I still love him but we're headed down different paths in life. He's not compromising on issues with having children, he works out of state regardless of how unhappy I've said this makes me, he says I haven't been supportive of his choices to work/go to school out of state. How can I be when i don't believe he's making the best choices for both of us. Believe, me I have talked to him about all of this. He currently won't be coming home for 3 months. I'll see him if I go and visit him. He has also stated even after he finishes school he will keep this job that requires him to travel back and forth. He would then come home every other week or so. (so he says) But, I don't think I can stick around to find out. Just wondering what was your breaking point?
2006-12-26 09:31:47 · 15 answers · asked by Hear2Help 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He lives with 3 guys out of state that all took this job as nurses together.
2006-12-26 09:32:55 · update #1
Yes, Source I have. Sorry, for the repetiveness. This just weighs heavily on my mind.
2006-12-26 09:59:57 · update #2
oolishfay, that's it exactly. I've been living with a part time husband for almost a year now. I'm tired , bored, lonely and feel almost abandoned. Sure, he calls just about everyday and says he loves me and misses me, but he's not changing anything on his end. And, I am thinking what if children were involved? This isn't good for them either.
2006-12-26 10:02:52 · update #3
April. I'm 34 and he's 33. We've been married 6 years. No kids.
2006-12-26 10:04:19 · update #4
P.s the other guys are married and one guy has 5 kids.
2006-12-26 10:13:51 · update #5
You didn't discuss your ages, hon, but from your little note, here, he doesn't sound very committed to your relationship--- being gone being a major item, and that you and he aren't even living together, nor making an attempt to bring you to the city where he works.... 'sides, if he's a nurse, he can work anywhere. I think the absolute dealbreaker is betrayal, but wow, this is pretty aweful and pretty close. You didn't marry to spend what looks like most of your future during the evenings by yourself. For sure, don't have any children with the guy....save that baby for another husband.... every child should be wanted by both parents, and those two people ought to be together providing a loving home..... It would be you doing all the providing... and that's not too much better than being a single mom,and in effect, you would be. Nope, think from this note, you have every right to file under irreconcilable differences. Marriage is two people in a committed relationship of love, support, admiration, respect, trust, and all the rest of it -------- the lovies, the time together, making a home, having dinner with friends, yadayadayada Hon, looks like he ain't husband material. In your place, yup, I'd call it quits. He's still a baby, unconcerned of your wishes for a husband....If actions speak louder than words, the "words" are saying, "I wanna be alone...." So let him be, and file, get out, and find yourself a cupcake of a guy..... you're worth it...
And do you still love him????.... actually, no. You love what you want him to be, you love the image that you see with him, and they just ain't the same. You say here that he works out of state knowing full well how unhappy you are..... think that says lots, hon....You're way past the breaking point....
2006-12-26 09:50:52 · answer #1 · answered by April 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I can't answer your specific question, because I have been married for 17 years and never had to make that decision. But, I want to chime in and say that it is okay for you to decide this is not how you want to live your life, with basically a part-time marriage. Especially if you don't have children. The hardest part is admitting you made a mistake and acknowledging that he is not a good match for you. It is not a failure on your part, or his, you are just different from each other - - different ideals, different goals, a different vision of what is a good marriage. A good marriage needs two people who are on the same team, not a round peg trying to whittle a square peg into a round peg.
So my answer would be that your breaking point should be when you realize this is not how you want to live the rest of your life. I wouldn't want a part-time husband either.
Good luck to you!
2006-12-26 09:42:58 · answer #2 · answered by oolishfay 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It seems weird for him to be married and gone so much but a lot of people have jobs that require them to travel. I personally would rather be with someone that did not have to travel as much. You might have to talk to him and tell him this is not the kind of life you want. If he truly loves you he will take this to heart and want to work it out with you. If he doesn't fight for you he likes the traveling more than the marriage and you will always be living this way unless you leave.
2006-12-26 09:38:17 · answer #3 · answered by Venus 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Makes me wonder if he is gay! My breaking point is when ex took off with everything ($$), moved out and was having an affair.
Trust me, I would rather be living with my husband than with 3 female auto mechanics. How come you did not move with him with begin with? Why is trying to play mind games, making you trying to feel inferior or blame you for some decisons way back? It makes me wonder if it is some kind of game that he is playing.
2006-12-26 09:59:50 · answer #4 · answered by Emily L 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with Scott too. Living with 3 male nurses out of state? and he doesn't care if he sees you or not for 3 months? Sounds a little suspect to me.
2006-12-26 09:51:32 · answer #5 · answered by strawberry 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Apparently he isn't thinking of you. He is thinking of himself. I knew it was time to divorce my prior husband when I would lay in bed at night trying to decide how I could kill him and not get caught... yeah I know twisted. HOWEVER once we were divorced and went our separate ways, we became good friends for our kids. Sounds like you deserve a husband who wants to be with you. I am a nurse and I am sure there has to be at least ONE nursing job where you live. He obviously values money over your relationship. Good Luck.
2006-12-26 09:52:58 · answer #6 · answered by RaLoh 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You've asked this question before, didn't you? The guy that's in California going to be a nurse? Sounds like carreer and friends are waaay more important than you. In fact, he's pushing you further away. Think of moving on. He has already.
2006-12-26 09:37:24 · answer #7 · answered by INDRAG? 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
When I left my husband I did still love him thats what made it so hard but at some point I wised up and was tired of the way I was treated.
2006-12-26 09:35:31 · answer #8 · answered by mom363546 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i knew it was the time to split up when i didnt feel anything when i looked at him.
the thought of him touching me made me cringe.
there was nothing there anymore.
my husband was always working away, he would come home at weekends and then he'd go out, we didnt really have a life together.
now im getting divorced and i have a new partner who makes me feel amazing
2006-12-26 10:08:38 · answer #9 · answered by mowgligurl 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
last time I checked the spouse had to sign the papers, so there's no way they won't know until it's done. But you can get the papers put together without your psouse knowing and then they can get served to him/her.
2016-05-23 08:46:28 · answer #10 · answered by Maria 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋