could my husband be cheating.?

Question

My husband and i have only been married a year and he doesnt show me any affection any more he never kisses me any more and sex is non exsistant. Ive talked to him about it and he says its my falt because im asleep when he comes to bed, but what does he expect he only comes to bed at 3am.Do you think he could be cheating on me, even thought he says he loves me or,Ive been really depressed lately could it just be that.

Answer 1

if you are depressed you might be experiencing a little bit of paranoia....but you should definitely talk to your husband about it...

Answer 2

Has your husband ever lied to you before? If he hasn't why stop trusting him now? As I guy their is one thing that infuriates me about my serious girlfriend. She never takes what I say, for just that. She always reads stuff into it. That could maybe happening here. Then again if he has lied to you in the past he could be cheating. How come he only comes home at 3? His job or just out with friends? If it is his job and you want sex and he tells you it is because you are sleeping when he gets home, take a nap, get up, get ready for him. If your not willing to do that, you don't want it very bad. If he is out with his friends every night till that time, there is a problem, no if ands or buts. Have you had a baby or put on weight lately? Even though it is shallow, he might not be attracted to you like that. I am like that. Its not that I am just not attracted to heavy girls, they are a turn off, to the point where I would have trouble getting an erection. I can't help it. It isn't something I can decide. Maybe that is happening here. There are to many possibilities, from the limited info you have given. Although you should sit him down and have a serious talk about how the two of you can change things, because you are unhappy with the current situation.

Answer 3

It cold be your depression. I don't know at this point whether there is enough evidence to suggest he's cheating. It seems to me that he has a late running job and he's tired. I know how he feels when I get home from work I'm generally to tired to do anything. However if you want to try something why not try and actually stay up until like 3, make dinner, light candles, change the bedsheets, put on a nice dress (I recommend red) and some make up and have just a romantic evening between the two of you. That might perk things up a bit.

Answer 4

Maybe you're depressed because of the way he's acting ... or maybe your depression is keeping you from showing him the normal amount of affection you might if you felt better. I would suggest that you do some things to try to help yourself, - MAKE YOU feel better and forget about what he's doing for a moment.... if he refuses to listen to your complaints. Don't keep harassing him about what he's doing. Ask once and let it go... he could be feeling pressured as you're in a new marriage. Give him a chance to prove that he can be trusted, but don't give up your personal happiness for him. Find ways to be happy yourself and if he doesn't come around after a while, talk to him and tell him that you need more from him than he's giving. If he still refuses, walk away. That's what I would do...

Answer 5

Why does he come home at 3 am? is it because you are not agreeable to be with? is it because you don't talk there are probably a number of reasons. It may be too late to reslolve the issue but with enough effort on both parts you can change things.
First off ask questions, about how he feels and why he feels like he does. talk about your feelings and why you feel like you do. no accusations, no judging just get it all out there in the open, if you get mad take a few breaths and just say how you feel. TALK guys, talk about how it was and how you would like it to be. if you do tell him you love him and ask him the same,AFTER having talked!
It may take a few days, if so make sure that you both want to improve the situation after each "session" and hug and do little things for each other ... cup of herbal tea (coffee only stimulates and stresses) or hot chocolate. Take a walk in the country go do something together and just be together and talk about all sorts of things..... If there is love there is a way.. Good luck

Answer 6

Why does he not come to bed till 3 am? I'll assume it's because he works.
You might want to come out ask him if he's cheating. Be open and honest with him. It's not that you don't trust him (unless you really don't- then that's an issue in itself), its just that you've been feeling awkward lately about your relationship and just want to make sure that that's not the case. Once you have that out of the way, ask him what the both of you can do differently to keep your marriage alive and thriving. If he says you can be awake at 3 am, you all might need counseling.

Answer 7

First of all, do not make decisions based upon assumptions: i.e. you feel bad about his non-affection, you do not know that he IS cheating.

Second, keep communicating exactly what you need/want from him.

Women tend to base a lot of their assumptions on their emotions (I AM stereotyping and realize this isn't true for every woman...) and come to conclusions that are sometimes NOT there. I would simply talk to him, tell him your concerns and assume that he isn't cheating. Unless you see some specific clue that he is cheating, then chances are he is not. Most guys are very solitary, remember we are taught from the day we are born to hide our emotions. So, at times when it seems we are withdrawn or reclusive, it's probably because we are dealing with some stress internally; whereas a woman tends to share her stresses, guys tend not to do that.

As to the lack of desire for sex: are you expecting him to initiate all the time? Maybe he feels like you don't like him, because you're expecting him to come get you for sex. Reverse the roles, you need some attention and he isn't giving it - go get it from him.

The biggest and number one thing you can do, however, is talk!

Answer 8

Are you saying that he is out until 3am - in which case you need to put your foot down or go out with him; or are you saying that he comes up to bed at 3am? If the latter then you could try staying up with him sometimes and then see what happens. However, have neither of you thought that nightime in bed is not the only time/place for sex. If you haven't worked that out within a year of marriage I suggest you do. Maybe he actually has an impotence problem that he is embarrased about? It certainly isn't fair of him to place the responsbility on you or vice versa. Ask him what he thinks you could BOTH do to improve things rather than thinking about what is not working.

Answer 9

well that depends if hes working until 3 am, but besides that try talking to him first again and see what the problem's is if he's annoyed to talk about the subject and gets really Mad then I'm sorry but he has something to hide but if hes calm and quiet ,might just mean he lost his love and passion for you and you can try to work it out. but either or you have to watch him closely if he hasn't been touching you, 9 times out of 10 he's touching someone else, because men get horny its just natural and if hes not getting it from you im pretty sure hes not masturbating alone, hes not a a robot! Men can't go without sex as long as a female can.its a proven fact that. but most of the time if you think hes cheating then he is or you wouldn't feel that way for no reason.so try to prepare yourself for the worse because its going to hurt! but just remember its not the end of the world. you need to know that your worth so much more. you deserve to loved and happy and Have joy in your life. Right NOW hes killing your spirit and no man but GOD should do that so you need to be with someone who treats you like a Queen not be with someone who doesn't even consider your feelings and act as if your not thereyou need to have respect for yourself and not let him hurt your self-esteem. if he doesnt respect you then its only going to get worse

Answer 10

I know some shift workers that never see their wives and they don't cheat. They just live busy lives. Try being there for him at 3 and see if it brings back the spark you need to reassure your marriage. If that don't work try another time that you both agree on and make it happen. It seems like you both need to bring back some life in your marriage and only the two of you can do it, so work together and do something before something really happens.

Answer 11

trust me love he is probably not cheating on you! but he's just got married and doesn't know how to relax in the relationship through fear of it not working!
if he's anything like me he is a worrier?
am i right?
i was the same when i was at the 1 year ish or so point of marriage! remember when you are dating someone and the honeymoon period is over "don't we all!" and then one of you says it's not going anywhere i want to call it off!
trust me that is his fear! i am lucky my wife is a total legend and counselled me as opposed to have a good old moan lol! although she did at first!
does he ask you are you OK when you have given no signs that you are not?
does he still talk about his ambitions for the two of you when you do talk?
does he say he loves you?
if he does trust me love! he just needs a big piece of reassuring and a good chat! let him know if you look bored it's just life not him! tell him you don't expect him to make you happy 24 hours a day and that just him being there is all you want! if you can both happily endure silence together and relax whilst being happy id say your both still in love with each other.
trust me the longer he goes on like this the worse it will get for him! as he will be feeling bad about neglecting you! making it go on longer! the longer it goes on the harder it will seem to him to make it right! above all try to be understanding! that was my experience anyway! difference is i did'nt avoid sex! but everyone is different i suppose.
good communication is the basis of a good relationship!
when you confront it next dont ask him whats wrong! because i bet all you'l get back is ahh im fine! you are ok! your not doing anything wrong! i do love you ect ect! chill out! get a grip of him and make him realise he needs to chill out!
anyway's i could be totaly wrong lol! i just thought the story of my pathetic **** up may be what he is going through!
take care and good luck!