First let me say that my wife has asked a question in here"is my husband cheating?"?

Question

I havnt cheated on my wife even though things have happened that made it look it. A fellow(woman)worker grabbed me by my jacket and pulled me close in front of my wife.I have given up telling her that it was not my fault.She thinks this person who comes over and gets supplies out of my work van because the boss told her to,,,(we live in the same town and the bussiness and work warehouse is 10 miles away)..is planned by me.I am frustrated to the point of craziness.We are both from cheating marriages that ended in divorce. Since her divorce she has been with other men before she met me. I havnt been with any other women at all. She thinks that if I have looked at other (porn) women I have cheated on her. So I dont, but still am accused of it. She says I flirt with other women, but I dont see how being nice to everyone is wrong. One other thing is what she didnt tell any of you in here is that shes 30 and Im 49 and that I have psoriasis over 80% of my body. What should I do?

Answer 1

Go couple counseling I guess.

Personally, I think you should make it up to her. Try to earn her trust back. Don't fight with her. Just make her believe she is your one and only. Have a vacation? Eat out? I don't know. Just make her feel special and have her trust you again.

Goodluck.

Answer 2

Tell her to get help (counseling), get over it, or get out (of the marriage). Nothing you do or say will ever change her, that's clear. She is simply choosing to be suspicious, angry, jealous, and accuatory. Sad part is, that it's all in her mind.

And yes, this is an ultimatum and rightfully so. Because no one can take such treatment from their spouse without it being:

--A self-fulfilling prophecy. You've been accused of it so much why not already and finally be really guilty?

--The ruination of the relationship bc of the never ending poison that she's bringing to the marriage.

If she just can't, or won't, decide and learn to be happy with you, then tell her you both need to move on. I know this is not a very pretty answer, but it will work--for better or worse. Let her be miserable all by herself. She certainly doesn't need you in the picture to achieve that.

Answer 3

1. we all told her that you were cheating because normally if someone suspects it, there is a reason for it. we didn't think that it was because she was crazy with jealousy and insecure.
2. she needs to consider counseling, but i hate counselors.
3. she may need you to act jealous so that she feels loved. and that is bad, so she should consider a counselor again, and i really do hate counselors.
4. you can successfully treat the psoriasis with neem oil and neem bark capsules. look up ahimsa neem on the web. order it from Usha Rao. I am not sure where to get the neem capsules from. anyway they work great. my best friend had psoriasis on maybe 50% of her body, and within 2 weeks, virtually none. the neem oil smells like burnt garlic, but after the p. is gone, the capsules will keep it gone, and you will almost never need the oil.
5. be more affectionate with the insecure wifey
6. she will hate you when you get rid of the psoriasis. she married you because she figured no one else would have you. sorry man, but she is one sick lady.

Answer 4

Congraduations, you have become the baggage handler of your wife's last marriage.

Emotional baggage.

You have to understand with porn, there is no way she can measure up to those woman... even THEY can't (you know they digitally remove the zits, wrinkles, etc)

Everytime you look at it, you are reminding her that you are choosing them over her.

Is that really what you are doing? Na, but that is what she is thinking

Your caught on the porn thing, not much you can do on that (except maybe invite her to join watching it with you? Something made for women with a lot of drama and story lines? I hear they exist.... good luck finding them)

Her self-worth was tied up in her being cheated on. Her continual checking is to see if she can let her guard down.. is it time yet? can I trust again?

Any little sign is going to mean something... women pick up social signals a little better then men.. so your "flirting" has a broader range of meaning for her then it does for You.

A simple smile for you is:

"I'll drop my wife for you any time" for her.


You are the recipient of past pain. All you can do is communicate with her, and tell her straight.

Hey, I'm in a rock and a hard place here.

You don't trust me.
I'm not doing anything wrong
Since I am not doing anything wrong, there is nothing for me to stop.

Now what? You suggest a course of action we can both take that will allow us both to trust each other

Let her come up with a solution. It may let her feel like she has a little control.


Good luck

Answer 5

What you should do is talk to your wife and let her know that you don't know what to do anymore about the situation. Don't say "you are insecure"...rather, say something like "Honey, I really don't know what else to do or say at this point to make you believe me." You may even want to suggest counseling so that an outside party can get your marriage back on track. I don't know if there's anything left for you to do than this. If you aren't doing anything wrong, there's nothing for you to stop doing. Your wife's insecurity is understandable since she's been cheated on before, but this doesn't make it right. You may want to remind her that you understand the pain cheating causes and you would never subject her to that experience.

Answer 6

Doesn't matter what excuse you give her, she still believes you are cheating. If you aren't cheating that's great. However, you must want to because you visit porn sites.

Since you both have cheated in past relationships, you'll always be vulnerable to doing it again if the opportunity arises.

Both of you appear to suffer from insecurity and co-dependency issues. Both of you have some Trust issues that need to be addressed in Marriage Counseling.

Counseling is long over due in this marriage. Get involved in counseling and both of you work at it very hard, or this marriage is over soon.

Answer 7

What is more important to you.Gaining support for your point in "answers" or reclaiming your relationship? Your both talking here,and I wish you were talking at home. Try an experiment OK?
Take her on a journey through the first date,first gift,favorite restaurant,music,movie. It was wonderful,wasn't it? When she realizes you have given up being right in hopes of being Mr. Right,things just might heat up for a great start of the New Year.

Answer 8

Wow - I think I read that question from your wife and answered it too...

So - this co-worker pulled you close and what did you do? If you claim you haven't cheated on her then you both need to sit down and have a long chat. Even if there has been no cheating - without trust, there's nothing. Insecurity causes jealousy, etc...

Answer 9

I think there is a mis-understanding on both sides along these chain of events. I suggest ask for a professional or a friend (removed from this situtation) who will be willing to talk to you and the wife to see if all of this is true.

When computers get involved regarding communication, anything can get mixed up.

Answer 10

Mine did. Didn't exactly ask, either. More like "HEY. It's time. NOW". I loved it. This was 30 years ago, and she wanted it so much and so often I encouraged her to find a lover. She did, and everybody came out ahead.