First off I have to explain the hole sistuation.. on my b day my husban asked me what I wanted to do for my b day. I told him that I really didn't want to do a whole lot for my b day, as I just had a baby not that long ago, and have been sleep deprived and not feeling well. So on my b day my husban goes to work, comes home, and was home for about an hour, tells me happy b day and heads out with the "guys" to go and party. I was heart broken. He didn't come home till 1 am. His excuse was becasue i told him i didn't feel like doing much, he took it as i didn't want to do any thing, and there for thought it was ok to leave me completly alone on my b day. I was very upset over this and haven't really forgive him for it....
2006-12-26 08:07:02 · 52 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
As if that wasn't enough our b days are weeks apart. Right after my b day he anounces that he best friend is going to threw him a pary for his b day. I was excited at first thinking it would be good for a night out and to have some fun, when he tells me that it's the boys only, and that i am not invited.I was really upset then cause i am his wife, and i am not invited to my husbans b day?? wtf. first i tell him, that his friend should have called me to see if i have any thing planned. and then i tell him that i am still really upset about my b day still and i think he should spend his with me and our kids instead. He gets mad instead and continunes with the plans with his friends. every day leading up to the party i tell him that i don't aprove, and i feel that he is putting his friends before me. So the day of the party i was talking to a "friend" whom i think has a crush on my husban, and she tells me that my husban intived her to his party. and asked if i had changed my mind
2006-12-26 08:09:07 · update #1
on going cause my husban told her i didn't want to go. (which is a flat out lie) I complelty lose it.. not just crying, but abalutily histarical, and angry that he invited her to his party and not his own wife. he told me he forgot about asking her, and becuse alot of ppl where going to be drinking he thought that i wouldn't want to go. so any ways, i tell him that it's not fair, and i don't like what he has done, and i think he shouldn't go to the party..to call it all off. He gets mads, doesn't and goes any ways like he dosen't care about how much he hurt my feelings. Should i forgive him? or what should i do? sorry it's so long....wanted to get all the details in.
2006-12-26 08:09:59 · update #2
The fact that he didn't make a big deal out of your birthday after you told him not to is forgivable. Some men are just simple like that, and if you don't spell it out, they just don't get it or don't want to.
HIS birthday is another story. Yes, his friend should have checked with you to make sure you didn't have plans. That was rude. And the fact that you were told it was guy's only, and then your husband invited another woman, spells trouble hon.
Sometimes with a new baby, a husband may be offput by his wife's new role....i.e. the wifey just isn't much fun anymore, and he still wants the party girl. It sucks, and it's not fair because HE brought the child into the world too, but that's life.
Wanting to spend more time with the guys right now is common, normal, and forgivable. I would be most concerned about him inviting another woman to attend a party with him instead of you-especially since he not only didn't invite you, but specifically told you that you could not go. And is telling other people that you "decided" not to, I assume, for her to call and ask if you had changed your mind.
Is it possible, too, that you have been a different person lately? Not just sleep deprived and not feeling well-I mean my concern is that maybe you have postpartum depression, and that maybe his behavior is a reaction to dealing with a problem he doesn't understand.
Either way, you need to talk about this openly and deal with it asap. Don't just forgive anything. Tell him how you feel about it, put a stop to being treated so nonchalantly-so that it doesn't set a pattern for future behavior.
2006-12-26 08:23:25 · answer #1 · answered by dragonlady 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It was very mean of him. Don't let him off easy. Yes, this is forgiveable, but he needs to know he was very selfish. If he really was concerned about you, he would have found a way to celebrate with you in a way that would have been special for you. I'm really surprised as I read what others have wrote, how most think this is not such a big deal. I think it was really insensitive. I'll bet if you guys were just dating, and he did this, he would be history. But now you've got a baby together, not so easy to kick him to the curb. I just can't help think this is just the tip of the iceberg where he is in the habit of putting his own needs and desires before you or the baby. You need to talk this out with him and make him see that he is not single anymore.
I just read your additional details. How old are you guys? You must be very young. Honey, I hope you've got some support emotionally from family or some other source. This is going to be a hard road for you.
2006-12-26 08:13:30 · answer #2 · answered by ThatLady 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is NOT forgiveable. This was a form of total disrespect. He did not see the difference in your wanting some rest time as appose to hanging out which seemed more important. Your birthday is your day where you should've been considered even if all you wanted to do was sleep. He's only thinking of self. I would have a huge problem with this especially if you just had a baby, what kind of love is he offering? He not only disrespected you but your new baby and your household. He's hanging out like he's a single person coming in at 1:00 am. I would've had the locks changed and his property on the other side of the door.
2006-12-26 08:35:23 · answer #3 · answered by uneekqamar2004 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its forgivable if he's not cheating. i mean it sounds like to me that he has thought about cheating if he invites some girl that has a crush on him but not his own wife. I mean when you place the shoe on the other foot how would he have felt if you and the girls had this all day party planned and you invited some guy that he knew had a crush on you and not your husband. He would probably feel hurt. But to me it sounds like he is cheating or trying to by inviting this girl to a party and not you. And as far as your birthday is concerned, even if you didn't want to do anything at all he still should have done something for you. I mean would you really have been upset if you did go and do something no. so i mean as long as you have been married he should have that one figured out, no means yes sometimes in marriage. hope you get everything figured out
2006-12-26 08:33:29 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is the very reason I always say I would never remarry,. been there done that. Yeah if you are the forgiving type that is just it about being married what can you do, but forget about it. I wouldn't ever, ever marry again , I was married 1 time and sweetheart that was enough to last me a lifetime. That marriage is for people that don't mind being s*** on, lied to, cussed out for ever name in the books, come home if they come home at all drunk raising hell, beat the hell out of you and then want to crawl in that bed have have great sex. go out when they please come home lipstick , makeup and perfume all over them and didn't get home until 2 or 3 O'clock the next day and they tell you they was at their buddies house drinking and fell asleep on their couch.
That is what marriage represents to me. You work every day and they keep that joint bank account overdrawn, when you cash a check for groceries it bounces or for the house payment. NO THANK YOU .
2006-12-26 08:32:57 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is this Britney Spears?? You have a right to be upset with him. Even though you didn't want to do anything for yur bday he should have planned a dinner and a night in with you and his kids to celebrate your day and make you feel special. For his bday you should have found out the details to the party and shown up unannounced all decked out to show him that you are his wife and even though he was an *** you still loved him enough to be there on his day. You need to plan a night out for yourself and leave him with the kids. Make it a night that is suppossed to mean something like his bday, your anniversary or valentine's weekend. To really get even make it a weekend and leave him with the kids. See if he dares take you for granted again.
2006-12-26 08:23:17 · answer #6 · answered by big_family_12 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
many things are forgiveable - you just have to want to. Hopefully you took advantage of the time to get some needed rest and didn't stay up fuming about his choice. You could have given him an answer that would have said (possibly) let's relax at home with dinner and a movie or something like that - just for the two of you. Forgive the guy. after reading the additional comments that you had made - maybe you should hold up on the forgiving. WTF is right honey...Looks like the two of you need to have a chat about what's going on in his life...maybe it's nothing too serious or maybe it is. But without finding out what is going on your only going to continue to be angry and frustrated. Party crashing sounds like fun to me.
2006-12-26 08:12:29 · answer #7 · answered by mdee81 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would be very upset if I were you, actually I would be downright pissed off! Your husband is playing games is what it sounds like.Inviting other women and not you? Sorry to say this but his behavior sounds like that of somebody who is cheating,or thinking about cheating.Leaving you home alone all the time and keeping secrets....hmmmm......I need to have a SERIOUS talk with him.He needs a reality check.And if I were you I would keep a close eye on him.Go to the party.Good luck and Im sorry your husband is being such an A**hole.
2006-12-26 08:18:51 · answer #8 · answered by ♥It's a boy♥ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't forgive him right now, but I would try to work it out.
You need to sit down with him and talk about what really happened. He may not realize that what he did on your birthday hurt you so much.
Most guys really have to have everything SPELLED out for them. Whereas a woman may think "he seems tired, we'll stay in," a guy thinks "she said she didn't want to do anything so I can go do my own thing."
Talk to him (try not to get emotional and put all the blame on him). If you don't work this out now, it's just going to keep going from here.
Good luck!
2006-12-26 08:12:46 · answer #9 · answered by teel2624 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would be hard to forgive him. First, I would tell him how you feel. Secondly, Iwould confront him about inviting another woman. I would strongly recommend marriage counseling for you and your husband. If he will not go, go alone--get up the nerve to leave him if necessary. Any bone head can see you wanted a quiet night at home, maybe having him take care fo the baby so you could sleep and focus on you!! He sounds like an immature ***.
2006-12-26 08:12:04 · answer #10 · answered by gauchogirl 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋