Please help, Do you ever feel normal after a m/c?

Question

I dont think i will ever be ok.. I went to the doctor Nov 16th for a regular visit, I was 2 days away from 12 weeks. My doctor couldn't hear the heart beat so she sent us to get an ultrasound. There was no heartbeat. The baby stopped growing at 7wk 4 days. I am crushed. We we not expecting to get pregnant,but after we found out we were so happy. I know two people right now who are pregnant and couldn't give a sh*t . One has 3 kids already and is only 22. The other has had 2 abortions and is still on the fence about her new pregnancy. I hate that she has a choice.. she gets to choose if she keeps her baby. It not fair and I dont think I can ever get over this. Every pregnant woman or little kid gets me upset and I dont know how to get over this. I'm mad , sad , and confused. Can anyone help? How can this get better?

Answer 1

Sweetie its hard. And i wish i could tell you time will heal all wounds, but that is jsut a bunch of crap. I am truely sorry for your loss. I too had 2 m/c. its tough, and you will be back to normal, but you will always wonder and have thoes what ifs in your head. And believe me when i tell you this, Most people will only care about them selves, and not anyone else. When i lost my first, My hubbys b/f was having his first, they didn't come around for almost 2 monhts b/c they didn't know how to feel. It will get better for you. Only time will tell. Try to find a support group or someone close to you like a mother aunt, god mother, sister, or someone whos opinion you value. So sorry about your loss again. when it is your time you will have a healthy baby.

Answer 2

Dont worry at all, I was in the same situation, I got to know I am pregnant when it was already 6 weeks, me and my partner had not planned and didnt want but we were so happy. We were in Africa and we flew to europe, that time I was 8 weeks, but here they didnt hear a heartbeat and I was devastated, I had a D&C. Just after three months I got pregnant again, and now I am 16 week, even this time I had some bleeding around the 8th week but now everything is fine, dont lose hope, just be happy and keep making love for the sake of love and you will get the good news :-)

Answer 3

I'm sorry for your lost... My first pregnancy was a m/c, and that was almost ten years ago... If I sit and think about my baby... I still feel sad, because I got to hear the heartbeat... so I know there was a life growing inside of me... and from time to time, I wonder about my unborn baby... but to answer your question, yes you will feel normal again, you will always love your baby, but in time you will accept what happened... For now, the only thing I can recommend is cry a river, tears really do help you begin to heal... be blessed...

Answer 4

First, I'm so sorry for your loss. It must be very difficult for you. Secondly, don't feel that this hopelessness will last. It is possibly in large part due to hormones that will settle down. You will still feel sad, of course, but you may feel more "in control." You should also get some help. Talk with your doctor, support groups, friends or family that you know will be helpful.
And, just a wild suggestion...this friend who is on a fence about her baby. Have you thought of suggesting that she have it and you raise it? I've heard of stranger things...but she would no longer be "on a fence," and you could go back to planning for a baby -- one that may have lost it's life if not for you. You would have lost one child and saved another :) God bless.

Answer 5

I understand why you are upset. I know how hard it must be to lose a baby but you can't be mad forever, and even if your friends are being jerks about the whole deal. You just have to keep hoping and maybe you could convince your pregnant friend to keep her kid. You could even adopt it or become its godmother! I know it isn't the same as having your own child but it will give you a chance to heal and wait a while to make sure you are ready to try at getting pregnant again. Just try and get over this bad time in your life.

Answer 6

Im on the same boat as you!

I just had a m/c 2months ago too. My first pregnancy, my first loss.

But you know what, slowly but surely, we do move on. We get flashbacks and cry again, but we wipe them away with hope. Hope that one day, soon I hope, we will have that excitement in our lives again. That joy that only a baby can bring.

Dont worry, dont be mad or sad. Be joyfull that atleast for a couple of weeks, you were an important part of someone's life. And soon, you will be able to rejoice in that, and be a mommy to a new life.

God bless you, and may you and I be mommy's soon !!

Answer 7

I know how you feel... I have two friends who are barely 18 and already pregnant with their boyfriends of a few months, multiple married couples who are expecting their first children, as well as girls who are 19 and 20 with two and three children.

I was recently given the news that it may be difficult for me to conceive without taking some form of fertility medication. My friends are excited that I get to "plan" my pregnancies and will never have to worry about an "Oops!"... I don't think so... there will be no surprise, and I'm not even sure I can.. even with drugs... I'm just beyond myself with how everyone can consider my news to be good. These girls who do not need to be having children, cannot afford them, do not love them... it is unfair! I don't know what to say to you, I pray that you can once again conceive and carry a healthy child. My thoughts are with you. Things will get better. What's meant to be, is meant to be...

Answer 8

First of all I am very sorry for your loss. You are going to feel like this for a while, everything that you are feeling is completely normal,but in time you will begin to feel better. Talk to your significant other about how you are feeling. It is an awful thing to go through, but things will get better eventually. It's not something that you will just "get over." You will probably carry this experience with you for the rest of your life. But when you do have children you will appreciate your little miracle that much more. Good luck to you!!

Answer 9

What you're feeling is normal. No matter how you look at it there is a loss of life involved. I don't think you ever get back to normal but you do eventually find a way to cope & to move on to next phase of your life. As hard as It seems now with all the reminders that you face everyday, the heartache does fade to the background. For the time being, for the sake of your emotional state you may have to avoid situations that will bring the rush of emotions forth. It takes a while for the hormones to adjust & settle down & you'll ride an emotional roller coaster for a while yet. Surround yourself with the people in your life you enjoy being with most. Avoid, as much as possible being, alone & don't try to do all this on your own. There must be someone in your life who you can rely on, who is there in both the good times & the not so good times. You've got a lot to live for & a lifetime of happiness to enjoy once you get past this hurdle. You know in your heart you can do this. It's time to trust your instincts & your heart instead of allowing your emotions to mess with your mind.
Your getting all this from a male perspective but one who has experienced much of what you are going through as well. It's never easy & we at times beat ourselves up thinking it was something we did or may have caused when in fact it has more to do with nature itself. I ask myself sometimes what would have happened if the child had been carried full term but with complications. Would I want to bring a child into this world with severe birth defects that would never allow him or her to live a normal life & have no future. Of course not. I get angry & upset often but then realize everything was beyond my control. As each day passes it becomes easier but every so often it all comes rushing back & at times you least expect. The emotions will soon be a little easier to deal with. It's all a matter of time. If you ever want to compare notes E-mail me. The details are in my profile.

Answer 10

First of all, I am so sorry about your loss. I am sure it is very hard for you and your pain is probably all consuming right now.

You are right, it is not fair. Much of life is often unfair, but yet we keep going on.

My parents died when i was 16. Prior to that, they were awful, abusive, angry people who did not love us. I actually wondered why we were born so much of my childhood. After they died, I went on to live a pretty sad life for a while myself. I often felt angry and lonely, and would look at people with families and feel so cheated and betrayed by my fate.

Later, I married a man I trusted. Sadly, he too became abusive, I wanted a baby so bad, but the Dr's said it wouldn't happen. Even after our divorce, I went on for 10 years being told it wouldn't happen. I'd look at other women with thier children and again, feel so cheated.

Only by a miracle (truly) I had my son late in life. I almost losthim during the pregnancy too and was put on bed rest. Thankfully, he was born healthy and remarkable.

He is 19 mos now, I'm a single mom, and life is sometimes hard. I have given up many luxuries to have him. Yet, they don't seem like big things anymore. God replaced my sorrow with the joy I see in my son's eyes and the love I now feel, having never had that before.

There is hope. Please don't give up believing that it will be your turn. Maybe not now, but someday. You have the right to be angry, hurt, and sad. Just please don't let it eat you up inside so much that you give up on your hope.

Take this time to be angry for a while. Maybe write in a journal, even yell at God. I often did. It helped at the time. You are going through a death and a missed dream, but it is not gone forever. For now, focus on what you can control.

Love yourself most of all. Lastly, maybe even try being just a little happy for those around you who have had children (I know that sounds totally hard and unwarranted but believe me it helps). When you let go of the anger toward others, you ultimately heal yourself.

My heart is with you.