My wife has decided we are done and wants a divorce we still live together but there is no intimacy she treats me indifferently or ignores me, i have tried to just carry on and to change all the things that bothered her before. i have used the 180 techniques doing totally different things instead of my usual response but she is in complete lock down and will not discuss anything with me. she says she is not interested in counseling at all and will not even consider it, i have no money to spare so the tempting marriage coaches i see online for $300 for 5 sessions are way out of reach i cannot even afford the divorce busting books. we still sleep in the same bed but in separate blankets she also keeps telling me she has not felt the same about me since our first son was born now aged 3 1/2 we have another boy on the way due in a few months i do not want to loose my kids they mean everything to me not to mention i love this woman with my entire being.
2006-12-26 04:50:31 · 21 answers · asked by andi_ireland 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sorry but it sounds like it is really over and you have to deal with that fact. You will not lose your kids, you will live in separate homes and you both will support your kids on all levels. It happens everyday and happening even more. Concentrate more on the kids and less on her because she sounds like she is done with you. A marriage has to want to be saved by BOTH parties involved not just one.
2006-12-26 04:54:17 · answer #1 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wish you good luck. I am in the same situation. When there are children involved, it complicates things. At this point you have to ask yourself which is better for the children. You do not want to stay in a situation that will get worse and develop into arguments in front of the children. That is a very bad impression that can scar the children for years to come. Also, ask yourself why you feel this undying love for somebody who does not want to give you the time of day. Intimacy as I have discovered, is a huge and valuable part of a marriage. Once that is gone, the emotion leaves with it. Then all you are left with is desperation to hold things together either for the children (always a bad move), or because the fear of being on your own is too strong. If you have an extra bedroom I suggest you sleep in there for now. If not, you need to get out of that living arrangement.
2006-12-26 12:56:07 · answer #2 · answered by Jaybo 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its kind of hard to tell if she wont even tell you what the problem is and why the change of heart. She is pregnant so it could be something temporary. Is there anything you can do like treat her extra nice and pamper her while shes pregnant? If a woman really wants a divorce she will probably not still be sleeping in the bed. I say dont give up unless you are absolutely sure that there is no chance of reconciliation. I hope it all works out.
2006-12-26 12:57:41 · answer #3 · answered by mypassions4life 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Things wear out, hon, tires, teeth, cars, carpeting, and yes, marriages. When that happens, we usually take them to an expert. I think marriage is Admiration, Respect, Passion and Trust. You haven't cheated on her, so your marriage needs a "tune-up", and geez, I'm sorry she won't even discuss a counselor. Does she want a divorce soon? If you cannot convince her that there might he hope for your marriage, then if only one of you wants to save it, it is indeed over, sweetie. It takes more than one to want it to work. But you know what? There are just tons of women out there who want a loving attentive husband, and after you get over the shock of your divorce, that woman will be out there. Get some counseling yourself to get your own head back on straight. It will take a year or so. My philosophy has always been to never prolong the dying process. Hell, it if is over, it is over.... cut your losses, waste no more time being absolutely miserable and wanting what you know can't be..... and get on with your life. The best way to do that is to find someone else.... Yahoo Personals, Match.com E-harmony, itsjustlunch.com, the list is endless, and you'll meet a nut or two, just like in church sitting right next to you, but you will also meet a princess, too, in the same or similar boat as you are in......
2006-12-26 13:20:28 · answer #4 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes there is nothing you can do. If you have done everything within your means and she still insist that the marriage is over, then she has probably talked herself into a decision that you may never make her change. But always remember, life will go on and things will get better. Hopefully she will still let you have rights with the children. Continue to do what you know is right and your conscience will always be clear, regardless of what direction she takes. My prayers are with you and your family.
2006-12-26 12:58:46 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Apparently there was some kind of intimacy going on as you have another one on the way-------HANG in there-who knows , it a good POSSIBILITY be her HORMONES are doing a DRASTIC Change and no matter what you do or say right now nothing is right nor is it going to make a difference.
2006-12-26 12:57:21 · answer #6 · answered by nickle 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It could just be the homones raging during her pregnancy, but i kinda doubt it. If she claims to have had no feelings for you for the last 3 1/2 years, it sounds done. Obviously she has tried to make it last, and as much as it hurts, it seems you may both be happier in the end if you part ways.
2006-12-26 12:54:58 · answer #7 · answered by mariah 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For whatever reason she has made her mind up. When a person decides in their mind that they do not want to work on something then there's nothing you can do. She may change her mind and come around. It's a shame too. I would love to have a man who wants to be with me and would be devistated if we weren't together. If she doesn't want you, you can't force her. It will be hard to move on but you will have to for your on sanity. I hope things work out though.
2006-12-26 13:27:13 · answer #8 · answered by Hoping he will bless me with #1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can you talk to a spiritual advisor who may be a the local community church? I mean, it sounds to me like you want to save your family and keep from loosing your children, so take care of YOU. Get yourself some counseling so you can understand that sometimes it's not US that is the problem, its THEM... the other spouse who can not seem to be happy. We can not make another person happy unless they are happy with themselves.
2006-12-26 16:07:37 · answer #9 · answered by TracyBee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sorry but ive been here you can be roommates and hope thats enough but it wont be try to seperate for a while and hope that helps to open up some new feelings just set some ground rules for the seperation its not an excuse to run around and spend time with the kid(s) they need to see you both still love them. try the library for books and check with your insurance many offer mental health services
2006-12-26 12:55:17 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋