What Do I Do When........?

Question

OK so I spent the last 2 and 1/2 years with this girl. In that time we had our good times and we had our bad times. Then one day she says she dosen't know if I am her one. What do I do? I Love this girl so much and I don't want to let her go but It's driving me insane!!! Sometimes I start to cry because I can't live without her but when we were going out she drove me crazy too. But that is besides the point! If you guys or girls were in this postion what would you do? Ladies what do you think from your stand point? She is 19 almost 20 and im 22 almost 23. we both have our lives going but she has no where to go and she hasn't started working yet. please People if your going to give an answer to thies Questions please be though full because Im having a hard time with this and to tell you the truth I really want to hear the honest truth. Should I stick with it and maybe we will end up back together or leave her to be and if she comes back so be it?
Thank you all for your help god Bless!!

I Know but its hard to let her go because it feels like i need her to move on but i should just let her go. maybe she'll come back who knows.

Answer 1

This is a troubled situation so my heart goes out 2you. The underlying truth of it though (and this is the good news although it probably seems like there is no such thing as good news at this point...) the good news is, it's not you. From what you're describing it doesnt sound as though you are the problem, and although that may not help any as far as seeming comforting in any way, it truly does matter, if not now it may later once things are better. I say this because you mentioned she's not working and has no place 2go.... she's struggling with herself, not with your relationship. When you cant find security in yourself, you surely cant find it in any1 else. Ask yourself this.... if you were in her shoes, how confident would u feel? How sure of yourself would u be? How much do u think u could really offer, or bring 2 a relationship? When some1 is hurting their mind becomes overloaded with frustration & insecurity, doubt & hopelessness. We all suffer thru problems in some ways, we all handle them differently. Sometimes distancing ourselves from others is the safest answer we have 2hiding our real pain.
It's true that love fades sometimes, and if 4any reason she doesnt feel the same as she used2 about your relationship, then thats something u have 2allow ONLY HER 2accept &work past at the moment, its possible she's more confused than even she understands, and she feels guilty about holding u back from anything. But from what u described, it sounds like the real truth 2this could be her own personal battles she's dealing with that are causing such abrupt changes in both her life, and your relationship. Whatever the case, your love may not be recognized or acknowledged at the moment, but trust me, it's not forgotten, and the best thing u can do, 4both yourself, and 4her, is 2be a best friend, & remind her of the reasons u feel in love 2begin with. Because you accepted each other's flaws, insecurities, and sometimes doubt. That will mean more 2her than anything. She may seem distant, but im sure she's much closer 2you now than she's ever been, even if its not necessarily in person.
Best wishes, stay tough

Answer 2

I don't know when was the last time you talked to her and whether you talked to her thoroughly and asked all your questions, so I am going to assume you haven't yet. My suggestion is that you talk to her first. Ask her whether she has thought through on it before telling you that you are not the one for her, maybe it was just for a moment that she said that, who knows. Then take this relationship in control, the terms need to be well-defined for you to continue healthily. I am suggesting that you ask her that you guys give a "break" , but not a break-up. Don't call each other for a while, for a fixed time perhaps, if she agrees. Tell her you will call her say, on February 1st, and tell her to make a firm decision until then on whether her heart says you or it doesn't. Don't let her consume you with uncertainties and uphills and downhills and craziness.
You should take a break as well in this time, and even look around you, to the girls around you with a different potential - this isn't cheating, you are only evaluating whether this relationship is really the "one" for you also. You may find another girl with great credentials during this time, you never know. Just keep your eyes open- When the times comes, call her and ask her how she feels, what her decision is.
I hope that the short break will let you both think things over, let the relationship refresh itself a little bit, let you realize how much of your love for her is real love and how much of it is habit. I believe she will miss you in this time if she loves you, so things should be clearer after taking this kind of break.
I hope it will all be for the best.
Good luck.

Answer 3

I have read all the answers you've received so far and they are giving you some exceptional advice. I know you are hurting terribly... I've been there. However, there's this poem that you may have heard before... If you love something set it free, if it returns then it's meant to be... well, something like that anyway..lol. Honestly though for as long as you hold on that is how much longer you will hurt. Look her lovingly in the eyes and tell her that you truly do love her, so much so that her happiness is important to you and if moving on is what's going to make her happy then that's what you want her to do. Because after all, when you really love someone you want what is best for them. Then don't call her or try to see her, as difficult as it will be move on with your life hurt and all... the day will come when you won't hurt anymore and will look back with wonderful memories and knowing you did the right thing for her and yourself. If you happen to run into her, don't avoid her just be caring and friendly. One never knows what tomorrow holds. You are both very young and maybe she simply needs some time to get to know herself. I wish you nothing but the best.

Answer 4

I've been in a similar situation. Yeah I know ... it hurts. The best thing to do is just let her go. Cry it out if it helps.
U don't wanna run after her cuz then she'll use u and end up hurting u even more.
Meanwhile pray about it. It really works. (I know) If this girl is ment for you she'll come back and then u forget about it and live happily ever after. :)
But if she doesn't then ask God to take these feelings away from u. Another girl may be just around the corner.
Take your time. Don't use another girl just to get over this one.
Keep praying.

Answer 5

I guess if she is not sure if you are the one or not as much as it may hurt you, you must let her go. If she decides that you are the one and you have not moved on in the meantime then l guess you could probably give it another shot. Do not try to force her to stay if that is not what she wants or you will only end up getting hurt later down the track anyway. Let her know how you feel about her but do not let her use you as a doormat. Let her go and if she comes back you will know that she is truely yours. I hope everything works out well for you. Good luck

Answer 6

If after 2 1/2 years she's saying you're not the "one", then the girl is doing you a favor telling you the truth. You won't ever be the "one". Let it go, Lewie! Grieve and get yourself straight and start doing something nice for yourself. You're run into a wonderful person soon enough. You're way to young to worry about someone who isn't right for you. You love her so much, let her go find the person she's looking for and you do the same. AND....don't do any re-runs. Godloveya. All will be well.

Answer 7

Seem that you love her very much, but what about her? She might like to have a bit of space to be able to get a decision. If you love her you shouldn't continue just because you cannot let go. She will realise what she wants and if she thinks you are the one for her, than this will be. Give her some time and don't try to suffocate her with your love. Sometimes too much love can hurt... especially when it doesn't come both ways same measure... Wish you good luck and I hope things will be good for you!

Answer 8

You're so young. Whatever happens you will look back later on and find it a learning experience. If she's serious that you're not her "one," then move one. On the other hand, there are two sides to every story and you should think about why it is she might think that... and whether it's something you may have done, and if so, try to work it out... if not, then just move on to someone who'll appreciate you.

Answer 9

Your still young,you may look back and learn from this.
The best thing would be to let her go, i know..hard but true..............its what all of those cartoons you watched as a kid...(where a little boy has to let his pet go..takes it to the woods and screams go on get out of here i hate you) where preparing you for.lol i know...very hard thing to do, but its life.
........you said she has no place to go and no job? I think she is young and may be confused...maybe it is time for her to get out into the world and begin making something of herself and in these feelings...she is confused and may think you are holding her back.
If you think that too....then ...let her go son....and if that is it, she'll realize...she loves you and will come running back as soon as she discovers it.
But, don't hold your breath, i could be wrong.
Again, as hard as it is, let her go...destiny may have a plan for you and the right girl could be just around the corner.:)

Answer 10

If you love her you'll let her go... You can't force someone to love you back, it'll only drive her further away. If you can handle letting her go to test her wings do it, but DO NOT try to control her or you will loose her for good. God Bless! If it's right she'll be back, if not pray for guidance and strength...