why can't I find a 'boyfriend'?

Question

I'm divorced, attractive, professional, solvent, & all I want is a man in my life. The men I meet & either want one night stands or want to marry/live with me & there seems to be no happy medium. Its all or nothing, why is it that cohabiting is ultimitely expected?

I don't even want to date more than one man at a time, just hate the assumption that it has to somewhere

lead somewhere even, ha ha

the point I'm making is I want a boyfriend not a life partner

cathal m, its not that I can't find a man, its just the right relationship that alludes me!

I've tried the dating service thing, & thats where I find most guys who want the marriage thing....

tasha, thanks for your answer, but I need a man for sex!!

chuckler...you sound lovely

Nini....how do I get his email??? I'm hopeless with computers

Answer 1

People are so quick to jump into a relationship. I asked a question about dating the other day, about why people assume that one date means a relationship? I don't understand why some people can't just date either. I am now married but before, when I was singe and not in a relationship, I didn't feel like I was bound to any one man that I was dating. That was the reason I was dating, to meet different people.Though once I met the man that became my husband, I just kind of naturally stopped dating other men. :)

Just make it clear at the beginning that you are going to be non-committal. Dating other men. They need no more information then that. And if the man can't handle that then move on. Don't stress these men so much. Maybe also you are just a very attractive person and men fall in love with you easily.

Good luck.

Answer 2

The sort I've met either want one night stands or a long term friendship which includes the physical aspects of a relationship, without any emotional connection. So, I've simply concluded that these days men (and women) are not bothered to take the time to grow a relationship.
This medium is great for making contact with folk but it seems to me that rather than get to know anyone it is so much easier to move on to the next potentially 'good thing'. I suppose the view is with millions of people out there that necessarily means the grass is always greener and some people are afraid that if they stick with a friendship and see where it goes they might, potentially miss out on someone 'better'.
Typing words over the net are, I find, often misintrupted, as the reader construes a meaning not intended, take offence and delete the contact rather than finding out what was really meant.
For example, I'd been talking with someone from another country for a couple of years, went to visit him and we got on great but one conversation I said something.......his reply was that I must think him to be a bad person and he deleted and blocked me. Spent a long time trying to contact him as he had totally misread me. Finally I managed to make contact, and that gave me closure because I'd finally found out he was okay. That was several years ago now, but think this must still be happening to lots and lots of people. He'd always warned me he'd destroy the relationship, so I should have expected it really.

Answer 3

Alot of guys find themselves in these two categories. It can be hard for them just to take it slow, with no strings. But there are always guys out there who are looking for women like you, in fact I'm quite surprised that you can't get a man. Keep trying, and always put yourself out there. Most guys like women who make the first move! If that doesn't work you could try a dating service. Good Luck, I'm sure you will find someone soon!

Answer 4

You are now an official member of the Women Without Boyfriends Club. After b!*#*#! and moaning about it for quite some time we all get used to it and start discovering a life outside the boyfriend zone. It can be quite nice without all those relationship issues and boyfriend maintenance. Enjoy who you are and just remember, you don't need a man to fullfill your life and needs. When we do get a boyfriend we can have a better relationship knowing that we don't have to depend on them to make us happy.

Answer 5

you're trying too hard? Trust me, the right person can rarely be found - they just come along, and you'll know when they do. Try having a break, i've had three serious boyfriends and all of them came along just after I sincerely decided "I don't need a man, I'm staying single" (probably because that's true confidence, which is sexy) - and because I'd made that decision before they came along I made myself wait and be friends with them first, which meant I was more ready and knew what I was getting myself into before I did;

don't rush, go with the flow and see what comes along,

why do you need to find a boyfriend?

Answer 6

Havent read all your answers, but saw you said you need a man for sex! Have you tried swinging, or dating younger men? Two of my girlfriends, no three actually!!! are dating young guys. The women are all forties and the guys are between 23 and 29! It works well for them.

Or for pure sex try www.localswingers.co.uk A single female has no prob finding guys for this lovely purpose! Basic membership is free.

Answer 7

I think men have a biological clock too. Until it rings, it's play time. When it goes off, they have to make a family and do the wife, slippers and sit down dinners thing before they get too old. Lets face it, much longer and there hair is falling out, the prostate is on the fritz and they can no longer go upstairs and make love (its one or the other), see their dilemma now? They play with it for too long :)

Answer 8

If you are looking for a boyfriend and can't find one perhaps you should stop looking. Often times when you stop looking for something that's when you "hap" upon it. I say enjoy your life. You've been married before so now it's time to appreciate your freedom. I don't blame you for not wanting to co-habitate with anyone right now and you should not settle for someone who doesn't have your same interest. Give it time and the one who's right for you will come your way and when he does remember to take it slow. Remember only fools rush in.

Answer 9

Humans are creatures of habit. Pairing up and co-habitating is society's norm. You are wise, though, to know what you want. Hold out for it. Somewhere out there is a man who wants his OWN home and a nice woman with whom to share his time.

I know that computer dating services are bogus at times - but if you post and put your desires upfront - and stick to them - it might be a good way of getting all of the one night stands and "wanna-be married" types out of the running.

Good luck.

Answer 10

I was in the same boat for a long time-then I met my boyfriend-and we want the same things. No urgency to cohabitate or (eeeeeeeeep!!) get engaged/married. We're just happy being us. It happened when I very least expected it-and I know the same will happen for you. Have patience,pamper yourself,feel good about yourself-and BOOM! There he'll be!