my bf of of 6 yrs have been engaged for 2 yrs.he has a huge debt (25k)from his first marrage that he is trying to pay off.we have been trying to save up to get married for the last 2 yrs.i don't want to sound like a evil stepmom but we just spent over 300 hundred on his son for x-mas.his son wanted a motorcycle for x-mas along with many other things but did not get it.we told him we would get him one next x-mas.now my bf's exwife has convinced him to go in half on a motorcycle with her which would be about 200 dollars.200 dollars right after x-mas is alot for us.my bf said he will take it from his bonus check he got but i feel he should put that money towards his debt or our wedding.my bf was big in motorcycle racing as a kid and he really wants to get his son into it too.am i wrong to feel this way?
2006-12-26 01:39:46 · 14 answers · asked by karenmackhjui89 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You live the situation, you know what is really going on whether you tell yourself or not. Take a few deep breaths and ask yourself what your real question is.
Does this guy have his financial priorities where you believe they should be, and will it always be a source of tension in your relationship?
Is he busy dealing with guilt and trying to buy his son's love?
Is this a great opportunity to get something the kid really wants?
Are you jealous because you have been waiting and this will put your plans on the back burner? I'm not blaming here, this is the one I would feel.
Only you know what is really going on. Your feelings are trying to send you a sign that something isn't right for you. Just have to sit down and figure out what you are trying to tell yourself.
Much luck.
2006-12-26 02:32:28 · answer #1 · answered by marenka 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I say that it isn't worth the worry or the arguements. He loves his son and he should do this if this is what he wants to do. I think that you are right in principle however, let it go sister. He needs to do this for his son he believes. Don't be the thorn in the smelly rose. Seriously, it is only $200 dollars and will delay the payoff of the debt or towards your wedding just a little. It really isn't worth the headache and the hard feelings. Give the child your blessings and make sure he has a helmet!!!! If you take part in this your husband will be forever grateful and have nothing to come back at you with in heated arguements. It's only $200. Go get a second job or sell some of the stuff your husband or you don't use anymore on Ebay to help defray the cost. 7 years old is a good age to start riding motorcycles. He will be more experienced and safer when he is a teen.
2016-05-23 07:41:50 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand where you are coming from and yes you have a right to feel the way you do because when you marry, his debt become your problem too!!!!!!! As for the comments about the child, that is a tough one. I have a daughter and whether I have the money or not or the time or not, she gets whatever she wants within reason. So yes and no you are wrong. Maybe try telling him how you feel. Red flag though on the spending issue, he isn't smart with money. I hope you guys don't have a joint account yet.!
2006-12-26 04:20:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should probably be questioning your relationship here but not for his spending money on his kid.
One would be his spending the cash while maintaining the debt.
One would also be buying a bike for a 7 year old. That would be okay if he had the were withal to fund that obsession for the next 12 years but he does not. I also know that he raced back in the day but has he described the number of debilitating injuries sustained in that sport. Why would you subject your own kid to that?
How much money do you think you need to get married, this is his second. It sounds like you want the big one. Maybe you should rethink your choice.
2006-12-26 02:27:14 · answer #4 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, he and his ex-wife agree that is appropriate for their son, and will be going half (i may disagree, as may you, but they are the boy's parents)
I would also think that having a wedding when one has debt is not the best thing (and clearly in this we disagree)
which is my point. You and your bf need to have a joint understanding on how to deal with your money issues. However, it must also be a fair one. I'm sure giving his son a motorcycle (esp given that he's so into them himself) is a LOT more important to him then putting money towards a second wedding. Just as he has made sacrifices for you, you must also make them for him.
So yes, you are wrong, as you have compared a child's gift to YOUR wedding and decided that the gift was too much. and don't start on the debt thing, it is his debt and if you were truly into paying it off the wedding wouldn't be so important to you- starting married life debt free would. Have your wedding, let the kid have his bike
2006-12-26 01:48:53 · answer #5 · answered by smm 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know this may sound bad but if you try to get between a father and his son you'll be out the door in no time. I understand you guys need the money to but it is his bonus check to do with what he want's. That kid is only going to be a kid once. Sounds to me like you don't have your own kids or else you would understand that you do anything for your kids even when it doesn't make any sence.
2006-12-26 01:45:51 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think 7 is too young to get a motorcycle, anyway. Besides, you guys are supposed to be saving money. I agree with you. Unfortunately, there's not much you can do without sounding like an evil stepmom.
2006-12-26 02:28:27 · answer #7 · answered by Lotus 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tough one actually,,,,,he wants to be sure his son gets the chances he had,,a skill,a good and fun hobby and children need to be used to motorbikes when they are still young or ,and your b/f will tell you,,they get too scared of getting hurt,,200 dollars isnt a lot but it isnt small change either and it may be a good idea if you can approach your boyfriend and talk to him about what you and he are prepared to sacrifice for his son to have this item,,,it wont be the only thing he needs,,there is clothing,gas,helmets,spares,repairs and making sure you have somewhere to take the bike that needs repairing,,,spares are not cheap believe me,it may be helpful if you can let him see this is both of your burden,,that you consider this a family problem,,your family,the both of you,,i can cut down on this,,,can you cut back on that,,you are not wrong to feel this way but would you feel better with a man who wants nothing for his son,,who can excuse himself from buying gifts because of the Small cost,,sooner or later you and he may want kids of your own and would it feel the same him skimping then or would you come up with ideas on how you can both cut back so as to enable them to have the things you want them to have.?
2006-12-26 02:07:45 · answer #8 · answered by lex 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are absolutly right.
A motorcycle for a 7 year old doesn't make any sense. It's too expensive and you guys need the money besides it is dangerous too. Don't give in to that coz you are his partner now and his money is yours too.
2006-12-26 02:35:15 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Get him in a straigh jacket to the nearest mental hospital. Motocycles are killers at all ages.
2006-12-26 02:41:50 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋