On bisexuality:?

Question

I'm a nineteen year old, bisexual male. While the coming-out process was a difficult one, everyone in my life was very supportive. But, now that the process is a year past, I find myself being hit with questions of which side I'm going to choose. In recent times, I've been attracted to a larger proportion of men than women, but just because of this, I don't feel I have to align myself with either side. But now I speculate about why it's sometimes difficult for bisexuals, because they could be subject to prejudice from the gay community and from the heterosexual community. So what do you think? Is bisexuality a true orientation, or is it just a transitional/experimental stepping stone on the path of life, that one cannot remain on forever?

I just want to thank everyone who took the time to answer this question honestly and thoughtfully. As someone pointed out, I am truly lucky to get such poignant answers to this question. I will take most of this advice to heart, and also appreciate the face that different viewpoints on the matter can be expressed. It's nice to hear some dissenting opinions from what I believe, because sometimes accepting and/or acknowledging the alternate perspective--while difficult--gives a fresher outlook in the long run. So again, thank you all.

Answer 1

Bisexuality is DEFINITELY a true, valid sexual orientation, not just a transitional/experimental stepping stone, although it can act as that, too. You say that lately you've been favoring men over women, but isn't that bisexuality in itself? As long as you like both sexes, even if the ratio is 99% men and 1% women or vice-versa or an even 50-50 split (very few people are actually evenly divided in their desires; usually there's a preference for one sex over the other), you're bisexual. And of course it doesn't matter who you are with- that doesn't change your bisexuality. There are bisexual virgins, like me, and there are men and women who identify as bisexual who have never been with a member of the 'other' sex, whatever sex that is. Sexual orientation is about desire, not action.

That said, I completely understand your feelings of pressure, from both sides. We are a very maligned group of people, with so many stereotypes, misperceptions, myths, and outright hatred against us! I just wish I could tell everyone that we are NOT:

1) Greedy.
2) Confused.
3) In a 'phase'.
4) Indecisive.
5) Horny or sex-addicted or nympomaniacal.
6) People who want to have their cake and eat it, too.
7) Necessarily polyamorous or in open relationships.
8) Commitment-phobic or unfaithful.
9) Really gay or straight and in denial.
10) Really gay or straight but getting perks/avoiding condemnation by being bisexual.
11) Necessarily into group sex.
12) Necessarily equally split in their love of each sex.
13) Necessarily experienced with both sexes in order to call ourselves 'bisexual'.
14) The spreaders of disease from the gay community to straight.
15) When it all boils down to it, any different from you or I.

And no, not everyone is 'a little bit bisexual'. I believe strongly that there are people out there who are 100% straight or gay, and never dally along the lines in between. However, a good deal of us are somewhere in the middle, and acknowledge that by identifying themselves as bisexual.

I don't know if I've helped you, but I wish you luck and a better understanding of your bisexuality.

Answer 2

There is no doubt in my mind that bi is a true orientation. Some have suggested that everyone may be bi to a certain extent. I am not sure if that is true--but there seems to a sliding scale of degrees of orientation--with some people at each end of the spectrum.

One kinda sad thing is that within the gay community bi people are often looked down upon. And, for the most part not accepted in the straight either (except certain segments where bi women are considered fashionable--which is a part of the problem they have with acceptance in the gay community).

Answer 3

Oh,man:so young and allready so many questions.
Do you put a lable on yourself?
Whether you choose to be with a dude or a girl is nobodies businness:only yours.
Why align at all?
If you are attracted or in love with a girl:fine by me,but be honost about it.
You get into a relationship and she won't know about it,untill you get this major crush on a dude.
Then what?
Leave her,while she thinks you love only her?
No:get it on the table:can't she deal with it:bad luck,because it is part of who you are.
The same goes as it comes to getting involved with a dude:i can only speak for myself:been with several bi-sexual men:most of them :great lovers,but .....you know that at one point,something is missing and before you know it:they are gone.
So.for me:no more:it hurts everytime they go elsewhere.
And I am definitely not jealous.
But for me I stick with my gay bf.
Also those relationships get ruined too,BTW:so:there is no garantee that all will work out.
Enjoy being who you are,but tell it to the ones you get invoved with,so you don't create a false illusion.
And most of all:be true to your feelings:nobody has the right to tell you,that you have to choose.Just follow your heart:but again :don't break other peoples hearts by letting them in the dark.
And I know some couples that stay together because they have children,but on many occasion the guy is gone to have sex with a gy,and then go back home.
There are numerous possibilities:so think about it live it and you will be fine.
Greetings:Rob.xxxx

Answer 4

Bisexuality is a true orientation, yet many people see those who are bisexual as either confused or greedy. This is true for both communities, gay and straight. This is because of monogamous relationships and the like and the fact that they believe whomever you end up with is your "true" orientation and that you've "settled." This isn't true, and there are those bisexuals who seem to favor men and women. The fact that people seem to discriminate against them more seems to be because of the fear of being left for the opposite sex.

So, you seem pretty sure you are bisexual. You may end up with a man, you may end up with a woman. Either way, if you're happy, who cares what anyone else thinks?

Answer 5

Bisexuality is a true orientation because you appreciate the beauty and sexual power of both men and women. Why be pigeon-holed in to one community or the other? Form your relationships with people you are attracted through your emotions not because they are either straight or gay. Whether it is a phase or transitional phase in your life is something only you can resolve when you commit your love and life to that special person.

Answer 6

For some it IS a get out clause - whilst they remain unable to admit that they are gay. For others of us it is a lifelong state of being.

The problem we have as bisexuals is that we live in a predominantly heterocentric society which looks to monogamy as an ideal. Consequently we are all conditioned with the notion that there is only one person we should look to spend our lives with.

Nothing wrong with that, in and of itself, excepting that it is often extrapolated into the idea that bisexuals then choose to fix their sexual orientation, upon finding their partner.

We cannot change who we are, we can only choose to be faithful to that one person. We can cast a wider net in our search for that person, though. Be they male or female.

At nineteen, I'm delighted that you have identified yourself. I wish you a happy period in defining and refining your sexuality.

Who knows? By the time you're ready to settle down, perhaps you'll find society will not be clinging so doggedly on monogamy?

Answer 7

I don't really think there is gay or lesbian. I think bisexual is a better way to describe it. But no matter what you want to call it, i think you fall in love with whoever you fall in love with. No matter if its a girl or a boy, you can't help who you love and i think that you really have no choice over which it is. in your case, you don't need to feel like you need to choose between the two. No matter what you choose now, you will face prejudice either way, and if not in your sexuality, you will face prejudice in other areas of your life. don't let what others think of you, make you make a decision you don't feel is right for you.

Answer 8

Simple, bisexuality is perceived as to being more into the homosexual area, but as to choosing a side to align yourself with is not needed. That's whats so good about being a bisexual. You can enjoy both and not be confused, just satisfied. OOOOOOhhhhh Yeahhhh!

Answer 9

How would you describe a person, a guy who likes both men and women? A lesbian gay guy? That would sound funny. I consider Bisexuality as a branch of Homosexuality. You are gay but you are categorized as bisexual because your different preference. However most bisexual men compared to bisexual women tend to become exclusively gay later on. It is difficult to maintain bisexuality, you have to balance both.

Answer 10

No, I don't consider it a "transitional" stage just because society likes to categorize everyone and push them to "take sides." There are no sides. For me (also bi), I consider the orientation an appeciation and pursuit of whatever love interest happens to come along. (Special people of any gender don't come along very often as it is.) Most recently for me, it was a girl. Other times, it's been guys (most of whom turned out to be jerks anyway).

Anyway, don't bother your pretty self about it. People are fools.