I know that I made a mistake by having unprotected sex. my boyfriend and I have been together for two years and weve talked about it. we decided to keep the baby. now I am absolutely terrified to talk to my parents and his parents. I will be 18 next month and I am so afraid that they will try to take us away from each other. can they do that? Any advice is welcome. thanks
2006-12-26 04:34:59 · 36 answers · asked by angie 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
my parents love him. his parents like me. My parents trust us, that is what im so scared of breaking. i know theyre gonna be upset and stuff but im so scared to tell my dad
2006-12-26 04:39:32 · update #1
my boyfriend and I are realyl responsible, we just made a mistake. and yes i do expect him to stay with me. He is the one that said I know it will be tough but I want to keep our baby and take care of it.
2006-12-26 04:41:00 · update #2
Please don't take this like I am lecturing you. I went through this 12 years ago and believe me when I tell you that both of you need to sit down and tell both sets of parents. Don't tell just mom or just dad or just his mom and dad or just your mom and dad because once the other parent or set of parents finds out they will be hurt that you didn't think you could come to them. You are an adult and if you want them to treat you as an adult you better act as an adult. Furthermore you are going to be a parent which is an adult with responsibilities for another life. Therefore show them that you can make adult decisions which you already have by deciding to keep the child. Go to your parents with a plan of how you are going to raise and support this child. Remember that this child is not only your child but he/she is going to be their grandchild and they are going to love he/she. All the parents are going to be disappointed with you but if they love you they will be supportive of you. Good luck...it's not easy but being a parent is really a blessing. I should know I have 4 kids now.
2006-12-26 04:59:55 · answer #1 · answered by Outdoorsman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you turn 18 years of age you are considered an adult... so no they can't take you away from your boyfriend if it is against your will. Although they are your parents and they can leagally control you know they wont be able to when you are 18.
If your parents love you they will still love you when you tell them that you are pregnant. They may be a little mad and or dissapointed in the beggining but they will eventually forgive you because they are your parents and they will NEVER stop loving you.
How old is your boyfriend???? Because if he is I think more than a few years older than you and it isn't within the legal amout.... your parents may accuse him of forcing you to have sex. since you didnt use a condom..... but if you are a legal age then you dont have to worry about that... I am sorry if I am scaring you but I have already been through this.
I am 17 years old and I have a baby...... my boyfriend and I were together for a little over two years and we had sex. We used a condom because I told him that that was the only way that we would have sex.. and in the end we would both get what we wanted which was to show how much we love each other. Well anyways my condom that I used that he gave me failed and I got pregnant. I didn't think that I did get pregnant until I got morning sickness and I missed my period. I took the test with my boyfriend by my side and we found out the news together. We both told our parents together although I told my mom before the meeting. My parents were sooooo disapointed because I am catholic and it goes against our religion. To fix the problem we got married and now we are very happy with eachother and our baby.
Yes, you will encounter some hard times but when you see that baby and when your mom sees the baby..... every hard time and feelings will melt away............
I hope that you have a wonderful pregnancy and birth... and please tell your parents.........
best of luck to you and to your boyfriend.
2006-12-26 05:00:00 · answer #2 · answered by SkiInstructor720 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nobody has the right to take your baby away from you as long as you provide proper care for it (and thats easier said than done).
Sure you made a mistake but then again everybody makes mistakes sometimes, yours just comes with a long-term committment. Its not the mistake that matters now, its how you and others respond that matters..
As soon as you are 18 then you are legally an adult and it doesn't really matter what your or his parents think, though it would be a lot easier with their help and cooperation.
Your life is certainly going to change but that doesn't mean that its over - you're just entering a new phase, one with plenty of challenges and rewards. You can do it alone but its better with help.
Be honest and brave and your family will stand by you, and even if they don't at least you have honesty and bravery to fall back on.
Fear is the only enemy.
2006-12-26 04:51:38 · answer #3 · answered by megalomaniac 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all even though you are very confused i want to say congrats and you made a great choice by deciding to keep the baby. I made a very bad decision when i got pregnant at 17 and im 18 now so it haunts me everyday. But even though its hard to do try to built up the courage to tell your family. No doubt ur mom may be very dissapointed and upset its better that she know and be able to be there for you. Its a life that you are carrying now and im sure after the shock she will be excited cuz shes gonna be a grandma. Also its really cool that your boyfriend is willing to help and is there for you. And even if for some reason he doesnt do all he says he will its ok cuz you will have ur family and if you have a close friend you should share it with them. You can yahoo message me if ya like..again congrats
2006-12-26 04:47:43 · answer #4 · answered by jus.need.2.know 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had just turned seventeen when I got pregnant. I know at the time it wasn't the smartest but I would not change anything now. Five years later I absolutely love my son and he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I totally changed my life and put him first. When I found out I was pregnant I told my dad and mom the first day I found out....it was very hard and scarry.
Honestly in your position...since your are 18 next month I would wait until then to tell your parents. Once you are 18 you are a legal adult and they cannot make you do anything.
Just make sure you guys are responsible parents for the baby. The baby deserves to have the best life in the world....he/she deserves the best parents as possible too. You will have to be willing put put everything in your life on hold so that you can give your baby 100%...he/she deserves that.
Good Luck!
2006-12-26 04:44:22 · answer #5 · answered by ~*SuMmEr*~ 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hey girl! To start honesty, you have the advantage that you are both liked by your in laws, sit down with everyone and let them know, you guys made an irresponsible decision because you're too young but IT'S DONE! now confront your parents, after you do that you will break their hearts cause they Love you and they want the best for you. You will know exactly how it feels to love your child!! and Most likely they will be there for you and your new family. Remember Love is very powerful and will lots of love you can work miracles. Your parent will be upset for a little while and you need to understand that, the same way you need them to understand you.They can't keep you guys apart!! GOOD LUCK! and Congratulations !!
2006-12-26 05:41:53 · answer #6 · answered by mamachula01 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Greetings, an bless you. Some questions have no easy answers.
When there are no answers there is always hope. Hope builds options and options in this world is kind of like money, it equals empowerment for you...so, since you have it (options, I mean) or your going to create them...I usually find that others have done well in very similar circumstances such as you find yourself now.
Most parents like to think they have "common sence" and with such most parents don't want to be know as not having any. You are under age. They could file charges on your boyfriend. Or, they could see him as a son in-law. And after all, the baby is their grandbaby! Yea! I'd like to see them change that fact (if they had a mind to do so) Your dear little baby is their blood too. Have confidence in the choosing of your boyfriend, having a baby together, and most of all in determining to keep him/her. You may be scared to talk to your parents in your circumstances but never be scared to stand for your child. Talking sooner to parents is usually better than later...unless there is more to your story. If there is, keep seeking help from others until someone does help you. You could take some one with you to talk to your parents (maybe even without your boyfriend on the first meeting).
Take someone like a trusted family friend that you trust, a teacher, school counselor, pastor.
At 18 I don't think they can take you away from each other. So, which is 1st, being 18 1st or the baby coming 1st? If its 18, bingo! you win (not that you are trying to win something over on your parents).
The very best to you and your boyfriend and your wonderful little baby.
From a Grand Paw.
2006-12-26 05:25:37 · answer #7 · answered by Paul 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are almost 18, they can try to seperate you until your 18. After that you are a legal adult and can do as you wish. Be prepared though, once you decide to be an adult you will be faced with all the adult responsibilities of rent, food, insurance, etc.
You are heading up a long haul, and you had better be prepared to go from teenager to adult in a matter of seconds. You and you boyfriend have made the conscious decision in keeping this baby that you are giving up your rights to think like teenagers and must now be adults. I am not trying to sound mean, just realisic. Nothing will be the same in your life and your focus will have to be on what is best for the baby.
2006-12-26 04:41:43 · answer #8 · answered by Susie D 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
First, you did the right thing by deciding not to kill your baby. That takes courage. Good for you.
Second it is going to be scary talking to your parents. Don't sweat it, just do it. They will freak out, (hey they have a right to freak out, you've got to give them that) but just wait through the freak out and then when they calm down deal with it calmly. They are going to love their grandbaby like crazy once he or she gets here, don't worry about that. People do this and have their babies and make it work every day. It can be done.
There are a lot more options open to you than you probably know about right now. Here are a few.
BIRTHRIGHT, ( call 800 550- 4900 or http://www.birthright.org/ ) They do Free pregnancy testing
Completely confidential help
Non-judgmental and caring advice
Friendship and emotional support
Legal, medical, and educational referrals
Prenatal information
Maternity and baby clothes
Housing referrals
Social agency referrals
Information on other community services
Adoption information
You can also try http://www.noelforlife.org/index/ NOEL (National Organization of Episcopalians for Life).
They say "To find out that you are pregnant when you don't want to be can be overwhelming and even frightening. You may feel as if abortion is your only choice.
But you do have a real choice. And pregnancy resource centers are there to help you in any way that they can, including:
Confidential counseling
Dealing with family problems
Medical care
Housing assistance
Job placement
Baby clothes and gear
It's easy to find a pregnancy resource center in your area:
The pro-life action league has help too. http://www.prolifeaction.org/faq/help.htm#pregnant
Call Option Line at 1-800-395-HELP—or search by zip code online
Call the National Life Center Help Line at 1-800-848-LOVE
Finally, you can look in your local phone book under "Abortion Alternatives."
Last, this is going to be really scary, but don't worry, God won't send you anything you can't handle. ( Unfortunately people can handle quite a lot. ) St. Julian of Norwich said about God "He did not say "You will never have a rough passage, you will never e over-strained" or "You will never feel uncomfortable" But He did say "You will never be overcome."
2006-12-26 14:03:03 · answer #9 · answered by Larry R 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been in the same boat & will tell you this much: your parents more than likely will be disappointed at first, but they will come around. If you are worried about being separated from your bf, etc, maybe you should wait until next month (after your birthday) to tell them about the baby. I was scared to death to tell my parents too, more my dad than my mom & I do believe that if looks could kill, I would've been dead when my dad found out. Actually, my dad wouldn't even LOOK at my son until he was over a year old...which was hard, but we got through it & now he loves him just as much as he does any of his own children.
As far as your bf staying around & being responsible, I have a suggestion for GUARANTEEING that: get married. Seriously. You will avoid a lot of legal issues as far as establishing paternity, having to deal with enforcing child support & custody, because you will be married & he will have a legal obligation to take care of both of you which will be easier to enforce. I wish that I had been able to take this route, but I had other extenuating circumstances (I was 16, he was 23 and my parents definitely DID NOT like him!)
But above all, congratulations & good luck! Thank you to the both of you for accepting the responsibility for your actions & not taking the 'easy way out.' Life will NOT be easy, you both already know that, but in the end, the first time you see your baby, you will feel soooo much love & it will be worth it. Feel free to email me if you need a friend....my username is saritabendita
2006-12-26 04:50:31 · answer #10 · answered by mamitasaritabendita 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋