I've been married since feb you see, and I;m ready to call it quits. What I want is some advice on how to get out of a very abusive relationship. Ever since I said I do, my husband started hitting me. Even while I was pregnant. Last night he did it again while holding my infant in his arms. Its getting worse. I'm 23 to mention. I've toled his parents and they dont say anything to him. Noone tells him its wrong. His father is a prestigious bounty hunter/bonds man here and he said he doesnt care what his son does but if i call the police he'll ruin me and my families life. My husband also gives me death threats and tells me if I leave he'll kill us all. Please someone give me advice on how I can get out of this relationship!
2006-12-26 07:03:51 · 12 answers · asked by deftoneschik42o 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
just from experience, you need to get out a.s.a.p. I've been through the same thing and it never gets better only worse. If you stay he knows he can continue this and you will still be there. I know you are scared of what might happen to your family and you, but you need to get out now! Get a restraining order on him and tell the police that you are in fear of your life. Good luck!
2006-12-26 07:24:47 · answer #1 · answered by Jt 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Call a spouse abuse hotline NOW! Go to a shelter for battered women, and they will help you protect yourself and your children. You are being abused not only by your husband, but also by his father who is making threats not to call the police. Abusers learn their craft from other abusers. I'd report that one too. He has no right to use his position to intimidate you. In any case, get out right now, no matter what anyone tells you.
PS. Often, women are abused even more when they are pregnant. I was.
PS. Again: After reading the other answers, I'd say American Beauty right up above my answer gave the best advice so far. Yes, it's important not to tell him you're leaving. I should have said that.
2006-12-26 15:32:53 · answer #2 · answered by cruztacean1964 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need get away from this man. Tell your family about his threats. Tell everyone you know about it. Call the police, even though they don't respond to threats, at least somebody will know. Then, press charges against him for the beatings. Don't let fear keep you in an abusive relationship. If you have to leave with only the clothes on your back, get out!
Don't tell him you're leaving. Wait for him to go to work and leave. Warn your family members about this guy's father, as well. If you have nowhere to go, tell the police you want to be placed in a shelter. DO NOT GO BACK, ONCE YOU'VE LEFT THIS MAN.
2006-12-26 15:32:44 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He has a problem, a big problem. While in school we are given problems to solve and in life there are problems to solve. There are math, science, etc problems. Your married life has given you a relationship problem. WORK on the problem. Sometimes with study problems a parent can help or other students. They can't solve all your problems. They may make suggestions on a route to the solving of a problem. In math there are formulas to problems. You and your parents and councilors and friends can come up with suggestions and you work on formulas to solve this problems. There are books to read. If you have to write things down on the different formulas you try; keep the paper work at your parent place. If you two go there to visit and or stay the night then don't keep the formulas in site there so that he will find it.
You are not playing at a game called marriage, it is a life time commitment to be worked on.
If you are treating it like a game, like he hits you and dares you to hit him back or you don't clean house or fix a meal and mentally dare him to make you then this is just a game to you. Don't be a coward that backs into a corner. He may not want a wife that is weak. Don't be a bossy come back person. Face him and say I am sorry dear I didn't intend to upset you. What did I do wrong darling so that I may work on this problem (don't forget you are working on a problem or more than one)? You did not cower but faced this problem head on. You didn't act spineless when you faced him.
I don't know what you fight over. If there are foods he likes that you can cook do so and if there are things that his mother cooks that he likes then learn to cook them. Look nice for him. The clue is for him. If you over do it then he will say, " WHO are you fixing yourself up for."
If he were an extremeist he wouldn't let you near the computer or out of the house or have excess to a phone or your parents.
Maybe after a hard days work he would like not to come home to a crying baby. Maybe your parents can look after the child some times. Not all the time because the baby is a part of your family.
Don't pit yourself AGAINST him work WITH him. It takes two to tangle and the two of you to make this marriage work. In a dance the man leads and in this marrige(which is a life time commitment) it seems that you are going to have to lead.
Get involved in church but don't CRAM it down his throat. Pray about it.. This is a problem to be solved so WORK, WORK, and WORK on it and by all means don't forget to check your work.
NOW GET TO SOLVING THE PROBLEM OR PROBLEMS.
2006-12-26 16:47:18 · answer #4 · answered by Pepsi 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The first thing is LEAVE!!!! Do not go back and do NOT tell him where you are. Then, I would look into getting either an annullment, or talking to a divorce lawyer. You should also pursue a restraining order. Anytime he hits you, report it!!! That way it is going to be on record. If his dad starts doing things to your family, report it. Eventually it will catch up to him and they will pull his licenses, and he will be out of a job. Good luck!!!! I hate abusive people.....they are the lowest form of scum on this earth!!
2006-12-26 15:29:22 · answer #5 · answered by bryan c 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
YOU have to get out! Think about your infant. He's going to hurt her next. Do I have to tell you what happens to infants when an adult shakes them or treats them roughly in anyway. Don't fool yourself in to thinking he won't hurt your baby. He has anger issues. YOU need to call a women's shelter, call your family, call a friend, and yes call the cops!! Your safety is of GRAVE concern! Do it now. Don't worry about how badly you'll look in his family's eyes. I'm sure he grew up in an abusive relationship, so he thinks nothing of this. GET OUT! Keep your baby and yourself safe. You can't let your baby grow up in this environment. She/he deserves better and if she could talk she would beg you to leave.
2006-12-26 15:28:35 · answer #6 · answered by Hear2Help 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have been through this before....... the first chance you get take your baby and go to a turning point shelter for battered women. They will find you, your won apartment and give you the support and guidance to keep him from hurting you - sometimes they get your name changed. You have to leave or he Will end up killing you. I know because I have been through it. You don't deserve it and you have to take control of your life and get away.
I pray you get out safe and never, ever look back.
2006-12-26 15:41:15 · answer #7 · answered by harleychickfatboy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
LEAVE IMMEDIATELY with your child.
Find a women's shelter to provide a place to stay and get the resources available to protect yourself and your child. You might even have to leave the area. YOU have to take control, because he has obviously lost it.
These things don't get better without counseling. Don't go back until he agrees to let you talk to his counselor and get an update on his progress.
If he refuses to get counseling, don't go back at all!
2006-12-26 16:42:31 · answer #8 · answered by txrealestateagent 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
thats the most horrible thing i've ever heard. I'm really sorry. You better get out quick before he kills you and your kid, which he probably will. Run baby. Email if you'd like, I can help.
2006-12-26 15:29:55 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Pack up and get out of there and put his *** in jail .NO MAN should ever hit a woman no matter how bad it is
He is a dum *** prick and need to get his
2006-12-26 17:41:56 · answer #10 · answered by shane w 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋