Too akward with her...don't know if I should trust her. Your experiences?

Question

Upon reflection, this person I thought I was becoming friends with has been kind and friendly to me but she does not seem to have any serious friendships. Her "best friend" is an old teacher that she doesn't even talk to anymore. She also refers to everyone (even people she doesn't talk to) as a "friend." She and I spent a lot of time talking this summer and I remember she said she likes doing things by herself. She's gone out of her way to express interest in me, but at other times she won't even ackowledge my existence. I wonder if she just doesn't WANT to get close to anyone. Has anyone tried to befriend someone who seemed to not have/want friends? Was this person bad news to get involved with? I'm pretty shy myself and don't know if I have the energy to befriend someone if they aren't worth my time, but at the same time, we have lots in common and I think we could be close friends. Feedback please!

I don't mean to imply that I discriminate against people who don't have friends, I just mean I am shy myself--it's hard for me to befriend people (especially other women) as it is. I just want to know if it's worth it to befriend someone like this (based on your own experiences with people with similar behavior) or if it only ends in rejection. I'm curious to see how many people can relate and/or if you can give feedback about it, that's all.

Answer 1

i had a friend like that. we had a couple classes together, but he didn't act like much of a friend. in fact, i was the only friend he had until a girlfriend of mine became his friend too. he had a negative, unsupportive, clingy attitude (he would keep trying to call until i talked to him; he wouldn't take "no" for an answer), and he even took my spanish teacher's side over mine when i was seeking support to deal with the problems i was having with her at the time. and he also had the nerve to tell our mutual friend (the girlfriend who also became his friend) that i'm flaky. like him, perhaps this girl is shy and/or has had a bad experience with past friends and is using that bad experience as a crutch. unless this girl has a negative, unsupportive, clingy attitude, give her more time. support her and assure her that you want to be her friend, that you guys have a lot in common, and perhaps set a date to hang out. help her slowly crack out of her shell. don't force it.

Answer 2

Forget about how she acts with other people! How does she act with you? If you think you guys have a shot at becoming good friends, then go for it! You can never have too many friends and it looks like she might not be sure what it is to have a real friend in your life. You might be the first real one she's ever had! Being shy is hard but put yourself out there, people will love you. After all, you're the only you there is!

Answer 3

Maybe tell her how you feel in person (or since you both are shy, in a note or email). I don't see how she has harmed anyone by being quiet and reserved. You don't have to be best friends, and having someone there for you\her will give you both comfort.

Also, its sometimes great having a friend who doesn't get involved with drama. I have a friend who doesn't go to my school and I talk to her about everything that I can't talk about with my friends at my school. For example, if someone is getting on your nerves, you can talk to her about it and she won't tell that person. Friends like this are great listeners, if you can get past the "nonexistant" issue. Write a caring\questioning note. Don't lose a potential best friend just because she likes to be alone sometimes. Good luck!

Answer 4

If you have a lot in common, then the two of you would be getting along well and you would not be writing this question. Plus you said it yourself.

"don't know if I have the energy to befriend someone if they aren't worth my time"

That kind of energy is very negative and if she does somthing wrong to you, its easy to cut ties very quickly. I did it twice with two different people. I think I was a bit tough on the last dude since I think he has Attention Deficit Disorder. But it takes two to make a good friendship, and you might come out disappointed with this girl and her odd traits.

Answer 5

It sounds like she is lonely but don't be friends with this person out of pity. If she has similar interests as you and can maintain a friendship that you are comfortable with, does it matter if she hasn't had any serious friendships? Why does this matter to you? Maybe you are uncomfortable having friends because you don't have the ENERGY to maintain it. Sounds like you are a bit of a snob. No wonder this is a big deal to you.

Answer 6

Well ok i just went through this it is really bad to get involved with people who dont really befriend people i have done it before and it didnt end up good some people just prefer to be by themselves i dont know if yours will end up ok its just that mine was because the girl had soem stuff that i didnt no about but no one should pretend u dont exist that sucks and she refers to everyone as her friends even thoguh she never talks to them? seems kinda weird

Answer 7

I had a "friend" about 6 months ago that everyone warned me about, I became friends with her anyway (my husband and her husband are both fire lt. at their firestation). We were like best friends for a few months, then she just stopped talking to me. She goes through her friends like seasons. And she is a different person with each one of her friends. Really akward seeing her now, its like we never hung out. I don't know why people are like that. She obviously has problems. I would talk to her. If she doesn't seem interested I would forget it. TRUST ME. If you are getting bad vibes, stay away from her.

Answer 8

Wow.. I know exactly how you feel...

Its very hard for me to make friends.. mostly because I have a wierd way of showing emotion.. I tend to be mean.

But anyway, Maybe shes just not very confident in herself.. and she thinks you dont want to get close to her.... if thats what it is.,.. Just talk to her alot and see if she does want to be an exclusive friend....

if she acts annoyed... theres no point in even trying to carry the relationship..

Answer 9

that's sad she seems disturbed, you should give her a hug she could have possibly been "hurt"(mentally, physically, emotionally) earlier in life, you should comfort her and help her feel safe, get to know her better, and help her gte to know you, this way she'll have a true friend and she won't feel so alone, ask her what she likes to do, etc.

Answer 10

i have had friends who were not interested in me first, but i gave it sometime and we are bestfriends..