My boyfriend and I have been thinking seriously about following the Eastern religion of Ecism (its a mixutre of Buddist and Taoist teachings). It advocates periods of abstension from sex, meat, TV etc.
We have begun practising these things for a week in preparation for a retreat in the new year and already I have caught my him masturbating! He had an old pic of me in his hands and came all over it.
When I confronted him and demanded an answer he said that he was very sorry and that it would not happen again.
How can I police this and make sure that it does not?
2006-12-26 07:00:51 · 29 answers · asked by Kitty 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
he was masturbating with a picture of you in his hand(i presume he was looking at it while w*7%ing) & you are complaining?????!!!!!!!!
one question, are you mad? (insane)
just be thankful, he was "seeing" to himself,most men,(yes i am a man & i know what i'm saying)would find someone else to relieve them,& not necessarily by persons you would take too kindly to him visiting.
2006-12-26 07:11:06 · answer #1 · answered by garry.mullen 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing wrong in a person masturbating, society has placed taboos on the act. Maybe if it was excessive it would mean there was some frustration.
If you see your partner doing this, it would be kinder to ignore it rather than embarrass him, by confronting the issue...
You can't watch him all the time and indeed, it wouldn't be right.
Abstinence from sex would be asking him to have certain disciplines and that will take a while. Give him a chance to work it out in his own time without condemning him, we're only human!
If he is really serious about the religion,he will eventually find the strength to take on all it asks of him.
If he feels the religion is asking too much, let the guy back out without making him feel guilty.
Good luck with it anyway, and a ....
" Happy New Year to you both"
Regards, Cassandra
2006-12-26 15:45:23 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stop being such a bully! Presumably he is a grown up and knows his own mind. By all means abstain yourself if you wish, but do not impose on your poor man the supposed benefits of this religion. Do you realise how lucky you are that it was a photo of you? Using a word like policing in regards to a relationship is just wrong!! Happy New Year.xx
2006-12-26 16:16:15 · answer #3 · answered by maria bartoninfrance 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The answer is that you absolutely cannot. You can only be responsible for yourself. Be flattered that your bf was holding a pic of yourself - most men would be looking at porn! Don't make him feel guilty - guilt complexes produce anxiety and anxiety inhibits sex. Sex is beautiful and natural and your wanting to shun it means that you have deep-seated emotional issues for needing to control two people's natural urges. I would recommend that you went for analytical hypnotherapy to find out what has caused you to be so compulsive and controlling. Being a vegetarian is fantastic, abstaining from TV admirable and not wanting to have sex is sometimes a normal thing - taking away all your pleasure all at once and that of your loved one is a form of punishment though - what good can come of that? Good luck and be happy. x
2006-12-26 17:14:03 · answer #4 · answered by stephaniespectacular 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps he's just all too human - like the rest of us - an unable or unwilling to live up to the demands of some religion.
Masturbation is as natural a practice as breathing or drinking water.
Leave the poor man alone.
Is it absolutely necessary to the future of your relationship that you adhere to the teachings of this particular religion????
2006-12-26 16:14:01 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I respect what you are trying to do to improve your spiritual self. But it sounds to me as if you are imposing this on him. I understand that out of love you want to share this with your boyfriend, but how will he truly benefit from it if he is FORCED to do it? Just as you made the choice to practice this, he should have the choice to NOT practice it, and you should not make him feel guilty about not falling all over himself to bow to your every whim. The fact that he was trying to be discreet about it, and the fact that it was YOUR picture and not someone else's in a porn mag, just screams that he has a ton of respect for you. You should be grateful for that-not reprimand him or police his actions. You should return that respect by not demanding such a ridiculous thing of him if he is not in agreement. If you keep that up you may find yourself without this problem to deal with-because you won't have a boyfriend to kick around like this.
Masturbation is healthy and normal-if you continue to place such shame on it and make him hide from you it will only damage your relationship with him, and create a pattern of behavior that you may not be able to correct later.
2006-12-26 15:30:08 · answer #6 · answered by dragonlady 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Celibacy only works when you want it to not when its imposed on you. There is a reason why the Roman Catholic Church has so many crazy priest - mandatory celibacy. It just doesn't work. If you hate sex dump your bf and become a Ecic nun - that way both of you win.
2006-12-26 15:20:39 · answer #7 · answered by Michael K 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
'make sure it does not'? If I were you I would make sure that this Ecism is what he wants? If so, then you want to help him, to stick to it right?
It seems he's finding it hard to stick to the rules - he slipped, just like a woman on a diet right? We all make mistakes and give into temptation, if I were you, then I would be glad he had given in by masterbating - AND TO YOU NOT PORNOGRAPHY!! - rather than given in by having a sordid affair.
If this is something you both seriously want to go for, then you need to think of ways to make it easier, meditation? lots of intimacy of other kinds? (hugging and etc) hypnosis? I'm not really sure about that bit (I'd find it really hard!) but your first step is to make sure that you both want this and then you can help each other to stick to it, and work on different ways to make it easier,
good luck x
2006-12-26 15:10:06 · answer #8 · answered by tasha 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sperm is a living thing,and has to come out some times,even in urine when males wee sometimes too,so as it can be replaced with new/fresh eggs(sperm),just like all women they to have to have a period,that sheds the egg and lining so as to be replaced with a new egg, we have millions of eggs...so theres no hope of stopping your man...think about it whats the purpose of sperm!!!! to come out and wiggle somewere hoping to make babys..... : - ) Riky
2006-12-26 15:29:20 · answer #9 · answered by rikyandnina 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
in general guys have a stronger sex drive than gals, therefore it would be a bit unfair for you to expect your boyfriend to be as self controlled as you might be at this point in time. besides its only been one week, he may need much more time to learn this type of self control.
they say guys think about sex every hour!
2006-12-26 15:44:15 · answer #10 · answered by asher_richards 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmmm. 10 out of 10 for imagination, love.
2006-12-26 15:05:20 · answer #11 · answered by Hello Dave 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋