is feeling great he has the energy and outlook to want to be back in the relationship. When he is feeling down, he is lacking the energy to even try making it work. When he is depressed like that, he will blame stuff on you, say things like, it will never work. Because he feels hopeless. If you cannot talk him into gettin on meds, this will never change and your relationship will never work. I wouldn't even be around him if he is bipolar, because if he gets so upset he wants to hurt himself, he might focus his pain on you and feel that he needs to hurt you as well. Seriously talk him into gettin on some meds.

Answer 5

Honey, it is best you move on with your life. It sounds as if he doesn't care for you or your marriage. 2 years is a long time to invest, but you don't want another 10 to go by realizing what a mistake you made with him. You said you had attitude problems, have you worked on them? If he loved you enough he would have stuck through those with you and wanted to help you get better. I know you miss him, but your still young and if he chooses not to love you then you certainly can't make him.

Answer 6

Love, take my advice, and go ahead with the divorce. It sounds like you are putting yourself and your husband through an emotional roller-coaster. This is very exhausting. It is very hard in the beginning but it does get better--I promise. I've been divorced for 3 years. If your husband says he may come back, make up his mind for him and say you're ready to separate. Otherwise, you two could go on like this for years, and that is such a sad waste of two lives.

Answer 7

my husband left me once, he kept saying he wasn't sure what he wanted . one minute he wanted to come home and work things out, the next minute he could not see US being together. i let him think he was important enough for me to put my life on hold for about 9 months, then i said that it was enough, i started dating, i stopped calling him and stopped answering all of his calls. he felt like he had lost control over the situation and he begged me to allow him to come back home. I let him after another six months. we have been together now for nearly two years since then. things are so much better now.

Answer 8

Sounds like he's playing serious mind games with you. You are doing exactly what he wants. Please believe that you probably do have issues that you need to deal with. We all do. We are not perfect. Your husband is using your insecurities against you. He sees you as weak. That is totally unfair. Please, allow the divorce. Move on. Do some soul searching and discover who you are and what you really like. Then someone who appreciates YOU will come your way.

Answer 9

Stop the rollercoster and move on. He is playing head games with you and you keep falloing for this. Time to accept it is time to move on. Take some time and realize you both made some mistakes. Find someone who you can grow with, love together, be happy.

Answer 10

Do YOU think you need counseling or are you just willing to take 100% of the blame? If you have children you should try to work it out but if you don't then let him go. He sounds kind of flaky...