I've been married for a little over a year, and my husband is so different with me. When we were dating, he wasn't a romantic, but he wasn't as cold as he is now. He used to tell me nice things, and he would love to cuddle and make out. Now, when he gets home from work he gives me the cold shoulder. For christmas, he didn't even give me anything. The only thing that hasn't changed is our communication. We've talked about this, but it never seems to go anywhere. I trust my husband 110%, and I'm sure he's not cheating. Could it be cuz he's not attracted to me? What are some things I can do, to put the spark back in our relationship? All suggestions are welcomed.
2006-12-26 09:35:52 · 17 answers · asked by Scorpio Chika 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Start making time for doing things, you both used to before you got married to put alittle spark back in! Sometimes marriages become predictable and both partners know eachothers routines, so do something spontaneous and nice on the odd occassion.
2006-12-26 09:41:09 · answer #1 · answered by thenearlyman786 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You don't say if he offered you any explanation for his behavior when you talked about it. Did he give you any clue as to what is really going on here? Has something significant happened recently to change his attitudes? Does he have a new job or act differently at work? Other family problems with parents or siblings?
And the hard questions: Are you sure he really wanted to get married? Has the issue of kids come up & is it a problem? Is he somehow missing something significant in his life that he had hoped and planned for?
Without more info, it's a tricky question. You probably know this guy better than anyone. You're going to have to rely on your own instincts and continue to investigate.
I would continue to try and communicate with him on a daily basis about a variety of things (not just the big issues). Get feedback from him about little things as well and see if you can piece something together. If things stay stressed, then you might try pushing him a little further on the topic, but keeping the lines of communication open is the most critical thing.
Try to do something together at least once a week that gets you out and gets you talking. Show interest in whats going on with him and let him know whats going on with you.
You mentioned attraction. But, I don't think that's the main issue. This sounds more like something is going on with him that is stress related, but, without more info, it's hard to be sure.
Good Luck! Maybe you could add some extra details.
2006-12-26 17:47:25 · answer #2 · answered by bionicbookworm 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you initiate some of these changes that the both of you have talked about making? For instance if you have discussed being more affectionate, make the first move and grab him from behind and give him a huge hug. Or compliment him more or show that you appreciate something about him- even a small thing. This will set the tone for a good night and if you keep doing things like that I am sure he will follow in his actions. Good luck and don't give up. Every marriage hits a rough patch and it CAN be worked out if both people make an honest effort.
2006-12-26 18:04:40 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's possible that your husband is having trouble adjusting to having a wife, rather than a girlfriend. I'm not suggesting he regrets marriage, or doesn't love you, just the mental adjustment. This happens in every marriage. I had a hard time adjusting when my hot sexy wife became a Mommy, complete with car seat and baby wipes. He's your husband. Talk to him. Even if he can't tell you what's wrong- talk to him. Together, you can figure this out, and fix it. Don't worry too much, you've got the next fifty years to get it right.
2006-12-26 18:13:24 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The not exchanging gifts part is what bothers me, here. My husband and I always get each other something for Christmas, just to show the other that we're thinking about the other person.
Just because you are married does NOT mean that he can treat you like a door mat or a convenience because you are legally bound to each other. He needs to treat you with the same respect that he treated you with BEFORE you got married.
Unfortunately, a lot of times, we don't know our spouses until we marry them. I hope that this is just a phase, but I would suggest counseling.
2006-12-26 17:47:15 · answer #5 · answered by <3 The Pest <3 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he wasnt romantic b/4 marriage, he certainly will NOT improve in that category AFTER marriage. That's the major prob with marriage, mates takes mates for granted. And the rat race of living takes over.
You may be TALKING about it. But apparantly you're not actually COMMUNICATING. Otherwise, you would be able to resolve the issue of how you're feeling. And would NOT have all the questions. Perhaps involving a 3rd party professional would help in the true art of communicating. It's not simply a matter of talking, but resolving. It's great that you want to correct this before it really destroys you and your marriage. Good wishes to you and yours! ;)
2006-12-26 17:46:22 · answer #6 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wish I could help you but I feel like I'm on the same boat. If I'm here it's because I just want you to know that there is someone out there that feels the same. Sorry to hear that. Wish you the best.
2006-12-26 17:54:31 · answer #7 · answered by Isabela 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you two considered a visit to a marriage counselor or therapist? A trained professional can help you through the barriers preventing more intimacy between you and your spouse.
2006-12-26 17:40:17 · answer #8 · answered by idahdespida 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Go to a counselor, pastor or such. Make your husband go to. Maybe then you can figure out what the problem is.
2006-12-26 17:40:02 · answer #9 · answered by Jodi C 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
you could surprize him one night, make him dinner, dress all sexy, light the candles, etc... if that dont work see a councelor... i dont like suggesting it but it sounds like you might need to... but struting around the house in some skimpy undies or whatever might be a good start
2006-12-26 17:39:26 · answer #10 · answered by trackstud610 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋