What do you do when you find out new information about your husbands online habits each time you sit down at the computer?
I have confronted him about it. He is in counsoling and trying, I repeating trying to tell the truth. And I am struggling continue to trust him. However, he does not hold the same standards as I do about online "chatting". He feels that it is no big deal.
2006-12-26 03:27:06 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
oh an ps I am not searching. I letterally sit sown with a word document and go to paste and up come language that he has typed somewhere. I was not looking for it. I do like my ignorance I think.
2006-12-26 03:29:19 · update #1
I'm sorry you're in this situation. I've been there myself and it's not a good place to be. Like you, I was not intentionally looking for anything, but would find something by accident nearly every time I used our computer. My husband first tried the excuse that it's no big deal and he just enjoyed talking to people (women). Then it turned to anger because he said I was at fault for "snooping" and not trusting him. (Well, what's to trust?)
Eventually, the on-line stuff led to affairs. Again, to him "no big deal". I seriously think men are just wired differently or something. Our marriage counselor even said that most men have different perspectives on the whole fidelity thing.
It all really comes down to respect and treating the person you are involved with fairly and with true love. If he truly cares about you and your feelings, he won't continue behavior that hurts you. I tried telling my husband this and it didn't get me anywhere. He'd stop for awhile to get me off his back and then it would start again. Nothing changed until we started counseling after I found out about his affairs.
Good luck!
2006-12-26 05:33:25 · answer #1 · answered by rhonda j 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people would tell you that it is no big deal. But really, it does not matter what everyone else says...if you feel betreyed by it...and you have expressed that to him,.....if it was "no big deal" to him...then why wont he stop doing it for you....the one he loves? If it WAS no big deal...then he should quit doing what hurts you.
And in my opinion....if you need to chat with people who dont know you, behind your spouses back or in privacy...then it is a BIG DEAL. It is cheating to me. First of all, because you are "finding out " about this....not because he is telling you. And screw all that...if he cared about your feelings he would stop. He obviously has a need to do this, or he would stop all together. I don't mean to sound harsh....but it is a fact....you do things for the one you love.....you dont do things to hurt the one you love!
Good luck girl! Talk to him and bluntly tell him that this hurts you and you would never do this to him! If he doesn't get it...maybe you should do what makes you happy too!
2006-12-26 03:37:12 · answer #2 · answered by mslatin 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That is definitely a big deal. I am all about working things out in a marriage, but, it has be worked out where the two of you come to an understanding. What he is doing is very unhealthy for your relationship. The fact he hasn't told you about it shows that he knows it's not right, but still continues to do it anyway..thinking that it's ok as long as he doesn't get caught.
2006-12-26 03:53:52 · answer #3 · answered by mirmade13 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am in your same situation. It is so disappointing and heartbreaking. I have told my husband it's inappropriate for a married man to carry on in such ways with other people, but he doesn't see it that way. He thinks they are all just good friends and there's nothing wrong with it. I wish I could give you some advice, but I can only sympathize with you. I wish you the best!
2006-12-26 03:40:18 · answer #4 · answered by angels_sign_ily 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The internet is the downfall for a lot of relationships. If you are uncomfortable with his online chatting, especially if they are women, he should stop. That is a form of CHEATING, by the way.
2006-12-26 03:38:29 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I will question him about it but thats my relationship as we both know eachothers sites and passwords.Trust is a big part of a relationship.He needs to stay offline to build that trust up again and telling him that might help,thats if he really is trying...
Goodluck...
2006-12-26 04:03:58 · answer #6 · answered by Storm 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It all depends on what you've discovered & what he says when he is chatting. I suspect you don't approve which is a sign that he's up to no good.
2006-12-26 03:37:19 · answer #7 · answered by mstrywmn 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋