How can i learn to lighten up and stop coming across as a humourless, miserable cow?

Question

Why can't i just let go and enjoy life? The sad thing is i've been lucky enough to met some lovely people over the years, who went out of their way to be genuine and friendly towards me. But i get irritated very easily and have a fantastic ability to alienate the very people who've extended the hand of friendship. So unsuprisingly i'm friendless. I like watching comedies and laugh like a drain when i'm alone. I can see the funny things in life and laugh at myself and how ridiculous i can be - but i'm unable to share this side of me with other people. I've been told i'm 'hard work' to be with. :-) So i sit at home alone instead of sharing my life with other people.

I feel like life's passing me by. How can i change for the better?

Answer 1

You can be miserable and still be funny and liked, but if you come across as irritated and annoyed, or angry all the time then it's not going to win you many friends. So you'll have to look at how you think other people perceive you.

You don't have to be a permanently happy, cheery, ever-smiling idiot to be popular, but it does help if you're friendly towards other people. Also, there's nothing wrong with liking your own company and sitting at home, but you still have to make the effort to be a little bit sociable occasionally, even if it's only by text message or email.

Answer 2

You should get yourself a decent councillor & go for help. There is something inside you that for some reason has pushed a self destruct button as far as relationships are concerned.

It's a form of protection really & saving yourself from harm (emotionally) in fact it doesn't work (as you have found out)

A councillor will help you to dig deep & find out why you feel the need to do this & better still how to work your way through it all. Be patient with yourself, it'll happen. But things need to be addressed before you can properly go forward.
Only you know about your past but that doesn't mean you know or even understand why you behave the way you do. It's a good sign that you recognise in you the ability to love others & be loved, but for some reason you're feeling safe only with yourself. You may think nothing has caused this feeling. But we're very complex & reason isn't always behind our actions. If only life were that simple eh?
Good luck sweetie, I reckon you have a lot to give, just need to learn how to let go & share.

Answer 3

gingertod, it's easy to say "don't change, be yourself", but if there is something about your personality which isn't appealing to anyone, you have to change, for your own sake.
you seem like a nice person, but perhaps you are a bit shy. i have a similar problem: i can joke and laugh all the time and make a fool out of myself when im with close friends and family, but with people i don't know, i just can't open up, so they think i'm really shy, which im not in most ways.
i think what you could do is try approaching people yourself, initiate a conversation and then joke and act fun and carefree. if you wait to be approached by someone else, maybe they will think you are off-hand and won't talk to you. so just try being more bubbly and chatty, and hopefullt people will see this other side of you. i really hope it works out, because you obviously have a sense of humour, or else you wouldn't be able to call yourself a humourless, miserable cow all over the internet!



and the key: LAUGH AT YOURSELF. people who are truly humourless don't know how to laugh if they make a fool out of themselves, they just sulk.

Answer 4

OMG you're me!
I'm not friendless but I love being by myself, watching films etc. God, sometimes I just can't be doing with people, they irritate me too!

I'm a very hard to please person, know exactly how I like things to be, I hate change etc. I just accept it really. We're not all life of the party types etc. Obviously if it's impacting negatively on your life though you should try branching out a bit more though.

Why not try working through it with a life coach perhaps? There are some offering email consultations on eb*y. I've considered it. You need someone else to help you work through what the problems might be, and if you hate phone calls like me or face to face meetings, email is perfect.
And don't be apologetic for liking your own company.

Answer 5

Are you talking about me? :] You're not the only one. Just today I was questioning whether or not I had social anxiety. I did some internet research and it sounds like I do...sounds like you do too. It definitely has to do with a lack of trust and rejection. Ask yourself why you have a hard time trusting people. Were you teased/bullied/rejected in the past? Did a parent/friend that you trusted abandon you (literally or figuritively)? Maybe you just feel like no one relates to/understands you. That is how I feel but then I hear from people like you who feel the same way. I'm afraid I don't know how to change life for the better...except to force yourself to give people the benefit of the doubt. When I talked to a counselor once, he told me to stop being the "little girl in the box." I thought that was cheesy, it makes sense. Stop hiding yourself from everyone. Other people feel the same way you do; they are too self-concious about themselves to think bad things about you. And if people are reaching out to you, you can be sure they want to know you. Give them a chance. Good luck!

Answer 6

Recognising the problem is the biggest step and you've just taken it. A friend of mine introduced herself over the 'net' and said she had some serious problems when socialising. A few friends and I said 'No problem'. When we met in real life she was so over anxious to please that, we took a step back and slowed the pace down a bit. When we got to know her we found out that she was a wonderful human being and very kind and loving. She is now relaxed in our presence and I've been invite to her wedding. She's marrying a bloke attached to our crowd. I tell this story to say this, there is hope, there are ways to sort this out. You've got to be brave and find the right method for you. Good luck out there!

Answer 7

Are you making friends with the wrong people? It can be fun pricking pompous peoples egos. If they don't like you, move on, find the people who will. Between you and me, some people are stupid and insecure and need to be told that they are wonderful all the time, irritating in other words. You have a sense of humour and are self deprecating, both excellent qualities. Next time some vacuous tart says you are hard work, GIVE HER BOTH BARRELS, move on, let them change. You sound like a strong, fun woman.

Answer 8

Sounds like you been realy hurt at some point in your life, you have a lack of trust and are putting barriers up, sort of hurt them before they hurt you, but you are only hurting yourself.
So try to put the hurt behind you and start all over again.
Love an hugs sent to you x

Answer 9

It sounds like a definate trust issue to me...I think if you alienate people, and cause them to flee, life is safer then and it definately keeps you in control. Not much fun, but safer. I have found that these kind of profound changes generally only come about through finding the love of Christ, the one and true healer. Best Wishes.

Answer 10

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