I have moved to a nother state with my partner, in witch I love with all my heart.. but his mother has cancer, and shes probaly not gonna last much longer... yesterday was christmas and it was heard on her, him and me, I havent lost a perant of cancer, so I dont think Iam the best person for him, should I pack my bags, I dont wonna make thangs worse than they are. what should I do?
2006-12-26 08:49:23 · 12 answers · asked by ? 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
I try to talk to him but he pushes me away, we fight ever other day about stupid things, I feel when we moved he dosent wont me to be there for him.. why do I feel like this?
2006-12-26 09:21:04 · update #1
some time I fell like running away form my problems.. Iam just a diff. person.
I cryed yesterday, because of my family. I dont have any one around me. (because Iam Gay they dont care about me any more) and we left.. I feel like an @ss hole,
2006-12-26 09:24:51 · update #2
I agree with those above who said you should not leave. This is the time your partner needs your help the most even if he doesn't say so or admit it to himself. You don't describe what the "stupid things" you fight over are but you should put an end to that now. Remember, it takes two to create an argument. If your partner wants to engage you in an argument you don't have to take the bait. Just know he is probably doing that because he is hurting, not because of anything you have done or said. Give him space and time to reevaluate his feelings at such times. Let him know you are there for him and willing to help in any way possible. Tell him that you want to help but don't always know how. Ask him how you can best help him. Remember too that sometimes helping is not what you do or say particularly but just being there, just standing by and supporting. You will undoubtedly feel pain through much of this grieving process but hang in there. If you are willing to endure some pain and really be there for your partner in his time of need your relationship can only grow stronger. My best wishes go out to you, Scott.
2006-12-26 10:01:03 · answer #1 · answered by Seeker 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Right now, it is very hard times for him. It isn't that he no longer loves you, I am sure he does. Just let him know that you are there for him in his time of need. Then kind of back off, let him have all the space he needs in order to get through this. Losing a parent is not an easy thing for anyone to go through, at any age. DO NOT move out on him, and don't let him down. It will pay off in the end. Stick by him through thick, and through thin. Unconditional love is what this is known as. Good luck my brother.
2006-12-26 19:06:05 · answer #2 · answered by knownothing 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just because you haven't lost a parent to cancer doesn't mean that you are not the best person for him, and if you were to pack your bags and leave him he would have to deal with losing you on top of worrying about losing his mother. You are fighting and he is pushing you away because he is irritable, and he is irritable because of the stress from his mother's cancer. Holidays can be stressful for you since you are not close to your family, but don't let that effect your relationship with your partner. If you love your partner with all your heart you shouldn't think about leaving him, you should be there for him because he is going through a hard time right now.
It can be difficult for you as well as him, but try not to talk about his mother's cancer unless he brings the subject up first. Try to talk about positive things, but when he wants to talk about his mother's illness be there for him.
2006-12-26 17:56:25 · answer #3 · answered by χριστοφορος ▽ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with gitsliveone and Laurie. You need to stick by him. People can sometimes seem irrational when they're grieving, and he's already grieving the mother he's about to lose. Don't take it personally, and don't leave him because you feel inadequate for not having also lost a parent. If everyone left a grieving significant other just because they haven't gone through it themselves, there would be no relationships left in the world. Just be there, and do the best you can. It's hard, but you'll get through it.
2006-12-26 17:35:29 · answer #4 · answered by Jess H 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He's going through a flurry of emotions right now and he's probably feeling too raw to let anyone too close to him at the moment. That may be difficult to understand, but just take it from that it is likely so.
Be of support by following his lead. If you aren't able to get anything from him about what you can do for him, just ask him things from time to time such as, "Do you need anything?" or "Could you use a hug right now?"
Try to stay with him unless he asks you to go. If you run because you're scared, or confused, you'll only regret it later...and he may never forgive you.
Keep one thing in mind....his mother is dying. How could YOU possibly make that any worse? You can't.
2006-12-26 17:48:19 · answer #5 · answered by castle h 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, I found your bottom question!!!! Whoopee!!!
Anyhow, give him his space, as much as he needs, be there, stay there, but let a guy sort out what he's gotta sort out.
You, Like I, don't know where he's coming from because you and I's parents have not died of Cancer.
I'd give him space, but be there. Good luck and I just handed you a pound of Confidence on the house. Keep your chin up and stay passively strong during your partners grief. Good luck.
2006-12-26 17:36:41 · answer #6 · answered by IMHO (In My Humble Opinion) 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My Dad died of cancer 2 years ago, and the one thing i wish i had was the support from my partner and he wasn't there for me, so All i have to say is if u love him stick around and support him no matter what!
2006-12-26 18:06:20 · answer #7 · answered by Pilsner 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't leave him, in my opinion. His mother is dying, and he needs all the love/support/understanding he can get. It would be terrible to lose 2 people at the same time, you should stay with him even if it is rough, but he might be needing you now more than ever.
2006-12-26 17:27:39 · answer #8 · answered by Scarlet 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
No, stick by him. Let him cry when he wants, let him talk about her. Whatever he needs to do to get through it, just let him know you're there for him. If you left you would basically be saying, I don't love you enough to go through the bad times with you. Please stick by him
2006-12-26 17:15:25 · answer #9 · answered by gitsliveon 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
DO NOT LEAVE HIM. get through this together. if you leave him, especially at a sad time like this, he will be even more depressed.
STAY TRUE
2006-12-26 18:32:00 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋