My ex, who is a lawyer, managed to hire the best lawyer in town to reduce his child support payments by 60% of the normal rate. We now live in Mexico, I am am starting up a business. We currently live on $1,400 per month and our rent is alone for the business and our home is $600. He told the children today that they are spoiled and need to learn to work. He took them to the orphange today to show them how they could be living. Any ideas on how to handle this? My children are 11 and 15 years old. This is just one of his many schemes.
2006-12-26 11:31:25 · 12 answers · asked by Nelly 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Wow. How'd the kids take the field trip? What did they think about it?
I would be as careful as possible to avoid discussing your spouse with your kids or putting them in the middle, but an open discussion about what they got out of the experience would be interesting. Maybe the ex has a valid point to some extent, depsite his being a huge jerk.
I took my son to volunteer at a soup kitchen for homeless families when he was twelve. Not as a punishment, but to open his eyes to how much he has and how much others don't because he was so demanding. I also put him on an allowance and discussed finances with him so that he wasn't constantly asking for more and more things. With an allowance and a list of chores he can do if he wants more money, he controls what he gets and doesn't get to a great extent. I didn't lecture or preach. I just discussed budgets and savings and let him know there is not an endless supply of money. We are not rich, but we could be much worse off. He has what he needs and many cool things he wants, but children will ask for the sky. That's just their job. My job is to help him be a human being I enjoy being with who is not whining about not having more stuff all the time. The volunteering with those who have nothing really opened his eyes and his heart. He not only asks for much less, he donates his own money and is very giving.
So...I get what the spouse is trying to get across to the kids, but I dislike him for not stepping up to plate to provide support for them. That sucks. My ex fought me all the way on the child support issue, but there are state minimums based on income here, so he didn't have much wiggle room. They took his support right out of his paycheck. The court frowned on his attempts to get out of it. The support enables my son to have many things and do many things that he otherwise could not. Your ex is responsible for half of the kids lunch money, half of medical expenses not covered by insurance, half of dance/skate/sport expenses, etc. If he wants to be a big loser about the money, I would petition for half of all the other things kids need and keep it up. I would petition for an increase in the child support. He is punishing them by trying to punish you via the money. Bad move.
In the meantime, love your kids, love your kids, love your kids.
Your ex sounds like a real pain in the rear. Sorry.
2006-12-26 11:55:59 · answer #1 · answered by whereRyou? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you live in Mexico I really don't know what to say because the laws are different down in that country.
I think what he did was horrible but not because of your children what about the children in the orphanage. Do you think it is okay for them to be looked at like they are an example of what could happen if you do not behave. You ex is a jerk. Nothing should allow a person to show less fortunate children as an example. If he wanted to show them an example perhaps some other example would have worked, I think he was trying but failed.
As far as your children you did not give enough information. You seem bitter about the child support. Why did you move to Mexico? Most States in the U.S. have guidelines that can't be deviated from as far as child support goes, again not enough information. Sounds like you are just angry at the ex. Your relationship is over. Get along for the kids sake.
2006-12-26 11:54:14 · answer #2 · answered by It's been awhile 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
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2016-05-23 09:03:21 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is the actual harm? Honestly, I know what he has done about the CS is pretty sh***y but try not to nit pick his decision to take them to see that they have it pretty good. This could seriously benefit you since you seem to be struggling financially. Think of it this way, for years your kids were accustomed to a certain lifestyle and now things are much different because of your financial situation, they are probably having a difficult time adusting. So instead of being angry at your ex, you should thank him for helping your kids be more understanding and appreciative. I kind of wish I had done this to my kids also, so they could see how really good they do have it....Good Luck!
2006-12-26 11:39:43 · answer #4 · answered by stacey h 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh my god what a jerk!!! i say call child services that is mental abuse!!!!!!!!!! i am so sorry for your pain it realy reaches my heart...i hope you find some resolve and peace.
i am sickened that people acualy think this ok! first her ex husband is a lawyer when they are with him it probably is not so bad.who said that they deserved it,she did not say her kids are unappreciative of her.i think with the emotional abbondonment that can be felt by children in these situtions bad enough without the threat of being left in an orphanage.
again best wishes.try to get a good lawyer,and report him.
2006-12-26 11:37:16 · answer #5 · answered by jessiebella677 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him to take them to skid roll in downtown L.A if they don't get good grades. Tell him to tell your kids you can end up here if you do drugs in drop out of school. Your kids are probably are spoil-ed. Let him be there father and stay out of it.You think because he had his child support lower he shouldn't be there father?Your starting your business and am sure you will do good. If your home is to high$600 move out.Your children are old of enough to know. You ex did nothing wrong. You need to let him be there father, regardless of the child support thing. Maybe he was wrong to do that, but all it means if you want to stay in a 600 dollar place you have to work harder. or like I said move.You need to read stupid things parents do t mess up their kids and read ten stupid things women do to mess up their lives by DR. Laura C. Schlessinger.
2006-12-26 11:52:07 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well what di they do to warrant that action. I think that if they were being disrespectful and saying I want I wnat and it's not fair then it was a justified punishment, and creative, however if it was just because then I would contact a lawyer. I don't think it was nessacariyl abusive but more of a wake up call.
2006-12-26 11:36:56 · answer #7 · answered by WINGS 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I realize this is a stupid thing for him to do, but I don't think he broke any laws here, he is in titled to do what he wants when he has them, maybe you might just smile and ask him how he plans to spend his quality time with the kids next time he picks them up, just listen to the kids when they tell you what they do with him, don't over react because I think this is how he is pushing your buttons through the kids, if he realizes that he is having no effect on you I think that sooner or later he will tire of his sick little game he is playing using the kids as his pawns!
2006-12-26 13:22:24 · answer #8 · answered by Scooter 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get your children to take him on a tour of the mental hospital - the rubber room where people are losing it.
2006-12-26 12:05:39 · answer #9 · answered by Emily L 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The kids turn now, they need to take him to the worst nursing home there is and show him when he's old and helpless he could be living like that.
2006-12-26 12:17:40 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋