When did you first "understand" that you're homosexual (Or bisexual)?

Question

I mean I had this urge to look at men's bodies since I was 9 years old, but didn't understand why, or what was that all about. But when I became 15 years old I began to understand what's going on. and struggled with it till I became convinced that I have zero attraction to women when I was 18. How about you, what wnt on with you?

Answer 1

I like your 360. Brad Pitt, definitely.

My experiences were similar. About 13 or 14 I began to understand that this was not a phase I was going through. I hated high school and loved it at the same time. It put me in such close proximity to so many beautiful classmates that I got hard in the showers and was scared to death that anyone would find me out. It was a small town with provincial attitudes toward such things. But who could help look at their swinging steaks and smooth, toned bodies. I don't mean to make this sound like pornography. That isn't the point. But it'd be a lie not to describe what I felt then.
I didn't know a thing about the outside world at the time, so the things I felt were mine alone. There was no-one in whom to confide and no-one who I knew who was gay too. It wasn't much fun.
I sort of developed a neurosis about school and refused to go and was sent to a psychiatrist to discover what really was the matter. There is no point seeing a doctor if you don't tell him what is wrong, so I blabbed everything. The man turned out to be my salvation. After not too many sessions, perhaps five or six, we decided that the best course of action was to elicit the help of my folks and bring them in on the next session and spill the beans. I was outed by my psychiatrist at 16 and have never looked back in regret.
My parents were cool about the whole thing and it really came as no surprise, like they knew all along. My dad especially. Once I'd gotten over that hurdle, everything else just fell into place.
I'm glad that you asked this question and hope this is of some help to you. I don't much talk about coming out or teenage angst.

Answer 2

Looking back I could remember since I was five or six that I had crushes on my neighbor's cousin. He was in his teens at the time. I had underessed him in my eyes, even at that age, just wishing to see what was down there. This kept happening over the years with teachers and friends.

When I was 13 and realized what all of this meant. The first time I heard the word homosexual and what it meant I realized what was going on with me. But looking at the way homsexuals are treated in the society, I denied that it was me, that I was gay. I struggled through out highschool, trying to play is straight, I just isolated myself and got busy with studying. I made up stories about having a girlfriend who didn't go to the same school as me.

When I hit college I just played it low but it got really frustrating and I started to harm myself by engaging in distructive behavior. When I was 19 I tried to commint suicide, but then I realized that it wasn't my fault that I was gay. And the only reason why I was hiding myself was because I wanted approval, approval of the society, the family. Now a year later I have accepted myself to some extent, and am happier than ever before. :-)

Answer 3

Looking back...I was never really attracted to the opposite sex. I had no bad experience with men....just felt nothing sexually for them. I didn't know anyone openly gay/lesbian growing up. And this wasn't something that was ever discussed in my family. I saw the stereotypes on TV and in movies....and they were usually all negative....people that were made fun of and laughed at. Maybe that's why I didn't come the the realization until I was 18. I was in college and had a huge crush on a gal I had a few classes with. We were good friends, and she was terminally straight...so, I never said anything to her. But, I suppose not having any positive role models or knowing anyone gay growing up is what kept me from "coming out" to myself until then. It took a while to overcome the fear and accept myself. But now I am out and accepted by my friends, family and co-workers. And I have a wonderful partner as well!

Answer 4

I knew I felt strongly about boys and not strongly about girls at 8 -- I realized it was sexual at 11 -- I started having sex (yay!) at a late 13 with my best friend - and started coming out then.

I did experiment once, at the urging of fundie friends who were "worried" about me, at 15, with a close female friend -- I'm glad it was a close friend, cause it disgusted me so much I threw up -- a less close friend would not have forgiven me -- as it was she was basically like "NOW do you believe you are gay?" -- which of course inside I always knew, if my friends hadn't meddled, I wouldn't have bothered with the experiment even the once, I had no questions. They were just so worried about me, and so intent, they wanted me to "turn straight" and assured me that once I let my d**k touch a p****, I would instantly be one of them, actually, I was just totally nauseated and just as gay as before. After that they were sort of puzzled, shrugged, and gave up -- some of them are still my friends.

Interestingly, by some of the criteria used in some of the more extremely heterosexually oriented studies, this one horrible experience means I can be counted as straight or bisexual. I wonder what it would do to the numbers if they counted every boi who ever had his friend play with or s**k his d**k as gay???.

Kind regards,

Reyn
[e-mail]

Answer 5

I didn't want to admit or see I was bisexual. I played around with the word when I was 16, believing and hoping it was a sort of phase or a game. But when moments came that I thought I may really be bisexual I got scared and pushed it out my mind.

I only admitted it to myself a couple of months ago when for some reason I got a big surge of anger after accidentally seeing a picture of a girl that I thought was hot [though couldn't admit it to myself] - I told my boyfriend who helped me through the self-hate and guilt from this and now I am fine!

Answer 6

Same exact thing you said earlier. Except I was too chickenshit to experiment till i was 23!! Probably for the best though as I totally made up for it. I knew I was gay the first time I had this crush on a guy in high school. i swear I was like a stalker!! I would go to his house "he was 2yrs older" and I would do anything and everything to be around him. I even had a chance at one time but was to scared to act on it. I set him up with this girl who he married and had children with and I wasn't even invited to the wedding. To this day he is the only one I didn't come out too. How strange is that! By the way they are still married and that was in 90 I set them up. Still love the guy but have nothing in common with him.

Answer 7

It was kind of the same with me. I always was more interested in looking at guys when I was growing up, girls just didn't do anything for me. So, I kept pushing the feelings back thinking that it was a phase or something. Then I started dating girls in high school, trying to hide my gayness, but I just didn't get anything out of the relationships. So, I went off to college, and the experimentation started... That's when I finally realized that I was 100% gay.

Answer 8

I guess I knew on some level at around 8-9, started to understand it around 15, and finally accepted it around 19.

Answer 9

I felt like I understood at an early age also, I never really had any interest in looking at women, but long time ago I was sexually molested by a women and that was an awlful experience and so I wonder sometimes if that had to do anything with it, but Im trying not to be, i know its wrong to be gay, Im christain and I struggle alot, if you want to know anything else please email me ok, take care.

Answer 10

David Duchovny was my first love. We'll call that 6th grade. I think it was around 7th or 8th grade before I understood that that attraction to men was sexual. And then it took till sophomore year of highschool for me to be ok with that.