is my relationship not very good then?!?

Question

hi, following on from a q i've just asked - i didn't think my partner was that bad but people are saying 'abusive' relationship etc.! seems a bit strong.
it's like this. Partner is 20yrs older than me, I got pregnant very early on accidently and made a decision to stick with this good man for the baby's sake. I'm very 'just so' about things and if I say I'm sticking, that's what I do, so I've accepted how my relationship is. We were friends couple of years before getting together. When he's sober, unstressed I am very fond of him, I do love him. He does drink a bottle of wine every night without fail and smokes a lot when I gave up instantly for baby, that causes friction. He never has been 'attentive' romance wise, sex is 'nice' - I just accepted passion wasn't going to be for me. He is stubborn and bit picky like his OAP dad, who is UNBEARABLE! He's a VERY good father and we have a nice enough life.
He can be unsupportive and dramatic sometimes but does he sound so bad?!

the thing is I'm very - how can I put it?! - erm inwardly strong? Sometimes I am just there for the children, but I'm very good at putting on a happy brave face if you will and if the kids are happy then is that so bad? He's such a good dad and they adore him. I did make possibly a wrong decision and sometimes I feel a bit sad that this is 'it' for me. I'm not like ever deeply distressed or he's never violent etc.
The wine thing, yes I think it's not normal aswell - he thinks its perfectly reasonable to drink a bottle by himself. And there is never one night when he doesn't. When challenged he says he works hard (he does) and its his way of unwinding. It does cause a few problems!

ps. on here asking for something else and this came up and i can't sleep so bored!

Answer 1

the fact you are coming on here and asking is a good enough reason to realize you are not happy with him. You are still young and I suggest you do something about it and change your life.

Answer 2

He doesn't sound soooooo bad, but maybe not so good either. The drinking a whole bottle of wine very night is a problem. But I think the bigger problem is how you feel about him. It sounds like you are not very passionate about him and not "in love" with him. Are you sure you want to live the rest of your life with someone you feel "just so" about? I've been there (with a child involved also) and am not anymore. Now I've found the love of my life and I feel I'm setting a much better example for my child. You have to make your own decision- it's a very hard one to make. It always is when a child is involved. Good luck!

Answer 3

Well..are you happy? If the answer to that is yes most of the time then you're ok if not then you need to think again. I hope he doesnt smoke around your child, or you whilst you were pregnant because thats just wrong, you might also want to address the amount hes drinking. only you know whats right for you

Answer 4

Hi Katy,

Your making "Do", this is what your making do with!!
Him drinking everyday being drunk everyday
Him showing you no attention
Him Not supporting you
Him picking at you???
Your also making do with him spending money on drink every night, when it could be spent on all 3 of you.
Tell him to sort out his drink problem, tell him he needs to be more attentive and supportive of you and if he is not willing to do this then kick him in to touch. yes it would be hard briing up a child on your own, but seriously your practically doing it now.

relationships don't just happen you have to work at them, not just you he needs to get off his lazy **** and make an effort (summising he does not work).

give him a kick up the **** - if that dont work kick him out

this is from a male

Answer 5

He sounds like an alcoholic and I think you could do much better for you and your child. You just aren't aware that all men aren't like this. Sex can be very passionate with the right guy and someone who's willing to put forth the effort. Think about your relationship again.

Answer 6

Whether he sounds bad or not really depends on individual opinion.

There are women who have put up with worse, and there are those who would not tolerate a man like that. Then again, there are women who are happy in their relationships despite their partner's behaviour or perceived flaws, which would have irk many other women. There are also women who are unhappy and think that their man is bad although other women would perceive him as good.

It depends on your expectations of how a man ought to be, and also your tolerance level. Ultimately, it's up to you to decide whether your man is indeed bad.

Answer 7

If you are having to ask on Yahoo! Answers, chances are you are not happy. Maybe you need to reconsider your relationship, and talk it over with your partner, to make it better for both of you.

Answer 8

The important question is: are you getting your needs met in the relationship?

What does it matter what anyone else thinks of him? If you're not getting your needs met, why are you there?

You can only get so much mileage out of love alone, especially if you're not getting the same in return.

Answer 9

I THINK THE MAIN MESSAGE I'M GETTING FROM WHAT YOU HAVE WRITTEN......
YOU'RE NOT HAPPY.....

AND WHY SHOULD YOU JUST SETTLE

I'll stop shouting now, I dont think that anyone should stay in an unhappy relationship, for any reason. Dont you derserve more?
Think about it, think about yourself.....
Good luck

Answer 10

well girl, you fcked up. for once he is too old for you, if you feel like its gonna go down the hill it probably will. talk to him let him know how you feel. and well you can work on the issues, however he refuses to do so. its all gonna go down the drain and the happiness of you and your baby are in jeopardy.