I'm 18. My parents are controlling. How do I get them to back off?

Question

I'm 18 and I sincerley feel that my parents are overcontrolling. Everytime I want to leave the house, to say, go have a cup of coffee with a friend, I have to ask their permission. Usually they say no. I'm not allowed to go over friends houses unless their is an adult over. If I get a slightly less than perfect grade in school with a subject I struggle with, their on my back. If I have a male friend over, I'm not allowed to be in my room, even with the door open. Every time I open my mouth to question why I'm not allowed to do certain things, I get told to "Shut Up", or that I'm "just mad because they're saying no" or that "they dont want to hear it" or that I'm "defying them". There is constant fighting in my house because when my older brother was my age, he was pretty much allowed to do whatever he wanted. I feel as if they're stifling me, even other adults such as parents of friends say that they're too hard on me. I feel like I have no say in my life. What do I do?

Answer 1

You might hear this a million times but they are worried and you need to gain trust. I say be honest and detailed. Call periodically to let them know whats up and have a number where they may contact you. And introducing your friends never hurts.

Answer 2

Catch the parents at a time when noone is rushed.Try to get them to calmly sit down and have a quiet,calm talk.Coolly,calmly explain your side of the story.Don,t yell, or become hot under the collar so long as you can help it.Explain calmly all the things that bother you and quietly state that you ARE 18 , a legal adult.

See what you can do to come to an agreeable compromise.See if you can, for example, if you do certain house chores, then you wouldn,t be necessarily "bugged" or stopped from going for coffee with a friend.Agree to do the chores set regularly and do them consistently.And tell your parents that,IF you do your housework regularly without being asked, then they could decide to let you have some freedom to go for coffee with your friends.

Continually doing things like housework without being asked brings trust and a show of responsibility to your parents and their views of you will go for the better.

Try this and see if it doesn,t work. I cannot see why it can,t.

Answer 3

You're 18, a legal adult, but you're still living under your parents' roof. Sucks, I remember being 18. Your parents don't want to lose their daughter - As a parent now (I'm 31) i see all the stuff on the news and radio about all the crap that's wrong with the world and it scares us.
As long as you respect them, they shouldn't tell you to shut up. Go a few weeks without back-talking and then calmly ask to speak to them, just the three of you. Keep a journal and list to them all the instances they've said no, etc and you've kept your cool. State that you've been willing to do as they as and now, since you've shown you're responsible enough to abide by their rules, to please let you show them you're responsible enough to go out with friends and be back by the time you say you'll be back, call when you get there, when you leave, etc. start small and show them you can handle it.

Answer 4

At 18, most likely you can't live on your own, otherwise you would have done so already. Your best option is to go away for college, start applying for scholarships so you will not be financially dependent on them, getting a part time job while in school won't hurt. You may not appreciate it now but they are controlling for a reason, maybe you will see it when you have your own family and your son or daughter wants to hang out all the time. Read the newspaper check out the news and you will see how many kids never make it home from hanging out.
wish you all the best

Answer 5

They are doing there job as there parents. Now you have to do your job as a daughter. If your constantly argueing with your parents how do you expect them to hear you. Relax! Its common sense that a good parent will not let you be in a room with a guy. Besides your parents arent dumb, they know your not really planning on drinking coffee with your friend. Dont be in a rush to grow up because when you do you'll regret rushing into it. I know i am the perfect example of what your going through. I moved away at 18 and now its really hard. Just listen to them ok!

Answer 6

The only thing u can do is try to earn ur parents' trust, since u are a girl in their eyes and in their minds they feel as if they should protect u as much as they can, because believe it or not u are still a child in their eyes, its not like they want to be controlling its that it just comes naturally and they give ur brother more freedom is probbaly because he is a guy and yes people tend to become bias like that but thats just how it is, so there is one thing u can do to loosen up the controlling, ask them how can u gain their trust tell them where u are at all times and make them trust u. many moms and dads are liek that because u never know what may happen. many teens nowadays feel as if they are already all grown up and know everything there is to know but many times they are wrong and mistakes happen. so ur parents are doing this for ur own good. but if u really want them to let u out ull jus have to earn their trust help them do little things so they will know that ur responsible and eventually give u more freedom as time goes on.

Answer 7

Well first I got to say don't be mad at your parents they're just overcontrolling because they love you. It's going to take them some time to learn that you're a grown up women and not a baby. First of all you have to show them that you are mature and can handle RESPONSABILITIES because parents beleive that if you can't be responsable at home you can't be responsable else where. So do you're chores and show them that you're a mature responsable child. Also to talk them about you're problem but remeber in a CALM manner and remind them how it was like when they were kids.

I really hope you'll take my advice and continue to show them RESPONSABILITIES.
Sinseraly therapist.

Answer 8

Your parents are trying to protect you.

They don't want you going out to meet friends because they fear you are meeting a boy. The boy may entice you to have sex or drive unsafely. They don't want your bedroom door shut because they don't want you to do anything with a boy behind the door that you would prefer your parents not see.

Are your parents strict? Yes. Are they overly strict? Possibly.

I have a question for you. Has your behavior or conversation given them concerns?

If you have common sense and your head on straight, and are sure you will not be manipulated by others, then you need to have a sincere conversation with your parents. Ask you parents straight-up why they don't trust you? If they tell you that they do trust you, but do not trust others you are with, then you need to remind them that they taught you well and need to have faith in your decision-making processes. In other words, that you would not put yourself in jeopardy and that you have good judgement.

I understand your parents' fears, but I also believe that if they raised you right, they should not be too overly concerned with your ability to take care of yourself. Your values have already been set, and they need to prepare for their baby bird to begin leaving the nest.

Good luck.

Answer 9

As others have said, move out. We cannot change other people. I know/have known lots of women in their 20's who live at home and have no freedom because under the parent's roof it's their rules. And yes, they indeed do that to daughters and let sons do whatever they want. Not to approve of what they are doing but they probably feel they need to protect you from all that's out there.

Answer 10

1 you still live in there house so they have the right to say who is goes in or out, and plus they are you parents and they care a lot about you but if you think they are going to far then you need to start to make a new life. Because if you can not go by there rules of their house then you need to move on.