Recently I found my husband searching online personals and he had profiles that said he was "unhappy in his marriage looking for something discreet on the side" and when I confronted him he said that he was just looking at pictures and he never even spoke to anyone or went any further than looking. I told him I don't care that he looks but I don't understand why he makes profiles that are so realistic and keeps looking for local women if he's just looking at pictures. Does anyone know of a way I can check up on his story without him knowing or any suggestions on what I should do. I can't talk to any of my friends or family about this because I promised my husband I wouldn't and they would confront him if they knew. Please help!
2006-12-26 12:04:10 · 17 answers · asked by Summer 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
since I confronted him he deleted all of the profiles I found and I don't know which services he is using now to create my own profile at.
2006-12-26 12:09:15 · update #1
We have two children and I am 7 months pregnant with number three.
2006-12-26 12:10:38 · update #2
most of these sites that's all he can do is look
you have to pay to play, plain and simple
i myself am in a good relationship, and would never cheat on my gf, but i am on a few of these sites as well
plain and simple i can't chat with them
but if you really want to test him, set up your own profile, with some other woman's photo and check him out and try to get him to meet you, if he says no you are in the good, if he says yes, he is in deep $#!+
2006-12-26 12:10:30 · answer #1 · answered by seven_ms_man 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sadly, I know exactly what you're going through. As another person said, he is definitely trolling. It could be that he hasn't contacted any of the women yet, but he will. He's got the desire to in his mind and he's already created a profile for himself that expresses how he feels "unhappy in his marriage and looking for something discreet on the side". It's only a matter of time until he pursues it further.
I've gone through this with my husband. It only gets worse. You can get spyware to track what he does on the computer from now on, but you won't like what you see.
I'd tell him that it's obvious there's a problem with your marriage and you need to find out what it is....unless he's ready for it to be over. Insist on marriage counseling. Insist on everything being out in the open and honest. Since he's unhappy, he needs to tell you what the two of you can do to fix it and be willing to work on it.
I wish you the best.
2006-12-27 06:40:52 · answer #2 · answered by rhonda j 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can check the history of your computer. Just realize that once the trust is gone there isn't to much left of a relationship unless he is willing to go to counseling and seek help. You should care that he looks. Lust is from the heart and it is a form of adultery. By telling him you don't care that he looks you are giving him permission to commit adultery against you. You also shouldn't promise to keep his secrets either. If you need someone to talk to then find a friend and confide in them. He didn't care enough about your feelings to do this to you, so don't be so concerned about a close family member or friend finding out what he has done to you. You have to look out for number one.
And if you don't think this is a form of cheating you are very wrong. I used my husbands profile he put on adult friend finders to file for divorce. The judge confirmed that his profile on a dating site as a married man was adultery and granted the divorce without contest.
2006-12-26 12:33:27 · answer #3 · answered by Sally B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What's the goal here? The guy is trolling. You've got a problem. If you want to stick with him, then you need to talk to a counselor and they can tell you how to address the issue with him. If you just want to get the goods on him so you can use the info to dump him, then there are various ways to do that. First of all, there are software packages that will track every last freaking keystroke and mouse click that he enters on the computer and you can look at what he's up to. After that, if he's trolling, he might have gotten a few fish on the line and no doubt he'll be hooking up with them behind your back. Get a private investigator to follow him around. You could also get a GPS tracking device and hide it in his car to see where he goes. Try checking credit card bills to see how he's spending his money. Any unexplained purchases? Trips to restaurants that you were'nt a part of? Sharpen the axe.
2006-12-26 12:15:40 · answer #4 · answered by jhartmann21 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well dear i think the best solution is to do your homework first about a particular individual and then have a series of chaperones meetings. I mean if you don't want to talk on the phone and you don't want to have too much interference from others I don't think that leaves you with any options honestly. You have to be practical about these matters and do not make it harder than it is. You can meet 1 or 100 times with a brother if that is your wish. Go out with a couple of your peers who are already married. If you get engaged then you can talk on the phone and that's another way to get to know one another. Inshallah I wish you the best.
2016-05-23 09:07:37 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's lying to you for one, and there's no reason he should be perusing dating sites period. Why would you even tell him you didn't care if he looked? There's NO reason for him to be looking. He creates untruthful profiles to attract other people...what does that say about him? He's either looking to cheat, or already has (in some form).
You need to talk to him about putting an end to it, getting help to save your marriage, or cutting him loose so he won't be stuck in an unhappy marriage and feel the need to look for something discreet on the side.
2006-12-26 12:11:48 · answer #6 · answered by . 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You know what? It doesn't matter if he still has any profiles out there, if he did or didn't cheat, if he plans or doesn't plan to tomorrow or the next day.
What matters is that he has it in his head. The issue is whether or not he plans to stay in his marriage and whether or not you want him to.
Once that is decided serious issues like trust need to be addressed. I would suggest marriage counseling, couples retreats and or some bonding and such. Some outside help is needed here and quick.
2006-12-26 12:19:35 · answer #7 · answered by outdone 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's making it seem more innocent than it really is. Tell him to delete those profiles and be there when he does. Tell him you can make what he wrote in those profiles come true....single man. And if you even get wind that he is making more profiles under the assumption that he's a single man, he can kiss you and this marriage goodbye. Let him know this is unacceptable and you're not tolerating it.
2006-12-26 12:08:46 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You can always test him. Hire a very attractive girl to hit on him and see how far he would go. Make sure you're ready for the worst.
I think every women should do this to test their man.
I know this is bad, but you'll get your answer right away.
2006-12-27 11:22:06 · answer #9 · answered by The Doctor 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I applaud you for approaching him. Now, go for counselling. It will help you both to understand what's going on in your husband's head.
Some will tell you to just get rid of him. First, find out why he feels he needs to go to this type of web site. With a counsellor to speak with, maybe he will come to realize it's only going to hurt your marriage!
2006-12-26 12:11:21 · answer #10 · answered by garynjanice 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋