Every time I asked my fiancee for something he gives me a million and one reasons why he cannot. A few weeks ago we were talking about getting my car serviced and he told me he had a friend that would fix my car real cheap. So I told him to call the guy. He never did. When I asked him again he told me that he could change my oil himself. He never did and when I asked him he said that he didn't have time. The next weekend he brought home his friends car to put a radio system in it but he couldn't change my oil!!! Today he got off work early and I asked him to pick the kids up from the babysitter he told me he was in the store buying a computer desk and that he wouldn't have time this was at 5:00pm and I don't get off work til 8. So when I called him back at 6 he was at home and said that his stepbrother had just come over to so he couldn't get the kids!!! By this time I was pissed off!!! So when I blow up at him he told me I was being unreasonable!!! Was I?
2006-12-26 11:00:05 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hello =)
We are, most of us(guys), lazy dogs, really. We do as little as possible to maintain relationships, as a rule, but this guy takes the cake.
No, you were not being unreasonable, and personally, I think it's ultimatum time. Either he gets ship-shape, or he ships out!!!
You need someone much more useful in your life than this, and, well, you'd have a hard time finding someone less useful, so, really you have nowhere to go but up.
Stick to your guns....he's supposed to be committed to you, since he's your fiance. You don't want to end up stuck in a marriage when all he'll end up being is one more kid to take care of, and that's where he's heading.
Namaste, and Happy Holidays,
--Tom
2006-12-26 11:05:57 · answer #1 · answered by glassnegman 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well since you already have kids together? you two will need to learn to communicate better, whether or not you actually get married.
The behaviors you describe is typical of passive/aggressive, and procrastination. Though it seems he does not have any respect for you or the kids (his kids?). I am guessing he really doesn't want to be tied down to a family yet, probably too young. Most guys under 25 are not ready for that type of commitment.
(Just a hunch on his age based on the stereo for the car comment)
I suggest end the engagement, move out, if they are his kids, hit him up for child support and see if that wakes him up.
2006-12-26 11:08:38 · answer #2 · answered by mscyngrim 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are being unreasonable in that you're asking him to do your chores for you. Buck up and take the car to an oil service center. Pick up the kids yourself. Why the hell are you picking on him and nagging him when you know that he's not going to do sh*it?
Do not rely on this guy to do anything for you. Even if he offers, nod politely and do your own thing. He won't mind. He doesn't care about your chores. Get a clue.
2006-12-26 11:05:58 · answer #3 · answered by Sax M 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
get used to it. That is the way he operates and I promise it won't change. He will break his promises and then when you remind him he will call you a nag.
Try making lists of what he says he will do and post it on the fridge. Add a time limit and a secondary action for each thing.
For example:
Please fix the hole in the roof. If you don't get to it by 1/5, I will call to hire someone.
2006-12-26 11:23:51 · answer #4 · answered by Jennifer D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No not at all... I think you need to start looking for a life without the selfish jerk... and let me guess if your car broke down because he "didn't have time to fix it" would he have the time to pick you and the kids up when you ended up stranded on the side of the road somewhere at night... he probably wouldn't have time to do that either.
2006-12-26 11:04:39 · answer #5 · answered by Wiked 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If a man loves you and if this man is you fiancee, I assume he loves you, then he helps you in every way he can and doesn't give you grief. If this is the way he is now, you can bet this will be the way it will be when your married to him. Sit down and have a heart to heart with him and if he doesn't change you may want to call off the marriage.
2006-12-26 11:05:19 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you think it will be any better when you're married? I doubt it. If you cannot take it now, it will only get worse. You need to make some decisions. You can either stay in a relationship where your partner is a bum and doesn't care about you, or you can pack your stuff and move on.
2006-12-26 11:05:09 · answer #7 · answered by tko43078 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, and you really need to ask yourself. Is this the man you want to marry and spend the rest of your life with? He seems somewhat unreliable and selfish. Sounds as though he does not know how to be a team player within a relationship. God bless****
2006-12-26 11:26:11 · answer #8 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you were unreasonable. I think you should think about why you are still with him though. It seems that he is self centered and is only out to please himself. Anything to help you out seems to be an inconvenience to him. I suppose that when his car breaks down, you drop everything to go and help him. This doesn't sound like a balanced relationship and you will be more stressed out and resentful as time goes on.
2006-12-26 11:09:54 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He wants you to do all the hard work and has no respect for you at all. from now on, whenever he wants something you give him a dose of his own medicine. He has to take more responsibilities and behave like a real man, not some four year old retarded child.
2006-12-26 11:09:28 · answer #10 · answered by artist-oranit.com. 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋