2006-12-26 02:08:20 · 9 answers · asked by bungholian_monk 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
That depends on what you mean by "forgive". If you are thinking you can forgive and go back into a relationship with a person who has been abusive, I think you are setting yourself up to be hurt again. It also depends on what you mean by "make up for ... wrongs". Do you mean the abuser said "I'm sorry, baby, it will never happen again, let's go to a movie"? Again, setting yourself up. First, this person needs to recognize s/he has a serious problem and seek counseling. That's taking a step to making up. I think it's best for the abused to say "I'm glad you realize you need help and are getting treatment. I hope that in time you are able to have a healthy relationship with someone else, and I wish you well." Then maybe say hello on the street. It's too easy for abusers and their victims to fall back into their roles of tyrant and oppressed. Furthermore, too many people are murdered by their "recovering" abusers to make me have much faith in rehabilitation within the relationship. It is not your job to fix an abuser, to try to "see him (or her) through this", or to "make it work." You can't love someone enough to make the beatings or verbal abuse stop, and second and third chances only put you at further emotional and physical risk. Abusers need to get out and stay out. Forgive from a distance, from the comfort of a healthy, positive relationship with someone else.
2006-12-26 02:29:47 · answer #1 · answered by Medusa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think it depends on what kind of abuse it was,,physical abuse can be dealt with by the person being abused coming out the other end stronger and able to define who they are NOW and not the person they could have been made into if the abuse caused them so much turmoil in their lives they considered that life now ruined,some crumble and some grow inside their heads ,,waiting until an age where they decide,,"NO MORE".sexual abuse,,,i dont think,,and this is my personal opinion only,,,you ever have to accept an apology if you dont want,,if someone decides they want to keep that person away from them that is their right,,it takes a strong mind to forgive that person and if that person just decides not to have anything to do with the ex-abuser,thats it. just be sure it is actually forgiveness and not fear.
2006-12-26 02:44:23 · answer #2 · answered by lex 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's alright to forgive! But, it's also alright to not forgive if it is a pattern. In other words if this abuser is constantly screwing up and thinks that everything is going to be better just because they said "I'm sorry" that's a ridiculous request. I noticed you said "tried to make up for their wrongs", not made up for them. Part of reconciliation is to make it all right again! If you stole $2000 from me and apologized and only paid me back $30 it would not make it O.K. You would still be a thief! And still deserve full punishment. And the distrust that accompanies it!
2006-12-26 02:27:15 · answer #3 · answered by delux_version 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
An abuser isnt right in the 1st place so they need help .Did they try to makeup 4 thier actions by getting help? Plain apologys don't work.So if the abuser thinks the words would fix things, well actions speak louder than words!
2006-12-26 02:16:06 · answer #4 · answered by lilly l 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are in a abusive relationship this is just the beginning of a cycle, this person will always apologize to you and you will go through the honeymoon stage, where its good for a while then it starts over again, try to get out of this situation ASAP. You deserve better, keep your head up.
2006-12-26 02:15:54 · answer #5 · answered by Priscilla B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it's alright to forgive an abuser, if you are ready to. I was abused for 7 years and I have forgiven them for all the pain and suffering it cause me when growing up.
I recently forgave my husband for his abusive behavior, but I will not take him back. I honestly believe that you can forgive an abuser, but you don't have to let them back into your life. I have been in counseling for 12 months now through a domestic violence program. It was the best choice I have ever made. If you have been abused, I recommend one on one counseling.
You will be blessed.
2006-12-26 02:24:25 · answer #6 · answered by TracyBee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's neither right nor wrong. It depends on how many times you are prepared to be abused by them before you can't stand it anymore. Once abused shame on them, twice abused shame on you (for staying on and letting them do it again)
2006-12-26 02:30:02 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well...if you do, keep your eyes open and be careful....it probably will happen again....abusers always apologize....they reel you in and when you least expect it...they abuse...that is how they control you....good luck
2006-12-26 02:11:09 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i don't think you can every truly forgive them. things will never be the same, because what they did will always be there
2006-12-26 02:24:33 · answer #9 · answered by bone 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋