How do you know when enough is enough?

Question

I feel very sad. All I do is fight with my husband..he never takes accountability for things he does and tells me I'm the one who causes everything, I'm depressed, etc and hs even called me a c word 9 times one day. He likes to bring up ex-boyfriends and throw them in my face. I know we have a 9 month old and that adds to stress but when to draw the line?

I can't fight anymore. How do you know which is the lessor of 2 evils: Being sad alone or being sad and trying continuously to improve things?

Please help. I can't stop crying.

Answer 1

Although you don't provide a lot of details, what you say is enough to consider leaving. But, you have a child, so before you do:
1) Try the counseling route. Ask him to go with you, but if he doesn't, you go. Get yourself in order as much as possible. Make sure that you centered and well grounded before making any moves. You'll start feeling better about yourself right away and you'll learn how to deflect his abusive language.
2) Build a support group around you and your child. Family, relatives, friends, etc., will be critical in keeping you sane during the transition from being married to being a single mom.
3) If you have any spiritual leanings at all, consider going to religious services that you are familiar with (not a good time to join a new religious faith). This can also help you build a support network for yourself.

"...when to draw the line?"

The line is drawn when a spouse no longer respects, trusts, or loves the other. Be careful when drawing that line, but draw it when it needs to be drawn. Sounds to me like you have ample reason to say "enough is enough".

Answer 2

Being sad alone right now honey is a good start because you can get over it and eventually be happy again, but if you stay you will be sad and miserable for the rest of your life with this man. You cant change spots on a leopard. It is like beating your head against a brick wall trying. The wall doesnt not give!!! If anyone ever called me the "C" word even once let alone 9 times, their head would be rolling. Please find the courage to leave my dear. You and your baby will be better off. If he does this to you, think of how you will feel when he starts talking to your child like that some day.

Answer 3

First, I would NEVER let any person who is supposed to love and cherish me call me a "c". Especially one with whom I've had a child.
That being said, I wouldn't be able to tell you anything about what you should do besides get to a counselor quick.. both by yourself and with him if you plan on staying with him. Don't waste one more minute of your life! It's a new year.. look at yourself in the mirror and say "I won't take this anymore.. I will stop crying and I will take action! I am worth more than this!"

P.S. You won't be sad and alone if you choose to leave him.. You will be working on improving your life and will find someone who cherishes you and treats you as you treat them (that person may be waiting for you right now and you are spending your days crying).

Answer 4

It's hard to end a relationship especially when a child is involved, but you can't go on living your life in misery!! Think about this would you want to raise your child in a healthy enviornment or in an enviornment when there is Kaos!! I always say do what's best for you and your child....I think if he throws your past in your face it will always be a problem in your relationship!! I would rather be sad and alone because that only lasts for awhile then being in a relationship of stress. I know as I said that it is hard to leave a relationship but don't look at what your losing think about what you will gain in the end! In the End the choice is yours and no one can tell you what to do because we are not in your situation, Good luck to you and search in your heart the right decision my seem wrong but it will work out!!

Answer 5

I am at a loss for words-i wrote a couple of loonnnnng reply's to your post-but nothing i wrote really seemed to be able to help you much as i looked back at my reply's, only my usual "try counselling, if that doesn't work then divorce maybe the only answer" type thing. I am really sorry i could not contribute more to help you with your situation, i hope you take on board some of the other posts, posts off other people who are maybe going through the same problems as you are right now-Kendra m being a prime example. I am sure you will come out of the other side of that long dark tunnel eventually-and be smiling...not crying:-)Best of...

Answer 6

First, stop crying. This is bad, but not the end of the world. Having a 9 month old baby often stresses marriages. I must say that hubby bringing up old boyfriends is a nice touch. (assuming your goal is to screw up your marriage) This WILL be resolved very soon. You two can either get divorced, or together, work to make your family healthy. It will take both of you working to fix this marriage, but it can be wrecked easily; by either of you. Hopefully, you folks will manage to discover a way to make your marriage work. And, a good marriage is the best thing on Earth.

Answer 7

If you can think of a time in your life when you were happy, before you were married, then you know it is possible to get that happiness back. Plus you have a child, so you aren't alone. Right now the health and happiness of your child depends on you. I'm married with a child and divorce is on the horizon, so I understand your sadness. But removing yourself and baby from this negative environment may be the best way to "improve things".

Answer 8

Hon. it is better to be alone than with a guy like that. But, you do need to take accountability for your part in this. You have stayed and Let him verbally abuse you.
Have you tried counseling?

If you have done all that you can, then it is time to move on.
I have been single for a while now and I am much better off on my own than with my X.

You have the oppertunity to start again, Just don't make the same mistake.

Also, you might need to be treated for depression.Which might change how your husband reacts to you.

Take good care of yourserlf

Answer 9

I am so sorry that you have to go through this, I myself is going through this also. In fact I have been going through this for 6 years. Everyday i wake up and hope that today is a better day, but it hasnt got any better. I have 2 kids 6 and 3 and i really want to make this work for there sake but sometimes I wonder if it is in fact worth it. We argue and fight and that is not good for the child. I cant answer your question, only you can answer that one! Ask yourself if you think the way your life is going is worth it. You only get one chance at life and do you want to live your only chance at life this way? If your answer is no, then you know what you have to do! Good luck

Answer 10

Alot of good answers here from people, a sensitive subject with massive consequences.

I'd say its when you cant be bothered to argue anymore and as for the C word, well that should never be said to a lady.

My mum would kick my *** 9 times if she found out i said that 9 times!