third marriage????scared to end in divorce again???

Question

History is as follows:We met when i was 22 and just got a job ,he was indierectly my boss ,and was 13 yrs older than me.I had a child from a previous relationship who was 5 yrs old but some how we got married a year later , were married for 7.5 yrs, and had twins together.The reason for the divorce was the age difference and the fact that i felt i was too young to be married.I dated around after that and eventually ran into my eldest daughter biological father married him it lasted 3 yrs, and had my youngest child.After that failed marriage i started dating men in their mid to late 20's which was fun for a while but i got over it.The only man other than my father too see me through all of this and still be my best friend was my first hubby.We have started dating again and he proposed christmas day and i said yes.How can i overcome my fear of getting married?

I am 36 yrs old and feel ready to settle down plus i have four children and feel much more grounded.I cant seem to shake my panic though?

I do love him i never stopped strangley

Answer 1

If you set it up to fail it will, if you are scared about it seek some counseling, if you have any doubts then something could be telling you not to do it.

Answer 2

I really don't think that how many times you have been married is going to determine whether or not you will divorce again. People make mistakes, bad things happen.
The thing you need to consider more than anything here is the reason you are getting married again. You did not mention that you loved him. You don't mention whether or not you still thought of him, all these years, as the person you wanted to be with. Only that he has been supportive of you, and you don't get alot of that. That is a really good thing to have with another person, but it isn't all that it takes to be happy with your spouse, and it isn't the kind of love that keeps husbands and wives together. That is the love of a best friend, which is also the words you used to describe him.
Maybe I'm missing something here. Maybe it will all work out to be the best decision you ever made.
But maybe your fear is totally founded. I would atleast make it a long engagement, if for no other reason than to calm your own nerves about another failed marriage.
I don't think that age is a factor in whether or not people are compatible. My husband is 13 years older than me. The issue here is whether or not you have the right kind of feelings for THIS man, regardless of your past together or your age. Don't just marry your best friend. You can have that relationship outside of marriage. You need to be sure that you share spousal love, man and woman love, sexual attraction, etc.....along with the ability to be friends with him......or you will find yourself bored with him again down the road.

Answer 3

I am 36 years old divorced once, married my best friend the second time and he passed away. My first marriage was a total disaster and I definetly was scared to remarry and it took along time for my 2nd husband to convince me to take a chance and I was glad I did we were friends for 15 years and married for 5 and I would not trade it for anything in the world. It has been over a year and a half since he has been gone and I am just now considering starting over. My marrige record is not all that great either. If you both love, trust, and respect each other and are willing to work harder than ever you are ready. If you cant imagine going through the rest of your life without him there you are ready!!! Best of Luck!

Answer 4

I'm just curious - where were your four kids when you were 'having fun' dating all these young men? You need to GROW UP and realize that your children need you to put their needs in front of your own. If you can commit to marriage and show your kids a stable, loving, relationship, then go for it. If you are in it just to have a man in your life, or are feeling like you might miss something better if it comes along then do everyone a favor and don't get married. Be a mama first and worry about running around when they're all on their own.

Answer 5

It seems as we get older that age doesn't matter as much anymore. If you are not 100 % sure you want to get married have a longer engagement until you are sure. If the time spent a part from him still leads you back to him then maybe you are meant for each other. There are no guarantees that this or any ones marriage last forever. Just enjoy the time you have together.

Answer 6

Now that your older you should no better. At age 22 that is young to be married.So you feel in love again with your daughters father, hey go for it. Next yr I will be married for the 3rd time. Things happen for a reason. And about getting married for the 3rd time I can understand that fear. Because it's not only your life but it's your children's life too. And that fear is if this marriage fails you failed your children again. Well do what I told my self. I said if this marriage fails I will promise myself that I will not get involved with a man or get married again until my children are grown and moved out of the house. It's not fair to them. If your 3rd marriage don't work you need to stop thinking about your feelings and + your going to have to put all your intention into your kids I told my self this will be the last one. You have to put standards down in keep to them or were teaching are kids wrong. The only men my kids ever saw there mother with was there fathers until now. My first 2 children are from my first and my 3rd child is from my second marriage up until now there the only 2 men I ever lived with. And now they no about my boyfriend now, and that were going to be married. I dating a lot of men but my children didn't see that. I never brought them home or to come to the house to pick me up. When you have children you need to think about them too. And that's way I know if this marriage don't work. I know me I won't marry again until my kids are grown. You need to read ten stupid things women do to mess up their lives and ten stupid things parents do to mess up their kids and ten stupid couples do to mess up their relationships and when your married again read the proper care and feeding of husbands all written by Dr. Laura C. Schlessinger

Answer 7

I have been married and divorced 2 times myself so I know what you mean about being scared to do it again. I would really have to go slow and not jump in and talk to him and explain that you want to go slow and make sure it will work this time before you jump in with both feet. I think that sometimes we think so much with our heart instead of our head it gets us in trouble. Make a list of pro's and con's - has he changed , have you changed what is different now that is better or worse. REALLY think it over and you can be engaged for awhile before getting married to make sure and I suggest at least a year or more before getting married. Good luck.

Answer 8

Either you are crazy or he is you had better get yourself a good councilor before you marry this man. If my math is right you have 4 kids with different fathers and have been running around all over the place. Lady you need to fix some stuff about your esteem before you commit to anything.

Answer 9

I'm no expert but I would have to think that once you do something for the first time, you tend to do it again. I know that seems very basic but think about it: You put all this energy and emotion into a relationship/marriage. Then you completely stress yourself out to end it in divorce. The process can be absolutely awful but if you get through it an gain a new perspective on life it almost becomes an "out" the next time around. On a smaller level, think about when you were a kid. If you faced your fear or something that caused anxiety, you got over it and would do it again because it doesn't seem like as big a deal. I think the same thing applies but obviously on a much different level. Sometimes the things that adults do are for the same reasons that children do things. I am not saying that divorcees are childish whatsoever, I am just saying that human nature apllies itself in similar ways.

Answer 10

wow..talk about coming full circle. you silly girl. you won't overcome it until you are fully happy. no one is really afraid of getting married. it's not being happy that scares us. don't stand in the way of your own happiness. my mother was like that. it was easier for her to be miserable. but she made everyone around her miserable in the process. what matters is what is most important to you and what you require to be made happy. what inspires you about the hubby to be a better person? think about it. if you can't find anything, then you still haven't found what you are really looking for.