I am maried over 15 years, i love my wife but not in love anymore, is that wrong?? i am in love with another woman and i know she is too, but some thing inside me doesn't let me go on and she is waiting for me but i can't move one, what is it ? Is that means i still in love with my wife or i am scared to hurt her? don't know what to do?
2006-12-26 06:24:24 · 31 answers · asked by Da one 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Man you are so wrong. How can you live with yourself doing this to your wife behind her back. Shame on you!The least you can do is tell your wife and divorce her so she could find some one who WILL love her.
2006-12-26 06:27:45 · answer #1 · answered by Diana 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is a tough one and I sure wouldn't want to be in your position. I think you don't want to hurt your wife because you do still love her. But why do you feel like you are not in love anymore? 15 years is a long time are you bored with the every day stuff and intrigued by something new if this is the case you could probably still be in love with your wife if you try. Love doesn't just stay on its own you have to work on it all the time. If you feel stronger towards the other women and can see her in your future and not your wife than your marriage could be over. Here are a few questions you should ask yourself before deciding what to do. Have you tried talking with a marriage counselor on your own to find your feelings or are you just going on your gut? And how does your wife feel maybe she is having some feelings of her own that need to be taken into consideration before you make a major life change. What will happen to you if the new relationship fails? 15 years is alot to throw away if the new feelings turn out to be lust or temporary. Good luck with this and remember that lots of people fall in love with more than one person making a choice is part of being a human and the choice you make is yours.
2006-12-26 06:42:23 · answer #2 · answered by Trisha 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're probably comfortable with your wife which is why it's hard to leave. But to answer your questions, yes, it's wrong for a married man to be in love with another woman. Have you tried to make your marriage work? Don't see this other women, go to counseling with your wife, take romantic trips with your wife, do what ever possible to put the zing back into your marriage before you give up. If you read some of the other posts on this site you'll see a lot of people who ended a relationship only to regret it later.
2006-12-26 06:29:12 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is it really love for the other woman or is it lust for what is missing in your marriage? Being married for 15 years is now a long time and as time goes by and children enter our lives we tend to grow apart and forget how much we mean to each other. If you are no longer in love with your wife but you still love her there is love left. Loving someone for that long leaves a lasting mark on your heart, sometimes that heart starts feeling like it does not mean enough to the other person and you start feeling neglected so you shut yourself down to that person I know I have been there and in some ways I am still there. I love my husband but there are days when I feel so caged that I want to burst. I have thought about my high school sweetheart and soul mate and how alike we are, we both love the same things but my husband now does not like anything that I do. Then I remember all of the different things that I have learned from him and all of the new experiences that I have had with him and I know that for right now this is where I belong. I know that you don't want to hurt your wife and in that sentence I know that you still love her I have had the same question, try to reach her and see if she reaches back only that will really allow you to see what is left of your relationship and after that your heart will decide what it wants and needs. Good luck!
2006-12-26 06:37:09 · answer #4 · answered by osu2720@sbcglobal.net 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you've been married that long you must know by now that marriage goes through peaks and troughs. That is to say, some years are better, some worse. You can't expect to go through decades feeling that "so in love" feeling. Now, having said that, it is possible to fall back in love with your wife :) You will have to get this other woman out of your head. Recognize it for what it is...an infatuation. The fact that you are confused tells me that you are not ready to leave your wife and family after all. You should not make that step, which will come with possibly irreversible consequences, until you are absolutely sure that you cannot make your marriage work any longer.
2006-12-26 06:43:02 · answer #5 · answered by JaneDivided 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In reading all these answers,it occurred to me that almost across the board, women said, without any hesitation ,that it was wrong,wrong,wrong! You can't blame them for feeling like that..if it happens to one woman..it could happen to HER...(or so the thinking seems to go)
the thing is...you say you love your wife but are not IN love with her.
Then what sort of love are you talking about? If there's still some feeling left on your part for her, and if she also has feelings for you..isn't this a basis for trying again? Presumably you've both invested a lot of time and emotion in each other...it would be rather a waste if you just threw it all away because (let's be honest here) the sex might be better with the other woman.
If that's the case...what you have with the other woman can't be called love..you're in lust,maybe..not in love.
But if that's not it...if there are some deep issues here..such as not having much in common with your wife, real problems (she's a die-hard spendthrift and you've been unable to convince here that you don't WANT to live in the poorhouse,etc.) then this needs to be addressed..if you can't work it out..get the help of a trusted relative, (her father?) a religious person you feel would really help...counseling, if you think THAT would help...
But I think that what you need to do is take a break from the other woman (and I don't mean that as a pejorative term...just that she's the OTHER one in your life)
Taking a break would help you sort things out...if you are able to do it..leave BOTH of them..take a week off (or better two weeks off) and go someplace where the scenery is new and hopefully it will help you shed some new light on the situation which is hurting all three of you.
Try to be totally honest with yourself...about your wife and about your girlfriend/lover/?
Imagine yourself living with this woman..the little things you find so 'cute' might be irritating as all get out if you were with her full time..how would she fit in with your friends and relatives? Does she have any baggage that she would bring into this relationship? Could you accept whatever that is?
If this is all about sex...would that last?
And your wife...can you picture life without her? Are you able to accept that she might go on and find someone else as well as you did?
Are there children involved on either side? This is HUGE...
you've apparently made a comfortable life with your wife..there are alwayslarge adjustments to be made with another woman in your life.
And lastly...I noticed that you mentioned TWICE in your question that you loved your wife...only ONCE that you loved the other woman...
could mean nothing, true..but...
The thing you have to do is minimize the damage and hurt you will cause one or the other of these women...and the first step is to be honest...
with both of them.
And just as important if not moreso...be absolutely honest with yourself..
Have you just been trying to add a little excitement to your life on the side?
Bottom line..if you can't bear the t hought of your wife not being around to provide all the comforts and intimacy that she has been providing for you all these years...you're not ready to leave her..If you can't picture her with another man..which COULD happen...you're not ready to leave her.
If you draw a blank when you try to look into the future with the new woman...this isn't a good sign...it doesn't point to happiness ahead.
If all you think of when you think of the future with your girlfriend/lover/? is sex...ALSO not a good sign.
Sit yourself down and try being honest with yourself first..with them secondly (after you've realized what's going on inside your own head) and then ACT! You can't continue in this way..and you already know that..
2006-12-26 07:51:11 · answer #6 · answered by blinderhof 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sir, I think that you should re-think your life right now. Weigh the values of your current marriage. Not ONLY the fact that you've been married for 15 years- but how your relationship has been over the last 15 years. I believe that if you want to save your marriage you can. I believe if you want to be in love with that wife of yours, you can- but that would mean cutting ties with the other woman. I am personally not ok with what you are doing, because I do not believe in cheating, and if you are in love with another woman, that means there has been something between you and this other woman for quite some time. I personally also believe in the sanctity of marriage and believe that as long as both members of the union want it to be worked out, it should be worked out. If one is consistant on NOT wanting it to work, it never will work. My humble opinion is to work things out with your wife and get rid of the lady on the side. Keep your concentration on your wife, because marriage should be for life!
-EA
(PS. CRUZ i can't believe you started out your answer the same way i did!! "sir") LOL
2006-12-26 06:29:40 · answer #7 · answered by Earthy Angel 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I want to warn you now. I am coming out of a similar experience. Leaving my wife for someone I felt I was in love with and who I believed loved me. The excitement, the passion, the thrill. It's danger, and you will pay the price if you don't cut things off now. It's hard, I wasn't strong enough to do it, and now my life, once normal and good, is a nightmare. Please research this topic .. married men falling in love with another woman and leaving their wives. It ends bad every time, and the stories are all the same. You may feel like you are living the "love story of a lifetime." That this other woman is the ONE. This love is fiction. It is built on lies, and it won't last. In the end, you will lose the one woman who really does love you with all her heart. She will suffer incredible pain, you will suffer unbearable guilt. I hope you don't have kids. Go ahead and leave her. You will be very, very sorry. By the way, when you do become "available" .. the other woman "waiting for you" may not want you anymore. It happens.
2006-12-28 13:48:57 · answer #8 · answered by Blaine C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You still love your wife, just can't see it. What's remarkable is that you love her for different reasons than when you met her - as such you cannot see that love. Leave your wife - you will "see" after some time. The new girl you love too - for different reasons. But with your wife you've grown and you have memories... If you have kids you have to strive to see this.. The new girl is to your liking partially b/c she is new... Like a new car. But get under the hood (not the sex one, the emotional one) and you may have second thoughts. If the new girl knows you are in relationship, then she lacks values or she is emotionally weak and needs your help, your "love", to stand. And, if she is so weak that she needs the arms of a married man to survive - chances are she can find comfort in many, many, many arms. Real test of love? If she's emotionally strong, stands up for her values OFTEN, yet loves you to the exclusion of everyone else. Your wife, on the other hand, probably loves you now because of who you are - not because you serve as her crutches.. Good luck.
2006-12-26 06:33:47 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
U know what...as a woman i would call u a heartless dog, BUT you cant help who you love! Despite the fact that you are in a marriage...i will say yes you are wrong to a certain extent.
you are wrong for getting involved with someone else and letting this happen. The right thing to do is stop the affair and make sure the marriage is not where you want to be. If so then get a divorce. U have already committed the sin; which releases your wife from u rightfully. U know its the suspence and adrenaline that makes the other relationship tick. However, its not fair for you to do that to your wife. Put yourself in her shoes; u would be talking about who you gonna kill...bla bla bla. but its okay for u to do it. This is what you do: STOP MESSING AROUND WITH THAT SKANK! IF YOU DONT WANT TO BE IN THE MARRIAGE GET OUT. Then be with the other woman. Dont be surprised if you do get a divorce...you won't want her either! Good Luck!
2006-12-26 06:38:20 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
are you in love with her because it is different, or because your wife and you have lost contact with each other and she is there to fill the loneliness from life, children, bills, and you are feeling left out, maybe you are wanting your wife back the way she was when you married her, or you are just being selfish, and don't care if you hurt anyone if you and the other woman are happy it shouldn't matter who gets hurt, you are not happy unless you know what is around the corner and if this woman is cheating with you you will be the one to get hurt in the long run, and maybe lose the one who really loves you ,not just a quick rebound. I hope that you can relight the flame and love in your heart for your wife, the bible says if you have a wife don't seek a wife. Maybe you are looking for love in the wrong place when it is really staring you in the eye.
2006-12-26 06:33:43 · answer #11 · answered by broken 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋