I am finding this a really difficult thing to work out, because i do love him. And when hes nice he is the man i want to be with.But when he snaps he is a totally different person. And anything can trigger his anger spirts, even something as simple as someone walking infront of the tv. he becomes verbally abusive, rude, puts me down. tells me that im just a house wife who stays at home with the kids and thats how it should be. that im pathetic hopeless any other name you can think of. I recently fell in love with ballroom dancing and i joined a class been going for 3 months, entered a competiton and came equal first. I love it. and now hes told me that im not allowed to dance anymore. i said am i supposed to give up my life for you? his answer was yes. Its like he just wants me to stay at home and not have a life. I have not enjoyed one birthday or any special occasions for years, as he always finds something to abuse me for if hes not enjoying it he has to make sure no one else does.
2006-12-25 16:32:32 · 16 answers · asked by CC 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Dont stay...leave...If you like the abuse stay, he is not going to change,,,
2006-12-25 16:38:37 · answer #1 · answered by ABBYsMom 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
CC:
If you feel that your husband is abusive then I would say GO.
It is not right for anyone to cripple someone emotionally or verbally because of their low self-esteem issues.
He does not sound like a very supportive husband and has many mental instabilities.
Have you ever thought of getting counseling for yourself? If you ask him he will say he does not need it.
Give him an ultimatum to stop the abuse. If he refuses get out as soon as you can.
Don't give up your passion for ballroom dancing. This is a great outlet for you to get out and network with other people and relieve the stress from the pressures at home.
Being with someone like him is like a live bomb. You do not want to put yourself or your children in harms way.
Don't ever think you cannot make it alone with you two children. Take it from me, you can and you will be much happier without the constant threat of stress!
I am a living testimony that you can leave your husband who is mentally and emotionally abusive and still have a happy life in raising two children!!!!
It may seem like a lot to think about but if you want to be happy and find a better life do it NOW.
Hope this helps.
And I also hope all works out for you and your children. I wish you the best and remember you can do all things!!!!!!
God Bless….
2006-12-26 00:47:21 · answer #2 · answered by ye 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You are very young. Don't stay. Why? He will never change. He's emotional, psicological and spiritually handicapped. You can't expect nothing from your husband. He can't give you nothing but pain and tears. He's empty. Love don't hurt. What can you expect from a person who's not in charge of his emotions and can't control his temper for something so simple as somebody walking in front of the tv? Look the most important here is you and your children. Don't let them to destroy your lives. Your children are in formation and they will learn to develop anger issues as him and to become abusers like him. You have to take a decision now that you are young and can start all over again. Time passes very fast, and every year that you don't do nothing, that time never will comeback. Don't let that life reach and passes you, no, because later in life you are going to regret it. There is just one life to live, and we must live it with dignity, don't let them to take that from you. Now if you leave him, you are going to be able to find so many things that you have lost during the time that you have been with him. In the highway of life you will find love, respect, consideration, compassion, understanding and the most important thing: the lesson that you will teach to your children. Please act now, women need to learn this: WE DON'T WANT TO BE ONE MORE STATISTIC. Do it for you, for your children and for all those women who stayed behind and they still are living in hell or for those ones who lost their lives in hands of an abusive husband. Violence doesn't stop there, it increases. Open that door, and in the other side you will find a beautiful future that you deserve to live. God bless you and please do something.
2006-12-26 01:58:21 · answer #3 · answered by MayanPrincess@sbcgglobal.net 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My heart goes out to you..Please do your self a favor and leave him..Do not look back nor feel bad for leaving..This is best for you and your children, no doubt in my mind. The thing is you have to be strong enough to make the decision and stick to it..Verbal abuse is no better that physical abuse. You will eventually be so depressed you will think that he is all you deserve which is not true at all..He deserves for you to leave and realize what type of person he is...My father was just like this and did nothing but messed up my mother, sister, and my life...In more ways than one..
Don't base your decision on if you have enough money too. R how hard it will be to take care of the children and work. It does not matter, b/c in the end you and your children will have a better life, and will be so much happier..I hope that you listen to this advice..Men who act this way are no good..Growing up with my father was nothing but hell.. It started out as just verbal abuse to me and my mother...But it turns one day..He always justified his beatings..Like mine were whipping me until I bled and bruised. My mom was forced to have sex with him..He had control issues. And now I am finding out that he sexually abused my little sister..The worst thing is I never thought any of this was possible not my father...But listen its like they just get worse as time goes on..Please get yourself and children out of there.. Even if it stays emotional abuse which it will not, it is still devistating to everyone..
2006-12-26 00:51:21 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
LEAVE! He is being verbally, emotionally abusive. It sounds like he doesn't want to get help for his anger problem. He has no right to put you down, degrade you, and to control you and keep you at home all the time! He is wrong. The Bible tells him to "love his wife as he does himself." He obviously loves himself more then he does you! When is he going to start on the kids? Their lives will be just like yours! YOU NEED TO PROTECT THEM from HIM! He is AWFUL! IF you have no place to go, go to a shelter. At a shelter you will have the legal protection, and help with the kids! They deserve a DAD not a tyrant!
2006-12-26 00:52:20 · answer #5 · answered by Ikeg 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need to leave his sorry ass. Do not stay for the kids. Do you think his behavior is setting good examples for your kids? Your kids will grow up thinking this is acceptable bahavior. NOT GOOD! Being a housewife and full time mother is a hard job all in it's own. He should be thanking you for all that you do instead of cutting you down for it. He also should seek professional help. he sounds like he needs anger management classes and he could also be Bi-Polar as well with the sudden mood swings he has.
2006-12-26 00:49:21 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I am sorry to inform you but your husband sounds like a control freak, much like my ex. You're so young to be tied down with kids. I would tell you ex that you are unhappy with his anger problems and his mood swings, that you expect better from him. Tell him you want to go to counseling. If counseling doesn't work, well say goodbye to him. You and the kids will be much happier in the long run. It's terrible to have to live your life walking on eggshells around someone. Your kids won't be happy living that way either. Good luck.
2006-12-26 00:42:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like a bully and a control freak. This is not good for you and defenitely not good for the children. You should be able to do what you want to do as long as it is not detrimental. It's good you've joined an activity you like. This will help you be more confident and get to meet people. Your husband should be happy because you are happy. But I guarantee you any attempt of talking about changing his character isn't going nowhere because men like this thinks their words and thoughts as gospel. You don't need a man like this.
2006-12-26 00:47:52 · answer #8 · answered by tagara 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If what you say is true, then he obviously has a problem. However, there's usually 2 sides to every situation. It may be of great benefit for him to see a medical doc to ensure he doesnt have something going on that would prompt him to be so disagreeable to life in general. The second option would be to speak to a mental facilitator. However, he would need to be agreeable to both options. As for you're staying, only YOU are capable of making that decision for yourself and your children.
2006-12-26 00:39:57 · answer #9 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He doesn't love you. Get out fast. I am a man, and after being married to the wrong, and then the right woman, have realized that the right person would NEVER, say or do anything to purposely hurt you. The right person is out there, you just have to find them. Never settle for anything less, or you will never be happy. If you aren't happy, neither will your children be.
2006-12-26 00:38:44 · answer #10 · answered by Lee T 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Think of your children. If he gets angry for someone walking in front of the t.v. that's crazy... My father was the same way. Is he physically abusive to you or your kids? Even if he isn't he is teaching them to bully and belittle people to get his way.. Sounds like someone who hasn't grown up yet or a psychopath, take you pick.
If you really love him, suggest counseling for the both of you. If he refuses, get out and don't look back. Good luck!
2006-12-26 00:38:52 · answer #11 · answered by fourbearsandacat 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋