Is this childish of my husband or am I wrong?

Question

We were at a restaurant and the waitress left 7 towelettes on an extra plate. My bro took 3 and left the rest there. I took 1. That left 3. The waitress came back later and cleared the table (including the towelettes that were on the plate). My husband saw that my bro had 2 left and asked where the rest were. Me and my bro were confused cause who's keeping track? My husband was mad cause he didn't get any of the towelettes and my bro had two left. He asked my bro what gave him the right to take that many. He had no clue that my hub didn't have one. He then offered him one but my hub decided to get pissed and stop talking (typical). I said something about it to him the next day. He got defensive (as always) and said my brother was wrong. Wrong about what? For not knowing you didn't have a towelette? How dumb. There is a history here. My husband is jealous of me and my bro's relationship. My bro temp lives w/ us for 3 mos and that's pissing him off too so he takes it out on him. Opinion?

My husband does this type of stuff ALL THE TIME. It's not anything new. But it is very disturbing that someone would go crazy about a towelette. I called the waitress back to the table and asked her to bring more. He was still mad and as a matter of fact after the bill was paid he left me and my brother standing behind and by the time we got outside he was standing in the parking lot acting as if he was waiting on us.

My brother is 22. He moved with us in Apr 2004 & stayed 1 year. He got laid off his job last month and came back to live with us for 3 months max. There is a history of my husband getting irritated about anything involving my brother (sometimes the issues were silly as the towelette). There was one incident involving "he drunk my 100% cranberry juice" but I won't go there. I don't know what to say.

What would you do if you had a childish husband like this?

Thanks for the responses. The problem is not lack of attention here. I give him too much attention if anything. I tell him that I love him too much and maybe that's the problem. I am sure that my brother living with us is a problem for him, however, he was given the opportunity to speak up and say no without any penalty the first and second time. His feelings were taken into consideration 100%. I asked him a million times when my brother first talked of moving if he would be okay with him staying with us for no more than one year to get on his feet, etc. He hadn't really had but one job and had never been on his own. My husband was thrilled at the idea and insisted that he come and stay despite I was leary. The second time he wasn't as enthused. Again, I told him to be honest. My brother was prepared to move back out of state at that point anyway. But my husband said yes. Now he wants to act silly over a towelette? Regardless of how jealous he is you don't treat people that way.

There are a lot of funny responses! Just to clarify, my brother did get a severance check, his last pay check, vacation pay check and his unemployment check just kicked in. The last time he stayed with us I asked him to pay 1/3 of the rent and bills. He did that with no problem. This time we agreed to let him pay nothing to help him get out quicker. My husband was aware that the temporary situation was for 3 months. He agreed and I asked him over and over and over again if he was okay with his decision.

He has a habit of saying yes to something because he is in a good mood or because he doesn't want to make me mad, and then later regretting it and taking it out on people. That is another problem of ours.

Another thing I want to clarify, I am not trying to bad mouth my husband. But I can tell you some different incidents that will really make you laught and at the same time wonder if he is crazy. He has freaked out over the weirdest things when it comes to my brother.

Maybe some of you did not read the whole message, including the additional details. When me, my husband and my brother go out to dinner he pays for his own food (so no, hubby did not pay for his food and never does). All the time. He has his own funds. He buys his own food here at our house. While I can understand that my brother living here is a burden for my husband, he should have expressed that before hand. Regardless of whether or not my husband would have said yes. Why would you put yourself in a situation like that for the next three months? He acted so silly the last time he insisted that my brother live with us, that I explained to him this time that I do not want to go through it again so tell me up front.

That is my relative and I would do the same thing if one of his relatives needed to stay with us. I probably wouldn't be thrilled about it but I would do it in a heart beat and not treat them like garbage. He should have said no & my bro would left the state.

Answer 1

Well im not married yet (getting close) but if I were you I would have blown up at my husband already. Those are some REALLY stupid things to get angry over. I wouldnt let my husband treat my brother that way, or any of my other family. I think he is being childish.

Answer 2

Well, the situation itself, your husband is being oversensitive. Who cares really how many towelettes are taken especially if there was a surplus to begin with? But like you said, the situation is deeper than that, seems like your husband doesn't like your brother. I don't know if jealous is the right thing or not, but a lot of times some people do just clash, or have an extreme disliking for another person, for whatever reason.

I think youu should think about finding an alternative place for your brother to stay, even if it is temporary, because this will come up later.

And for the record, I think your husband does need to grow up a little.

Answer 3

Yes hubby is being childish. He should be man enough to tell your "Bro" that he is not your father and it is time for him to find his own house. He can go on to add that should you want to be with him so bad you should go with him.
Guys often do not address issues head on and use some sort of metaphorical pretext for getting their point across. As for this one it has to do with what he views a "Bro" taking and not giving back. This goes along with "Bro" taking his marital home away and turning it back into your parents house.
As for being quiet and not talking, ask yourself how many times it is the two of you against him telling him that he is wrong in an argument.
Even though you have only presented your side here it it still readilly apparent that "Bro" has used up all your husbands good will and patience. As for "Bro" holding up his end how much did he throw into the meal check which hubby paid only to have to ask for a moist towellette. It seems so silly to you but to husband it was one more indicator of "Bro's" taking advantage of him. And then you go on to call him, defensive,dumb, childish and jealous.
Since we are name calling how about calling the "Bro" some like,
unappreciative, selfish,loutish and user.
You should take a good hard look at who is being immature here.
It might be the brother and sister who have teamed up to take from a guy who is tired of giving to the pair and getting little in return except disrespect and derision.
If you are going to remain married, its past time for "Bro" to move out and for you to be the wife again instead of the little sister.

"House guests and fish are alike, They both stink after three days ( sic)" Ben Franklin
Especially brothers.

Answer 4

Sounds to me like your husband resents your brother living with the two of you. Of course his reaction was silly, but what's the deeper issue? Is your brother working, contributing, trying to get sefl sufficient? Of is he crashing on the couch, drinking your husband's beer, and whining about how 'the job market is tough'? Why is he living there? Once you get married, your first responsibility is to your marriage - aka your husband - and if your brother is draining the household, financially or emotionally, your husband's abnormal reaction to a moist towelette incident is likely a reaction to the fact that he's having to live in an abnormal situation he didn't plan for. The solution is to tell your brother to get on his feet - quickly. 3 months should be plenty of time for your brother to get on his feet; in the meantime, tell him to make sure he pitches in with the bills and respects your home, and your husband will likely be glad to give him a few extra towelettes.

Answer 5

Heh ... some things dont change. I bet that like a boy, he was cranky and when misjustice occured, he would just sit into his quiet spot and see how others beg him for forgivness. Maybe thats what he wants tho ... more attention, i know i was like that

He just wants more of you as a friend and as from a wife. If you discuss things with your bro that you dont talk to your hubby, his jeloucy level will go out of wack.

Pay him a lil more attention and see if there are any changes.

Every1 has a childhood part that never likes to grow up, i also bet he was more selfish and lusting, but you know him the best.

Get him where he least expects :)

Answer 6

I think that your husband just wants to have his home back. His family. Without the brother. Your first allegiance is to your husband. I think that even though your husband said yes to the brother staying there, you knew that he would not like it.

I also think that him moving in one time is okay, but repeatedly is causing a great disturbance. I also don't think that you are doing your brother any favors by letting him rely on you like that. Again, one time yes, but the more he lives with you the easier it is just to stay with you.

Consider your husbands side in this situation.
Good Luck!

Answer 7

From now on lets refer to this as the TOWLETTE TRAUMA. Yes hubby was out of line and weird. He could have easily taken one in advance or asked for more towlettes from the waitress. Was he paying for your brothers dinner? Maybe he is pissed off about that and having him have to stay with you. Maybe he thinks your brother is being irresponsible and greedy. Since your hub is being kind to let him stay there, I am thinking you better go back to that restaurant and ask if they would be kind enough to give you some towlettes and then put them in a gift basket to your husband with a thank you note from his loving wife who appreciates his patience.

Answer 8

Temporarily usually means a few weeks. Your husband is getting sick of him being there. I know they say blood is thicker than water, but remember, when ya get married, you and your husband become like one. Your husband needs to be given serious consideration, because It is hurting your marriage having your brother there. He is probably jealous, because husbands are often like little kids. I tell you, get your brother a place as soon as you can, and in the meantime, tell your husband how much you love him, and that he needs to understand you position is hard for you too.
The best thing is for you and husband to stand together in the effort to get brother placed somewhere else.

Answer 9

Husband is definitely childish, and wrong. Unfortunately, he will always be that way. People don't change when you want them to. You need to decide whether you can accept this type of behaviour or not. If not, then it's time to move on, as you will always feel this way.

Life is too short to live unhappy. Make YOURself happy.

Answer 10

In a forum where your husbands side of the story is not present you have chosen to mark him as childish and jealous and defensive. You have also used the term "typical" which is usually a sign of labelling before understanding.

If I were him, I would look for a new wife. If thats not what you want then try looking at yourself before looking at others for the answer.