I feel people have ""NO RIGHT" to criticize you when you had to put a "loved one".or a child?

Question

in a caring home because they became too difficult to deal with at home..Plus the children were starting to "act" like the mentally deficient one......what would you say to those that criticized you?...i would say "You did not walk in my shoes"..do you think that would shut them up? what could you say.???..they were not in your position...

Answer 1

Criticism deserves no answer. People do not know what choices they will make until they are in that situation. Putting a loved one in a home that is able to handle their special needs is a loving choice, and a difficult one.

One thing though: VISIT THEM OFTEN! Do not be so cruel as to leave them alone with strangers, and not have family to love them. Make their room at the home cheery and bright, decorating as much as is allowed with things of theirs... things that make them happy. Be involved in their life in the home. Let them know they are loved.

Best Wishes,

Sue

Answer 2

Many of the responses to this question have demonstrated the ignorance that people show by passing judgment on others. It is easy to pass out criticism and suggestions when you are not the one dealing with a problem. These people are hypocrites who, facing the same situation, would do no better or would crumble under the pressure.

If your decision has helped the "loved one" or child, then you have made a good decision. If others criticize you, they show a lack of compassion. In the same position are they so shallow that they would sacrifice him/her rather than weather the boorish opinions of others?

No matter what you say they they will not listen. You can tell them that they have not walked in your shoes. You can tell them that you acted in the best interest of all concerned. It may not shut them up, but those who really care would not have criticized to begin with. Ignore them, even distance them, and know in your heart that you have done the right thing.

Answer 3

You're right, no one has any right to criticize anyone. I haven't had to put anyone in a home yet, but I've had my hands full with a different situation and I always say " Walk for a week in my shoes" that usually shuts people up. I don't even let people's ignorant comments bother me anymore. I know inside that I do the best I can, and if you did the best you could, then don't let it bother you. It amazes me how uncaring people can be....and what if someday they were in your shoes? I would never say something like that because you never know when you might need someone's support. People are really stupid sometimes.

Answer 4

When it becomes a danger for others in the family, it is no longer a choice, but a necessity. If the children were starting to act like the disabled one, that is a danger sign. If the disabled one was having behaviors that were dangerous to the children or to him/herself, that is a danger sign. The main objective here is to have everyone in the best possible environment, and if you can't provide that in your home then it must be provided somewhere else, and there is no guilt involved in providing safety for your family. People who would criticize you for that, well, would they go to bed with their doors unlocked or give their children matches? I think not, and it is the same thing. Disregard their comments, they are obviously unfounded as you are looking out for the best interests of your family and they are looking out for appearances.

Answer 5

Being my child is disabled and well, a handful I have no clue as to how hard of a decision this was for you! I can only guess...
Everyone has different opinions about this. I choose to take care of my son. This is not the choice everyone can make. He also does not need a wheelchair or other devises.
It is easy for one to say "how in the world can you do this to your child or loved one", as this has happened to you it sounds like. As you said these people do not walk in your footsteps!! They have NO clue as to what is needed.
People will I have found out put you down if you choose to have this loved one at home, but as I have not found out but through people like you will be put you down if you send this loved one off. What is a person to do??
Make your own choices and when people who have no clue as to what life is like for you put you down or criticize you tell them to go jump off a bridge. Or better yet do not say anything and LEARN not to let it bother you. This is self survival.
Do these people realize who are putting you down maybe if they would of even offered to help you, you may have not made this choice. Where were these people on those sleepless nights, and or when this loved one went out of control, or when this loved one had to be rushed to the hospital? When you needed a break, not a long one just a SMALL break? Where were these people??
When I was working I never new if my child was going to be in the hospital when I got home from work, which at times he was! At that time I could of been on welfare being put down for this, or doing what I could to care for not only this son but two others. I was single at the time with no help from there father. The father who doesn't want anything to do with this child because he is not "perfect".
This subject as you can tell from what I have wrote does hit home. But who am I to criticize your decision? I am no way perfect! I just do what I can for my child and I am now at home so when he has a "episode" (or goes into a seizure which is one of his medical problems) or needs a doctor I can get him to one. I am also in constant contact with the school. The mental health people I am also in constant contact with.....I am lucky and found a FANTASTIC man who does not look at this as a problem but sees my child as a very loving kid.
We both know this child may live with us his hole life, we are also ready for this. Hoping of course he can life on his own sometime...
People do not realize a disabled loved one can ruin a family! Tares a family a part! My oldest son has left our home and says he does not want to return (he is 16) because he can not handle it. This doesn't make me feel good, and will always love this kid but he has to realize this is the way it is. I can not choose between my children and will not.
I have talked to others and know a family who sent off there child. They just could not care for there child properly they feel. This is reality.
In closing I wish you all the well being in the world! Some day maybe your loved one will be able to come home, maybe not. I say just make sure your loved one is as happy as they can be. What is the difference in sending a kid of to a boarding school (or a military school) or a care facility? Sorry I got rambling....

Answer 6

I know that you can't possibly express what you've been going through in the words "too difficult." No one should judge you. The guy who says to say "I did what I had to do" is right. I bet he's been there.

Answer 7

Thats really tough. Thank God he never put me in that position. I don't think I could be strong enough for it. I truly think its a test of strength mentally and I could not do it. Bless you all who can and have done so and or tried.

Answer 8

It's not abandonment to say you are overwhelmed and need expert help. It's easy for other's to say pray to God, but truthfully, isn't that like ordering God around? He just doesn't interfer on a personal level like that.
You do what you have to do.

Answer 9

Most children's mental health issues can be traced back to .... the parents and the enviornment the parents provide. Not all kids; but most.

Answer 10

I agree with you completely.
No one should judge others until they have walked a mile in their shoes.
Perhaps that's why the Bible teaches us;
Judge not lest ye be judged.