getting forgiveness for an emotional and psychological affair?

Question

I have been involved in an emotional and psychological affair for the past few month with a very close friend and co-worker. We just clicked one day. NEVER have had physical contact. It has ended and now we can't even speak. His wife is aware of some of our conversations and forbids us to be near each other. I asked her to forgive me and she said that she did. Because we have to work together (all three of us) it is becoming impossible to be around one another. If he comes to my office for any reason, she his quick to follow. This entire emotional relationship is finished, but we cannot seem to be able to get back to even the simplest working relationship. How do I convince her that I am not chasing her husband and do not want a relationship with him. I have reconciled with my husband (who does not know) and I am very happy with my life. This was a weakness that had passed and I just want to go on with my life. Any suggestions

Just a note" This whole thing started when the wife brought him to me to talk to. Because we were friends, he tended to listen to me and our conversations were mostly about the troubles he was having in his marriage. I tried to make him see what was upsetting her so much. It was at that point our long standing suggestive conversations turned more personal. We had always been very loose with our conversations in the small group that we ran in, it is just somewhere it ended up more personal. I will not deny that I have good chemistry with this man as far as communication. I do not blame her for the way she feels, it would be almost impossible to leave my job and I am thinking about a sit down three way conversation. Dangerous maybe, but it could be helpful. I just hate losing my friendship with the both of them and I have noone to blame but myself.

Answer 1

even though you appologized and asked her for your forgiveness, and she said she did. but i think down inside she really doesn't trust him, and to tell you the truth, I wouldn't either. and if you were in her shoes would you. try to stay away from him. as much as you can. I really don't think it has anything to do with you, I think its him that she does not trust. try talking to her again. and ask her if there is anyway that you can show her that you don't want him. good luck.

Answer 2

Invite the wife to lunch, dinner, the spa, whatever and make sure you have a real heart to heart with her. Tell her you have been crazy since you and hubby were having problems and you were emotionally needy. You were looking for compassion and in no way would want to risk your friendship/relationship with her and reiterate there was never any physical contact, nor will there ever be.
You should also realize that she may have forgiven you but doesn't trust you or her husband anymore. I wouldn't. She was hurt by the intimacy of your relationship and is probably still hurting because her husband was involved with you on those terms which are hers.=Intimacy at all levels belong to the spouse! This should clear up slowly. If not, I'd look for a new job because you have already lost one friend there.

Answer 3

Well for starters you made a huge mistake by getting involved with a co-worker. These situations never turn out good. The trust will take a long time to earn back. I do not blame her for wanting to follow her husband to your office, I would too. You may have to sever the entire friendship with him. Have you tried to ask her out for coffee or lunch outside of work without the husband? See if she will accept and just have a heart to heart talk. Let her know you know you were wrong to do what you did. let her know you are very happy now with your husband. Try and befriend her as much as possible. Not saying yall need to be best friends but to do what ya need to do to make the work enviroment liveable.

Answer 4

you can't blame his wife for feeling and acting this way. whatever is going on with you and her is very normal....you gotta give her time for this though. imagine your hubby is involved, you may very well do the same thing. you enjoy your life now because your hubby doesn't know. forgiveness doesn't come over night or or weeks. sometimes it takes a lot of time for people to really forgive and move on. take some vacation away from work or see whether you can be moved to a different department. you have crossed the line being a close friend to a married man and you're dealing with the consequences. you gotta to pay for it at some point/extent/expense. be away to let them deal with their relationships and accept what's going on is normal. if your'e lucky, thing may be back to normal one day, but it can never be also. be prepared for it and good luck!

Answer 5

these things happen for a reason, and I guess the experience makes us learned over time. Don't fret over this and thank god it did end up physical. My bet is to have a heart to heart talk with the spouse over some drinks and make your intentions clear to her. If she is human enough to forgive, then all is good. But I guess this might not be an easy thing for both of you......

Answer 6

Leave. You were wrong to put yourself with someone's husband. Get a new job and get out of their marriage.

Answer 7

She is wise to keep an eye on things. You already blew her trust once, don't expect her to trust you again.

Find a new job.