I became friends with one of my friends through my partner of 13 yrs he has been friends ( bare with me ) with this guy my friends husband forever since little kids .
He regularly cheats and I know she is now pregnant and I feel like I should tell but know its not helping anyone at all ; the guy is also my friend and hes been through LOTS of drama . Losing a son who was 3 years old , then a miscarriage of his baby and his 16 yr old cousin dying . As i say drama , so I kind of feel like hes having fun and deserves to . But what about her and would she thank me
2006-12-26 09:20:32 · 30 answers · asked by C 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No she wouldnt ,believe me,they always shoot the messenger.
Also ,he would fall out with you and all his mates would,and your partner would go ape.
I know where your coming from ,but my bet is she already knows,we women aren't daft.
2006-12-26 09:25:44 · answer #1 · answered by Pat R 6 · 1⤊ 5⤋
Sticky situation....If you tell her, she may "shoot the messenger", or not believe you anyway. If you don't-and she finds out on her own and that you KNEW about it, she will feel betrayed. Talk about stuck between a rock and a hard place.
While I feel for anyone who has been through what he has, it's still no reason to cheat-that isn't going to help him cope, and it will only cause him more despair. If he is so distraught over a previous miscarriage, why would he be so disrespectful of the wife who is currently carrying his child?
If there is concrete evidence, I say tell her. Otherwise you will only be losing 2 friends. If not, I would try to talk to him as a friend about how hurt his wife would be if she knew, and maybe convince him to change his behavior. As a friend, you have the right to show concern when he's making such a huge mistake!
2006-12-26 17:48:03 · answer #2 · answered by dragonlady 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So the wife also lost a 3 yr old son and had the miscarriage?? Did she run off and have sex with another man?? As a wife, I would want to know. Why wasn't he trying to find comfort with his wife? What a mess. Chances are he will be slapped with a paternity suit anyway. Then he will have to pay child support. So you could tell her now and chance losing her husband as a friend OR you could wait till the other shoe drops and comfort her after she finds out. If she finds out you knew and didn't tell her.... and she will find out... she is going to be very angry and betrayed. I would want a head start "getting on with my life".
Good Luck to all!
2006-12-26 17:39:28 · answer #3 · answered by RaLoh 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No, I don't think you should tell her - she is at a vulnerable time in her life and he is at risk of his child having no respect for him his whole life. That is a lot to throw away. I think instead you should pull him aside and tell him he is putting his relationship at risk with his behaviour, and that he owes to her to end it or respectfully end the relationship if he really can't bring himself to do the right thing.
As a friend however, maybe you can get him to understand that she needs him more than ever now that she is pregnant, and would want to know that the father of her child is a principled man with values worthy of being a father, not a childish spoilt boy who can't keep his parts in his pants.
2006-12-26 17:58:02 · answer #4 · answered by AJ... Australia 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Toughie this - I would say tell her, its all crap which everway you look at it. But (and this is my personal angle on it) to have some knowledge about what's been going on can only be beneficial to the probable end result of this issue.
He will at some stage get caught out, but will carry on and not stop until he's gets caught.
What a pickle - Tell Her
Good luck RTC
2006-12-26 20:21:49 · answer #5 · answered by raythecat 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell her... but choose your time carefully. She is pregnant after all. She has a right to know the truth no matter how distressing it is because then she can choose where she wants to be. She may not want to share her life with someone who has no self control and is full of excuses for their behaviour...or is that just you making excuses? We all have terrible experiences in our lives but does that give us the right to behave badly towards people that arent to blame? She will thank you as time passes and she meets a man that is respectfull of her.
2006-12-26 17:40:05 · answer #6 · answered by vmmc_64 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
tragedies do not allow a person to drop morals and hurt the ones left that truely care for them. Would you want to know if your husband was "having a good time" behind your back? and how would you feel if your friend knew and did nothing?
2006-12-26 17:49:22 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
TELL! Who cares about the 'Drama!' Losing a life/lives does not justify cheating. You need to protect the innocent and right now you are protecting the guilty.
2006-12-26 17:35:37 · answer #8 · answered by Presagio 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
what do you mean he deserves to have fun, if he lost a child who was 3 years old, im guessing this girl is the mother of that child, so hasnt she been through a lot, and now he has got her pregnant and he cant even be faithful to her then he shouldnt even be with her
2006-12-26 17:25:06 · answer #9 · answered by liza p 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
A lot of people go through drama that doesn't turn them into cheaters. Is she getting to cheat on him for going through drama? Tell her and then tell your friend what a jerk he is.
2006-12-26 17:31:34 · answer #10 · answered by Venus 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Do you think he will change now she is pregnant?
If not, then the anon letter idea sounds like a good idea. Then it is her choice what to do once she knows the facts.
2006-12-26 21:56:19 · answer #11 · answered by teary chocolate 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋