Relationship blues... What do you do when you love someone that you know you aren't compatible with?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and have lived together since we met (we met abroad and he left to be with me). After a few weeks together, it became apparent that we could start an argument over anything, despite loving each other very much. Our sex life was amazing but we are now having problems in the bedroom. We split up over infidelity issues (him and my sister got off with each other on a night out and it only came out 5 months later). Him and my sister now don't speak and I feel angry and betrayed by both of them. He is always on self-destruct and just drinks when things get too much for him, but it makes me feel lonely and frustrated. We split up eventually and he went home but we missed each other so he came back a week later however we are now back to arguing again. It's a case of can't live with him, can't live without him. What do you do when you love someone so much but know that you will constantly be compromising your happiness to be with them? Thanks! x

Hello again! Many thanks for your kind answers. Can I just clarify that they didn't sleep together - they kissed each other and then went for a random 2 hour walk 'to buy cigarettes' in the middle of the night; the actual goings on of the journey now 'forgotton' by him and her saying that he continued to come onto her for something extra. Neither of their stories tally; however I see everyone's point. Even an inappropriate touch is way too much. I suppose there is a degree of immaturity
when we are together which is ridiculous as it is only when we are together that my irrational side comes out. The danger comes in judging people by your own standards - you treat as you expect to be treated and naturally expect that your partner will do the same. When they don't, it's hard to reconcile in your own mind because you simply don't understand how someone could behave in such a destructive and uncaring way. Thanks for all your answers and merry Christmas! x x

Answer 1

if u love him, set him free, u will come to terms with it and be happy again, ive been there,but the best thing i did was split up, go out with friends and before u know it your moving on.

Answer 2

This relationship is hopeless. The minute he screwed your sister it was over. I'd be pissed at her too, but she if family and you will forgive her eventually. You will never trust him again. Sleeping with family hits really close to home. It's not like a one night stand with a stranger. It's even more deplorable than that. Let him go. Read self help books. Get counseling and move on. You do need counseling to let go of him. You will find someone that respects you, trust me.

Answer 3

Your boyfriend/sister have destroyed any chance you have of making this relationship work, because there is no trust, & you seem to only communicate through arguing.

This is not healthy & in the long term will eat away at your self esteem. You will never be truly happy.

Also think you need to address the part your sister has played in this, it takes two to tango!

If you want to remain in contact with your boyfriend then obviously that is your choice, but I wonder if that will ever enable you to move on?

Whatever you decide to do, it will be tough.

Answer 4

sorry to say this, but thats why it is very important to first get married to move in together. when ur only a couple and living together u dont feel obligated to stay and work out the problem because there is no real committment. and being married well..., u live together and feel a need to work out something thats great, especially having to remember how handsome or beautiful the spouse to be. it brings a different atmosphere. more love than a lust thing. my apologys but thats the way it goes.

Answer 5

I think you need to look at YOUR actions more than his at this point...what is going on with you that makes you think that kind of behavior from him is acceptable? You need some time apart and some counseling to find out what you need because it sounds like you're just afraid to be alone. I know, I've been there too, but you will look back and either be glad for the decision that you made or wish that you had made a different one.

Answer 6

Sweetie that ain't love. Love does not have sex with your sister. That's immaturity and lust and the two together are worse than C-4! That's including your sister. Maybe instead of what you recognize as 'love' you should search for respect, loyalty, sincerity, monogamy, and a host of other things your "boyfriend and sister" failed to express while laid up sweatin' on top of each other.

Answer 7

Ah, live next door to one another???
It sounds like a case of immaturity to me. Do you really want to be part of someone elses growing up pains? Tell him you will get back with him in 5 years time if you haven't found something better to do with your life in the meantime.

Answer 8

Finish it now. It's for the best. And give your sister a slap the next time you see her.

If he could do what he has done he obviously thinks nothing of you. Do the right thing and be strong. He is a loser and he will never make you happy.

(And give your sister an extra slap from me. What was she playing at?)

Answer 9

You need to move on - this guy was with your sister! If your prepared to forgive that, then you are just giving this guy permission to do whatever he wants! You deserve so much better than him. I know you feel as though you can't live without him, but if you give yourself a chance, distance yourself from him, you will be able to find someone better! x

Answer 10

What sort of love this is when he's reached the point of sleeping with your own sister? The sooner you move on with your life the better!