If a man or a woman feels that there is no connection between them, should they stay married or separate?

Question

Our marriage was arranged. I hardly knew him. Soon I realized I have nothing in common with him. Our relationship has been of a father/daughter or a employer/employee... I do my part he does his. and that's all. We hardly even fight because we share nothing! I've always been unhappy. I want love. but I'm wondering, Considering true love might be nothing but a "myth," should people be after love, or should they try to keep the marriage bond together. Breaking up marriages causes devestation to families and societies... I'm confused. Please don't write me junk answers! use logic and reasoning to explain your opinion. thanks...

Answer 1

I have a firm belief that marriage without love is a waste of your life. You deserve better. Women are emotional creatures. They need to have love in their lives and need to have those emotional needs met. We need to have kindness, affection and shared connections with our spouses. Yes, we also need to fight. Even if it is to show that our spouses care enough to have the argument with us because we need to vent sometimes.

Society wants marriage, but guess what...so do we! Men like the convenience of marriage and all that comes with it. Sometimes, there are benefits to marriages of convenience but without love in it you WILL BE MISERABLE!!! At the very least, there should be a mutual respect that can lead to contentment that leads to love. My goodness! No one wants to live without having some form of true love and admiration throughout their whole life. Not to mention what true PASSION would do for your sex life! There is nothing like it to experience heightened passion with someone who not only desires you but loves you!

Imagine what will happen without love ALL YOUR LIFE...both of you will come to a point with time when your eyes will stray...then your hearts and so will your bodies. Aldultery....one affair after another. Not good. The marriage of convenience will turn into bitterness, distrust, hate, and anything else negative that you can think of that won't sit right in your heart.

I am not a big advocate of divorce, however I am not a big advocate of misery either. I believe that if you love your spouse, fight for your marriage. But if you are truly stuck in a marriage of convenience and there are NO children involved, get out and find true love for yourself.

You might find that you may even be happier alone than with someone with whom you have nothing in common.

Good luck and make yourself happy! Society isn't thinking about what it is like being you living without LOVE!

Answer 2

I think that it is great that you all don't fight. But not all relationships are built in a day or over a life time. Some relatioships are still in progress when the people are long gone. What you might want to consider doing is going to a movie or going out to eat. This will help you build the foundation for the relationship. And since this was an arranged marraige then both of you were feeling pressured and felt like you had no other way out. So this probably caused some distance to be put between both of you and the relationship had no foundation. Without foundation a house will not survive the weather (events having ifluences in social, economic and emotional). So First build the foundation. Also if there are children involved the if you do decide to stay together then i urge you to keep the fighting down. And if you do break up then it should be your top prioity to let the father or the mother of the child have as much contact as possible. It takes two people wheather same sex or different sex to make a child feel loved. One person can do it but. Two is definately easier. Let the other parent of the child pick he/she up from school and stay and eat dinner sometimes. Or go out on a family outing and have both parents there. And if there are step parents there then the step parents need to kow that this is the parent of my child and they will be here log after you are gone.

Well i hope that this helps you out on your journey and remember you have to believe in yourself and everything will be just fine.

Answer 3

Marriage, under the best of circumstance is not easy. Even if you separate and found a man that you were very strongly attracted to...then married....that attraction only lasts for a time.
Then love and true affection must be there or even it will not last.

True love does exist. However it is not the storybook love we all think it is. To love a spouse and be loved by them you must have a basic friendship that transcends the physical lust we all have that brings us together. We must love...or learn to love...that person much like we did out parents or siblings for that love lasts a lifetime. And it must be a partnership with nether one with as status greater than the other. That is true love.

The reason the divorce rate in the US is so high is we all miss this concept. We are strongly attracted physically and think that is love and you want it to last forever. It never ever can because sooner or later we all must come back to center. For some of us we look at that spouse then and wonder what was I thinking.

Your marriage was arranged. You had no choice but be a wife to....as you say.....your father. This could never ever make you happy the way you want it to unless you saw something in him that was good and kind and you grew to love him. That has happened with many arranged marriages. But you need that connection....that emotional and physical connection for you to be happy.

You must be aware there are no guarantees it would get any better with another man. But what you missed out on was the attraction phase that is such a wonderful part of life. There is truly nothing in life that can compare to it.

There are worse things than breaking up a marriage. Living your whole life in despair is a major one. It is possible....even probable....that he is as unhappy as you. For what was expected of you was also expected of him.

Answer 4

You do realize there is no easy answer to this question. I must admit that I know very little about arranged marriages, but it might be a good idea to sit down with your husband and both parents to get things out in the open. Communication is so important in any relationship. I'm sure both parents put A LOT of thought into this, and would not have done this if they didn't think it was a good idea. As far as love goes I don't believe it to be a myth, but I do believe it is hard to find, hard to decipher from lust at times, and it can cause just as much if not more unhappiness as you are currently feeling. I am currently separated from the one I consider to be the love of my life and communication was and still is our down fall. If this marriage was worth going into than it is worth trying every possible option available to you before making a decision. I AM SO SORRY THAT YOU ARE UNHAPPY, JUST KEEP THE FAITH.

Answer 5

I don't know if children are involved or not but I think whenever there is a lack of a connection between partners then you should never stay married. Life is too short to stay with someone who doesn't make you feel happy or fulfilled. I know it is probably on some level a marriage that has it's own comfort zone because you have grown used to the situation to some degree but you are acknowledging that you are not happy. You will never know if you can find true love or not if you don't try. Sometimes people never meet the "right" person but many times they do or at least some one more compatible than the person you are with.

Never settle in your life. Don't let other people decide what is best for you. I know that divorce has it's own set of consequences but it was divised for people like yourself who are unhappy in the marriage. I think your circumstances are different than most because your marriage was arranged. You didn't even get to choose your partner. In the US people get to decide who they want to be with and it's when they give up on the marriage and don't try to work things out and stray on their partners that children and people suffer. There's too much infidelity and sometimes divorce is used simply as a way out because two people who did love each other don't want to put the effort into working things out...

I would move on if I were you. It sounds like you both deserve a chance at happiness....

Answer 6

I would say that if there is no connection it is up to the couple. Some people may be happy living without true love, yet may enjoy the company that marriage brings. If both people are satisfied with that and want to keep it going then that's great for them. You say that you are unhappy though... if a person feels that they would be happier separating from their spouse then they should go and seek that happiness that they long for. I think it's up to a person to decide whether they want to seek love or to just stick with their marriage. Different things make different people happy... some people may be happier seeking new love after divorce, while other people don't find the pain of divorce worth it.

Answer 7

Wow, what an interesting problem. I may not be the best person to answer this because I'm American so the idea of an arranged marriage is foreign to me, so my answer my sound naive to you, but I can still offer my perspective and you may find it helpful or not helpful at all.

Since you are married I think you should do whatever you can to maintain the relationship especially since, as you pointed out, there is so much at stake with families and societies. I think (of course I don't know your husband so this may be the naive part) that you can find love within marriage. People who marry for love have the same problems you describe, they fall in love, but sometimes that "LOVE" is just infatuation. They marry and are unhappy because it wasn't so much that they actually have anything in common or truly love each other. They just thought the other person was "hot". Another problem is people change over time. Ideally the changing happens together, but not always. People grow apart. In love marriages sometimes the in-laws hate you from day one because you aren't what they wanted for their son or daughter and they can cause cool feelings everytime the whole family is together. Of course their are times that when you love someone you don't necessarily "feel" a lot of love. Any marriage comes with its set of problems--I'm not saying that in a condesending way at all, I'm sure you know that. I'm just pointing it out in the way that we all need to be reminded every so often.

Anyway, maybe -and this may be naive on my part too so please forgive me if it is- you and your husband should just kind of start over again. If you think it is possible tell him that you want love, that it is important to you and that you want desperately to love him. That you want the marriage to not just be a union but a satisfying relationship for both of you. Then do things like ..remember to tell each other you love each other, set time aside for "dates" or nights out together, experiment more with sex, find something you like to do together (very hard even for couples who married for love--Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus). When he does things that seem father/daughter or employer/employee, tell him "I'm your wife, not your daughter." My husband can treat me that way sometimes too, especially when we were younger, and I'm a year older than him. When I remind him I'm his wife and not his daughter he gets irritated and acts mad--but I think he thinks about it because gradually he treats me less like that each year we're married. Count the things you do have in common (culture, children (if you have any), etc.) and appreciate those.

God bless you.

Answer 8

The common meaning of "True Love" is a myth.

Love is something that needs to be worked on everyday. So many marriages fail these days because one or both begin to take their marriage for granted and they stop trying to impress and stop trying to make the other happy.

Love is something that can be cultivated, even in a loveless relationship. It takes effort from both people everyday. You may have to "go through the motions" for the first few months, but if you both have the desire to beat the odds, it is possible.

Answer 9

If you have nothing in common with this man, I would seperate. True love is not a myth, it just takes time to find, but it is out there if you really want it. Your marriage should have been your decision, so who cares if others are devasted. If you truly care about how your family feels and your culture upholds arranged marriages, then stick it out.

Answer 10

Its very strange that you have nothing common between you and your Husband, but what my believe is, there is always common thing but it is a matter of exploring. What i estimated is may be you have a major influence from your friends those who are living happily but you never tried to explore a formula of communication between them becuase communication is the key and you didnot explain about your communication with him how is it, are you trying always to communicate or not, did he ever tried or not. Just imagine may be i dont know but may be he is also in a same situation and thinking the same. It might be the case of starting from one end here i would like to ask you about your marriage age(how long you been married)
First of all i would never suggest you to get separate if at any stage you want to decide to do so, evaluate your efforts first like

1)Have you tried by communication.
2)Did you gave him your heart out for love.
3)Did you shared your secret or best part of your life with him.

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