Not divorced yet but STBX introduced kids to new GF. Do I have a right to be angry?

Question

Seperated since July. Haven't even filed for divorce yet, because we were fighting over things like custody and child support. The courts have now made that a moot point for him to fight about because they have awarded me custody and support, and he only sees kids 4 days a month WITH supervised visitation.
He now has a girlfriend. I'm not angry about that, because I have been seeing someone off and on since about a month after we seperated. I truly don't want to be with him anymore OR deal with his violence or drinking. What I am angry about is that he has introduced the kids ( ages 10, 6, and 4) to her, and they have been spending time with her and her two boys. Keep in mind he only has our kids 4 days a month, and rather than spend quality time with just them - he plans things around her and her boys. I also wonder what kind of a moral lesson he is teaching them, as they know we aren't even divorced yet.

Do I have a right to be angry? Legally, can I do anything about it?

Please read the question fully ..I'm not angry because he moved on - I DON'T WANT HIM! I moved on way before him, but I wanted to be discreet about it, and not let the kids know until after we were divorced. HE ruined that for me by being obsessive, and crazy. He told the kids everything about my friend, and even stalked me when they were with him.

I am truly trying to raise my children with the best morals and ethics, and he is disregarding all of that!

I think I might be jealous for my children...for example, he didn't even call his kids on Christmas morning. When my son called him and asked him where he was, I had to witness his devastation when his dad told him he was at his GF's house. All I want to know is why can't he be a little more discreet - to protect OUR children??

Answer 1

Wow... you haven't even filed for divorce yet and he is introducing them to his new GF and her children? Way to confuse them... I remember a year after my parents were actually DIVORCED, my mom introduced me to her new bf and I STILL wasn't ready for that. Situations like this shouldn't be taken lightly with children. Whether he, you, or even the actual children realize it at the moment or not, they can be really affected by it in the long run. I completely understand that you would be pissed even if there is no jealousy invovled... your children's emotions are and that is more important than anything. I definitely wouldn't want to teach my kids that this is "okay". I'd say bring it up in divorce court. And who is supervising his visits with the kids and allowing other people to be around? I would be really mad too... you are not alone.

PS... I too am surprised with a lot of these answers. I wouldn't pay any attention to them. These people saying you are just jealous and crap have probably never been in your situation and aren't even trying to put themselves in your shoes... I doubt they even have children. Screw them. There's nothing wrong with the way you are feeling... regardless if there was jealousy invovled or not. It is not unormal.

Answer 2

Once you separated, both of you lost the right to to be angry about the IF or when the other starts seeing other people. You can deny it, but you ARE upset he has a gf. Not a big deal, but that is how things are. There is nothing wrong with him introducing his kids to the gf and her kids. It isn't as though that will tip them off that Mom and Dad aren't getting along, or that you no longer live together. They've noticed. Going through divorce makes people crazy. That makes it tough to behave reasonably. But, since you have kids, you get to manage the impossible task of appearing and behaving reasonably, while inside you want to scream, tear out your hair, and grind hubby up into cat food. Now, it's time for useless advice. Try to relax. This whole situation will be resolved. I guarantee that by the time your youngest is 21, you and hubby will have gotten visitation, support, and custody issues ironed out. Please don't bother trying to use courts or lawyers to control what your husband does while he has the kids- it makes you look silly and petty.

Answer 3

I'm a little surprised a some of these answers. Although I would not be seeing anyone so quickly, I am guessing that you havn't introduced the kids to the person you've been seeing since you're upset that he did so.

I would be upset also, since your kids are little, recently lost their dad, and noone knows if this woman will be around long term or not. The last thing they need is a bunch of boyfriends and girlfriends coming in & out of their lives. I'm not in this situation, but my friend at work is. Her boys are 2 and 4, and her son cried his eyes out when he saw his daddy driving away with the new girlfriend and her young children. No little kid wants to know that their dad doesn't spend time with them, but does spend time with someone else's kids.

Unfortunately, I have no idea whether you can do anything about it legally or not. good luck

Answer 4

I wouldn't judge the morality of the situation since you have been involved with someone since a month after the separation. You're expecting him to be more moral than you? That's really an unfiar standard.

I certainly think that he has an obligation to his kids more than hers, but since you've successfully limited his access to his kids it's going to be more difficult. Separation never does anything but pro-long the inevitable - the dissolution of the relationship.

The best judge of his character and actions will be your kids and they will either learn to accept him or will eventually give up on him. It's their choice what a good/bad father he is, not yours.

If you think he's abusive to them, then why do you all of a sudden want him involved with the kids? It seems to me that all you want out of him is the financial support since you've been awarded full custody with limited and supervised visitation. It's obvious he's accepted that there is very little possiblity of appeasing you and he's chosen to move on with his life - which means he's going to introduce his kids to any new woman in his life. Maybe he is curious about the feasibility of the new relationship by seeing how his kids react to it...

Either way your relationship and his is over, so you have to let him move on and understand that he will be a father to the best of his CHOSEN ability, which is no different than your CHOSEN ability to be a mother.

Answer 5

No, u shouldnt be angry about this.
At least she has children too.
Legally, u cant do a thing about this.
U need to think positive and just get on with your own life.
Forget him, but if he gets violent while the kids are with him and his new girlfriend, u can stop your kids from going there 4 days.
Just ask the kids how they spent their time, if they had a good time , then its ok, but if there was violence, u need to know to prevent them from going back.
Think positively and dont worry so much.

Answer 6

hard one. at the same time as the choose and determination of a few different person impacts your existence. of route you adult men are shifting in various stages of the existence cycle. you opt for to settle and performance a relatives degree. She is basically starting off adulthood. and could not have the adulthood to attend to the priority. To have youthful ones also ability complications. undergo in concepts once you've been her age. of route there's a "mis tournament". i recognize you experience, both which way you lose. And apparently meaningless. Time is besides not on your aspect. What am i able to say. chinese have a declaring, "short time period discomfort, more desirable than lengthy time period discomfort". That relies upon What do you truly opt for ? Whichever way, do not placed your existence on carry except you're very very particular its nicely worth it and also you recognize what you're doing. Take day holiday. a million month, 3 months..placed a reduce off date to make that determination. Get a buddy, brother to envision with and carry secure your route. Then make the alternative and under no circumstances seem decrease back after that. Pray.

Answer 7

you cant really do anything but,,are you sure you are not jealous FOR your children,,,he sees hers more and that must sting because even though you and him know it is over how can he spend more time with hers and not yours,,,,i think it normal to think like this because YOUR children are the most important thing to you and in your eyes should be to him as well,,,,the sting seems to come from her children as apposed to your feelings of jealousy towards him and her. just remember if you start seeing a man who also has kids but sees yours more because of the amount of time spent with you,THEIR mother will probably feel the same,,it is just how it is.

Answer 8

Even though you deny being jealous, it certainly sounds as if you are, and personally I don’t think it’s jealously on the children’s behalf. Obviously Dad’s not forgoing seeing his children in order to spend time with his girlfriend and her children.

Why would the children be ‘devastated’ because Dad spent Christmas with his girlfriend? Obviously, he didn’t get to spend Christmas with his children…it sounds as if you expected/felt that he should have spent it alone.

Answer 9

Angry about what? He has supervised visitation with his children 4 days a month. That's HIS time with the kids to do what HE chooses to do. Leave the man alone and get on with your own life.

Answer 10

Legally your hands are tied. Do you have a right to be angry? Hell yes. I went through this and it still pisses me off. Same sitch, abusive alcoholic in new relationship that prolly seems perfect from the outside, just like your relationship did so many years ago before it got so bad. Now his kids are second to her and her kids. IDK that this is your case but it's mine.

It sucks but until he hits his woman in front of my kids there isn't anything I can do about it. Even then I can't stop him from seeing them, that's when he gets supervised visitation. Be strict in your divorce papers, that's all I can say.