2006-12-25 20:46:32 · 17 answers · asked by Ashley 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Asking advice about swinging (and a threesome is technically "swinging") from non-swingers is like asking advice about skydiving from someone that's never done it; you're not going to get objective information, only opinions based on fear and bias.
Bethania McKenstry once said: "I've noticed those with the most opinions often have the fewest facts."
This is how - and this is from experience - swinging can bring a couple closer together.
My wife and I have been swingers for several years now. We had a great relationship and great sex together when we started, and it's even better now.
We got into swinging to fulfill fantasies that require more than two people to do. It was something we both wanted to do and there was no having to talk one of us into it. We were very secure in ourselves, our worth to each other, and our relationship. In other words, we weren't jealous - which is really just insecurity about your worth to your partner; that someone else may be chosen over you because you're not adequate.
We knew that we love each other and that we are "it" for each other, everything else was just icing on the cake.
How did it bring us closer? By fully eliminating those petty jealousies that wreak havoc over so many relationships. Once you've seen your spouse have sex with someone else, and enjoy it, and you are still the number one person in their life, you have no doubt about their love for you and your worth to them. They had sex with someone else and they still love you.
There is a big difference between sex and love. Sex is not the be-all-end-all of a relationship, but so many make it that. They confuse lust with love. They think that because they want to have sex with someone so bad that they must be in love with them. Then when the lust wears-off they can't stand the other things about someone and they break-up.
Swinging very clearly defined what it is about us that makes us a couple. All those things other than sex that enable us to live together on a daily basis. All those things we love, admire, and appreciate about each other.
We both had good sex with others before we met (and if your partner wasn't a virgin you can bet they had good sex with others before you too), and we've had good sex with others since. If good sex was all it took to make a relationship than we'd probably still be with our ex-spouses or one of our ex-lovers and not with each other.
Love is what happens when you are compatible in every way other than sex AND the sex is good too.
There is a big difference between the sex we have with others and the sex with have with each other. Sex with others is just good fun, like a one night stand. Sex with each other is soul sex; that sex that recharges your emotional batteries and makes it so you just can't seem to get close enough to your spouse.
There it total trust in our relationship. Communication between us is like most will never know. We can talk about anything and everything - and we do. We run around like teenagers in love. We talk, and talk, and talk. We text message each other all day when we are at work. We hold hands all the time. We are always touching in some manner or another. We can't get enough of each other.
Basically, we've taken the petty jealousies out of everyday life and we enjoy each other more rather than constantly being worried about our relationship. We know our relationship is solid. We know we aren't going to leave each other for someone else. Thus, we concentrate on those things that make our relationship good: companionship and friendship. We truly are each other's best friend.
The big thing is that you have to be doing it for the right reasons. Is it "replacement sex" or "additional sex"?
If your reasons are simply so you can get sex other than your spouse without going behind their back, you're doomed for failure. This is "replacement sex".
If your reasons are to explore your sexuality and fantasies together, and the idea of your spouse having a great time is as big a turn-on to you as yourself having a great time, well than you're on the right track. This is "additional sex".
I know this may sound completely foreign to some, but in reference to the opening analogy, you can't describe the rush you get from skydiving to someone that hasn't done it... they simply won't understand. They'll just think you're crazy for jumping out of a perfectly good airplane.
Just like skydiving, swinging isn't for everyone. The key is to accept that just because it isn't right for you, doesn't mean it isn't right for someone else. In other words, be tolerant of those different than you, not judgmental.
But I hope I shed some light on it here.
For some good, objective information from people that have been there, and those that are thinking about going there, check-out The Swingers Board (link below).
Also a great article called "Why would a couple join the Lifestyle?" can be found at the second link below.
2006-12-26 06:34:14 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
I agree with your ending statement. In my experience as a first time wife and mom is that my husbands and my daughter had brought much stress and arguments for many different reasons. However, it brought us closer together because we know this beautiful little girl is someone we created and we have to raise into a good human being. Not to mention the love we have for her and how much joy she has brought to her life. So even though we stress and argue all the wonderful things she has given us is so much greater then anything bad. I think it's just hard at first because it takes time to adjust. Some people adjust well, for some it takes time and for others they just can't adjust.
2016-05-23 07:24:17 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a great question.
A threesome will never bring a couple closer together.
From what I have learned over the years from some people in those kinds of relationships, is one giving in to the others desires and becomes bitter over time. Therefore ending a relationship that could have lasted a life time.
Hope this helps.
2006-12-25 22:20:32 · answer #3 · answered by eyes_of_iceblue 5 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Very curious observations. In life every situation may have positive impact as well as negative impact. It all depends upon how far, we are able to resolve our issues.
The people involved in such situation have to be wise to make the best use of everything. But invariably, this will bring couple closer.
- Both parterner are open to each other,
- They are not hiding even their emotional relationships,
- They know their weaknesses and sterngth better,
- They are not hesitant to meet their wishes, and
- They are frank to have a good life.
For more detail on this topic, you can read my book on 360 blogs.
2006-12-25 20:56:22 · answer #4 · answered by kamekish 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
A lot depends on the couple and why they're in for it.
In the case of my wife and I, it gave us a chance to step back from ourselves and watch what our partner enjoyed and didn't without having to worry about doing it at the same time. Also, my wife had a very exciting past sexually and I didn't before her, and it was a way for her to be sure she wasn't giving it up and for me to know I wasn't missing out. It can be an almost religious experience in a way, giving a kind of trust that you can't earn.
2006-12-26 01:32:37 · answer #5 · answered by Sean J 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't think it ever could.
Honestly, i have a traditional view of love.
A relationship is between two people. As in those two people alone. It's a bond formed that can't be broken or integrated with anything or anyone else.
And when a third party comes along, there will ALWAYS be a third wheel.
Feelings will get hurt, attachments will be made, and it's just not likely to succeed if it's goal is "closeness".
2006-12-25 21:08:22 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
well, if your relationship is lacking in intimacy then we can say there is some callous or scab.
from what i understand but do not know a three some would be to open these pores between the couple. the scabs unhealed shall run blood fresh and there shall be a new level of intimacy established in a more base form...jealousy, inadeuquecy that kind of stuff so they say.
2006-12-25 20:52:49 · answer #7 · answered by jorluke 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It can't. If three people really fancy that, no problem. But if 2 people are in a solid relationship it can only lead to problems.
These problems will include jealousy, anger and resentment. Especially if one of the 3 is better looking than one of the true partnership.
ONly my opinion, of course, but even without the menage a trois, I still had the jealousy and anger to go through like a lot af people do. Good luck.
2006-12-25 20:53:00 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
It spices up a waning sex life. Or at least that's one idea. It can also be show of comfort in one's trust for their partner.
But I agree many couples, go into it thinking it will just be harmless fun - and end up paying the ultimate price.
2006-12-25 23:27:31 · answer #9 · answered by unclefrunk 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It cant. It will cause problems. I feel if you need to still sleep with other people then we dont need to be togteher. But you iant gonna disrespect me by doing it during our relationship nor will I participate. How could you watch someone else Screwing your partner or sucking them off? SHoo Someone would get stabed.
2006-12-25 23:57:13 · answer #10 · answered by david s 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋