Am i being paranoid?????

Question

My hubby and i have been together almost 4 yrs and i love him very much.Recently i have begun to suspect he is up to something not cheating on me or anything but possibly something illegal.He works in the corporate(stock broker) world so its not drugs or anything like that.But either we are living above our means and way over our head in debt or something is not right.That does not include the two different records of our spendings he told me the first one was a mistake?My husband takes cares of the bills but i know what he gets paid and what our investments are and the numbers just dont add up.I am really worried my husbands father went to jail for white collar crimes and is still in jail!Also when i asked he just told me not to worry everthing is fine and to just trust him.What do i do?am i being paraniod?

We have two year old daughter together and i really want to trust him but i feel something is wrong?

Answer 1

Keep after him & insist he tells you the truth. Tell him trust works both ways, and if something's amiss you want to know now before it's too late.

Answer 2

You are not being paranoid, and have every good reason to be concerned. Why in the world did you marry a man whose father was already a criminal? I appreciate that you might not have known it at the time, but you know it now, and it looks very much as if you are also right about your husband's illegal activity.
Look, this is NOT a matter of if, but when, the law catches up with him, it will be extremely difficult, more like impossible, for you to claim to be innocent of all knowledge of his doings. The old saying "no honor among thieves" applies here, and don't kid yourself - when the chips fall and he could be looking at a long jail term if he thinks there is any possible chance of making a better deal by implicating you, he very likely will. Even if he does try to protect you from implication, the prosecutor will make mincemeat of you - how in the world could you NOT know something fishy was going on? A person with half a brain would have known that something didn't add up, and what he was supposed to be making couldn't cover the standard at which you were living.
You say you love this man. But this man is a crook, a liar, a fraud, a thief. You have two options, keep turning a blind eye and run the very serious risk of taking the fall with him when it comes- or at very least finding yourself destitute because the law will probably confiscate everything that they claim has been obtained fraudulently. Or your second option is to talk to a lawyer about going to the Police and telling them what you know.
If you think that is being disloyal to your husband, WHAT disloyalty? He is the one who has been disloyal to you. You also have to remember that corporate fraud hurts often thousands of innocent people. Trusting people sometimes with little to lose, often lose everything when those whom they have trusted deceive them. Especially now, in the wake of one of the biggest financial scandals of our time - the Enron Debacle - the Law no longer cocks only half an eye at fiscal fraud. It comes down heavy, realising at last that the far-reaching consequences of this kind of activity hurt thousands of people eventually.
I absolutely sympathise with your dilemma, but you had better make up your mind quickly which road you are going to walk. - the road that makes you his accomplice, or the right road. Your choice is between being part of the crime, or part of the solution. I hope you will make the right one.

Answer 3

You may be being paranoid, and you may not be. Drugs isn't the only illegal crime that you can go to jail for, as you well know. But as far as trusting him, trust is something that is earned, not just given. If you know for an absolute fact the numbers isn't adding up, I'd ask him to give you something to trust. However, marriage is built on trust! Communications is another part of that trust package and marriage. Where there isn't enough communications, then there isn't enough MARRIAGE! Do you have any other reason NOT TO TRUST him other then his fathers record? and the numbers of your bills and monies? I would still look into the bank account. If you ask him he will just deny any thing that he may be doing illegal because that is what he has learned from his father. So it doesn't sound like he is being very honest with you if he can't show you what he is doing.

Answer 4

uh oh, sounds like you are in the same position I was in 30 years ago. My, at the time, husband's dad, also went to a penitentary, next thing, my husband is acting stupid, doing the same things (he played 'con' for a living - what a low life he was). Well the old man died in prision (that's how long he had been in prison). My at the time husband however, wanted to walk in his footsteps (stupid boys).

I left him, because I didn't want my 2 daughters to grow up like that. It was a good thing we left; the FBI came and got him and put him away in prison. Had I still been with him, the authorities would have at least taken my children away from me temporarily. Fortunately, it never happened, I had split. Whew.

Honey, please be careful when being married to a crook. He can take you down, and years later, you aren't going to love him for it, I promise.

Take you children and protect them, otherwise, the children will pick up his bad traits (no matter how you think you can prevent that from happening, it will happen; they will grow up the same). My youngest daughter is exactly like her dad, a thief, a crook, always running from the law, and always lying.

My oldest, a good Christian mother of my 1.5 yr old beautiful grandson. My children were only exposed to their dad for 4-5 years.

I hope you are listening to what I am saying. It is dangerous for your children and even more dangerous for you. If the police come to you, you will be a suspect with chances of loosing your children. Sweetie, please be careful!

Answer 5

your husband may think he is protecting you and your child but we all know this is worse really as what you have in your head is much harder to deal with and you are actually carrying the burden anyway,,,,sit him down and be firm,,he needs to know he has your support and your love and nothing will change that,,(affair not included obviously) but this is eating you up inside and together you can sort out whatever he may have done,,even if he is financially up to no good it is better for you to be prepared for something you know about than something you have no idea about and he needs to share it whatever it may be,,you are a big girl and can cope if only he includes you,as his wife,,HE may not realize he needs support because that is his job,,to support you as his spouse but it works both ways,,he will be well aware of any consequences to illegal activities and if he is involved with any he will be trying to make it all go away but to take this burden alone when he has you makes you feel he cannot talk to you,,you may not like what you hear and he knows this so you have to have an idea of what you will do if he is doing anything illegal,,stick by him and keep shtum or go to the police,,,these are your choices and as a wife who expects honesty within your relationship he could be worrying about your opinion,be honest in what you feel you would do and go from there,,it is not an ideal situation to be in but better for you both to know what to be prepared for,if anything than one knowing everything and the partner nothing.assume the worst and go from there,he doesnt know it but he will be relieved when you know and he doesnt need to hide.

Answer 6

I think that you have a right to know whats going on with your finances. Trust is one thing but that doesnt mean that you shouldnt ask questions and know whats going on with your money. You could be going down the drain with him if he's doing something at the worst and at the least you would be left high and dry if he went to jail right?

Answer 7

It seems that you are in a difficult situation since when you are married if he does something illegal you will also end up paying for it in the end. I would try and talk to him again, it is your money and life ahead aswell not just his.

Good Luck

Answer 8

Based on what you wrote you probably have reason to be suspicious. I am sorry, I do not have advice for this, just wanted to let you know I do not think you are being paranoid.

Answer 9

tell him you two are married and you both should be able to tell each other everything. Tell him no matter what it is you will be supportive but you need to know what's going on. You share each others live you deserve to know what's going on.

Answer 10

Demand that he sit down with you and explain what is happening with your finances. You have the right and obligation to know what is happening in your family.