Husband cheated?

Question

Back in Oct. i was due to have mine and my husbans first child, he was working out of town while i was back at our home place with family getting ready to have our child, i got our cell phone bill and got the number of the girl he was talkng to and called her, she told me he stayed all night with her and rented movies and took her out to eat, well i just now found a copy of the visa statement and it had blockbuster, and the outback. so now i know hes been lying to me, its now december and we have a 2 month old baby and my husband still tells me he did not go to her house and didnt do any thing with the girl, while the girl told me that he stayed all night and slept in the same bed and had oral sex. Im going to show him today that i found the visa statement, to see if he still lies to me, should i tell him to either tell me the truth or me and our baby is leaving and going back to our home town? cause i want to know the truth any advice?

Answer 1

I really hate to see anyone break up a marriage when a child is involved...

If your husband is the type that needs to travel, when on business, then you can bet he is going to do it over and over again..and you will never trust him again.

Like Ann Landers used to say, Are you better off with him or with out him?

I would get a test for sexually transmitted disease before you start to have sex with him again.. and have "HIM" tested also! (Thats if you havent had sex...just to make sure he is "clean"...if you so desire to save this marriage.

In fact, every time he came home from a business trip, I would march him to the doctors for an STD test! (He deserves it, because he 'did' cheat on you, and the girl obviously wasnt just telling you stories if the facts back them up).

Its your call... Simply because you will live with the consequences of your actions... Divorce and he pays child support, (but, make sure he doesnt get in the divorce decree that you cant take the child out of the State, back to your home town or where you want to go). And visititation rights will have to be at "his" expense...not yours! (He is the one that cheated on you...and your the innocent party in this one).

I wish you well..

Jesse

Answer 2

Tell him you have the evidence and talked to her. Then let him explain. You do not need the details and presumably you know the truth.
What you do not know is why. That is the information he needs to supply.
It could be from "I don't love you feel trapped and I'm glad you know" to " you were 9 months, I was out of town and got something that I haven't had for a while".
He is still in denial mode which means he does not want to A. hurt you or B. wants to continue having one on the side.

There are a lot of possibilities and there is no simple response.
I do know that you do not want the details only the assurance that it will not reoccur any time soon.
Pregnancy does breed infidelity.

Be very wary of the people who would suggest that you leave immediately because I'd bet they have no first hand experience.
I would be very suspect of anyone who would suggest that throwing him out and that "honesty" are more important than having a spouse around with a two month old. From my experience you are probably not quite able to operate a household without help right now. There is nothing quite like living at home with the rents, raising a baby alone without much financial support in the name or truth. Get to the heart of the matter, which is most likely that husband got caught knocking a last one off with a woman who is not someone's mother. To deny that possibility discounts human nature. To leave him without airing this out under your own roof is also wrong.
Unlike the popular opinion on this post everyone does deserve ONE second chance.

Poker Aces and Iwonder seem to be on the right track here as well.

Answer 3

What is wrong with everyone on here (Answers)?? Yeah he lied and cheated and you have evidence to that fact. But don't you have more important things right now. Listen don't even bother with showing the bill and confronting him because that will only lead to a confrontation. You have a new born and that should be your number one priority. I know this answer is not the one you may want to hear because you are probably so P.O.'d right now that you just want to catch him in a lie. Well he is caught. There is nothing more to prove. Maybe you should get some space (leave) and re-evaluate your relationship. See if that illicits a change in him. Deep down inside only you know how this man really is. What I say is make sound decisions, not ones based strictly on emotion. He may change, then again he may continue to lie. Get away and take care of your child and yourself and through conversation and time see if this relationship is worth salvaging.

I do think that he is dirty and low down. I can relate because I have been were he is. My wife left me and it was the wake up call that I needed. We are still separated after a year and unfortunately it appears as if we will be divorced. But I respect the fact that she has taking some time to evaluate and see how our children would be effected.

It's hard but you can't just let your emotions run away. You got the facts, so don't worry about the lies. Get you space and piece of mind and see how time handles things.

Good Luck and my prayers are with you.

Answer 4

My husband was working out of town for almost a year. We saw each other 5 times in a years time. My son and I were miserable as was my husband. Its very hard to live like that. I had a gut feeling something was going on and when he moved back home (let me add that he was working hurricane relief in mississippi, which is why he was gone so long and we did not go with him), it took a few months but I finally had the evidence to confront him, he admitted everything, we were already in counseling, I did not know it but he was struggling with his guilt. I am not condoning what he did by NO means, but having just gone through it, if he confesses and is truley remorseful, and you love him, YOU CAN work this out. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do andat one point I really do not think I wanted to, but after calming down and really communicating with him, I am so lad I gave him that second chance. We have both become better people, with much more respect for one another. I posted ?s on here and got blasted with once a cheat, always a cheat, and leave the scumbag. Thats always easy for someone to say, but you have to do what is in your heart. This does not have to be the end. Give him the chance to explain, and you both really need to be open to one another about what you need and expect from one another. Also "other women" are not the most reliable source as far as what really transpired in their "relationship". This is hard, but it can be done....Good Luck!!! My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Now, if it happens again, its time to move in a different direction!!

The guy that said something about STDs is right, he needs to be tested.

Answer 5

sweetie, if u follow my advice you will not regret it. i too have been in this situation. matter of fact i have a step daughter now! this is what you do, you Know he is lying, he know he is lying, quit asking him because you know he is go to lie. you can either go about this 2 ways, blow up and get pissed and just leave (which will make it even worse, cause he got off by not tell you the truth) or when he is at home, not expecting a thing, just start packing up your clothes and the baby's clothes, (nothing big, just enough to make him notice what u are doing) when he realizes what you are doing, he is goin to start panicking, and and begging for u to stay and not leave him, you say why should we stay? you dont love us, you cheated on me and you cant even tell me the truth about you being with another woman, and i'm sure you can take it from there, because when he starts apologizing just be like why are you apologizing, he will then see no other way to for u to stay and he will admit that he did and he's sorry and he will never do it again. its up to you to believe him. but i will tell you this, sweetie, if you forgive him, you have to put the past behind you and not bring it up and keep throwing it in his face because it will drive you insane. I promise you that. dont keep looking for anything cause you always get hurt when you go around snooping. trust me. just stay strong for your baby, and just stay focused on ur life and ur child's life. just know even though he/she is only 2 months right now, they are noticing everything about you. so even if you sad or angry, try not to let your baby see it.
i am praying for u and i hope you make the right decision!

Answer 6

I understand your stress, your feeling of betrayal and your anxiety.Men are weak, people are weak, but that doesnt make them beyond hope nor entirely evil. do you love your husband? does he really love you? from your story, I think there is love there. It sounds like your husband is guilty of temporary weakness, and letting off steam. Lieing is bad, I agree. but what was his intent in lieing. to hurt? or a lie to prevent hurt ?and also save face? there can be reasonalbe causes for doing bad things. truth is sacred but not an excuse to cause more pain. we sometimes lie to prevent pain. if he has done the wrong thing, he kind of has to lie in the follow up doesnt he. It sounds like a "one-off" thing. video movies are harmless, eating with someone is harmless, that leaves oral. oral not penetrative? and you only have someone else's word for that. and even if true, which it mightn't be, why oral not the whole shibang...some attempt at restraint even while failing? we are all human, we are all weak, we all do dumb things we all get freaked out by life events, we all get horny. listen to your heart, try to think about the overall picture. dont do anything too extreme or sudden. God bless you and your beautiful child and your silly husband. God bless all of you. Please messege me and let me know how you get along.

Answer 7

I would say it is a hard decision to make. First of all do you still love him? what will happen if you leave him with the baby? will he come after you for the child? I would suggest you confront him and fine out the real truth and decide later.

If he say nothing happen between them, that means he still want the relationship with you . Then check it out why the lady tell you what had happen? Maybe this lady want to create trouble for both of you.

I would suggest check it out and find the truth before any decision.

Answer 8

i would show him the bill. He is definetly lying to you. I would leave him because the rest of your marriage will feel like a lie and you'll never be able to trust him. If he loved you he would never have cheated on you. I would take the baby and leave. I would also sew him for alamony and child support. He is a no good piece of $hit that doesn't deserve to breathe the same air as you and the baby. Don't give him the pleasure of coming home to the baby anymore.

Goodluck i hope you and the baby get through everything ok.

Answer 9

He's a dirt bag! If he could do that to you it's bad and to your baby it's even worse. Show him the bill and call the girl in front of him and ask her to tell her side of the story.
I doubt he'll ever come clean and if you stay you know he's a liar and a cheater! And yes oral sex is cheating, spending time alone w/ another woman is cheating.
The question is, can you live w/ the cheater and a liar? It's up to you

Answer 10

You already have proof. Why are you waiting for him to tell you the truth? What happens if even if you do show him the statement and he says that its not what it looks like? You need to make a decision for your daughter and for yourself. Do you want to make it work and go through counseling or do you think you wont be able to trust him ever again and leave. Be strong, you have your baby and yourself to think about.